Boy was it hard. I guess it came out OK and I am OK with the results, and happy that we came to an agreement with a minimal amount of fighting. But he is so resentful and bitter, about me, his job, it hurt to see it. And it hurt to have him repeat the same old line, that he provided everything in our marriage and I did notheing, contributed nothing. My lawyer took me aside and told me I would never hear what I wanted from him, that I provided value in our marriage, and that it was about him and his issues and fear, whatever they may be. She did a good job of guiding us through it becasue there were some things that were obvious sticking points for him, that she identified.

I am glad it is over, I guess we will be divorced in a couple of weeks. In a way it helped to kill that last bit of love and wondering what if. I really dont want to be married to that man I saw today.

I dont post much any more, but read here lurking still. MB really got me through this tough time.

Hi Lora,

Sorry to hear it went the way of the D. Good to hear you are able to keep your thoughts clear and move forward.

I remember how hard it has been and am quite proud of U! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Call when you can.

Hugz,
L.

You're a few steps ahead of me. So I am a little bit curious, how did you arrive at the decision to go to mediation?

Right now I am trying to decide whether to:
a) just try to sit down and draw up some lists with my H
b) go for mediation (without my lawyer there), but it sounds like it's $200.00/hour
c) just file for Dv and at the same time serve my H with a list of what I want

Really, I guess it will be try "a" and if it doesn't work go on to "b" then "c".

Jen

Congratulations on making it past a VERY difficult day. I'll be having my case settlement on June 9th, and to the best of my knowledge, H will be attending (but he could be dumb enough to have his lawyer cover for him this time... who knows!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ).

Yes, MB is a Godsend in getting through the tough times. It's helped us prepare for so much ahead of time, and to truly live by the phrase "expect the unexpected".

I'm sorry that your H isn't able to tell you what you need to hear for easier closure. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> It's reminding me that my H will say all sorts of things too, that will make my blood boil b/c he's full of lies. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I'm fearing that I'll take a few steps backwards, emotionally speaking of course <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , on June 9th. But b/c I'm expecting that, I know it will make the blow that much easier to take.

Take care Lora... and be sure to post if you need a good vent. Every now and then it's great to blow off some steam here... or at least give a personal update. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

{{{{{{{Lora}}}}}}}}}

He's blaming you for his unhappiness, something that has nothing to do with you.

I was talking to another friend today who's going through a similar experience, though she's a little ahead of both of us. She still works for her STBXH, but she works from home. Today he sent her a subtly nasty e-mail and she responded pleasantly more or less ignoring the nasty part.

Your H and mine left for OWs, hers was dating an old girlfriend almost immediately after moving out and she thinks they're already engaged. It struck me that each of our H's made the choice to end our respective marriages. Yet each of them is still angry and resentful toward us.

When I broke up with a boyfriend (many, many moons ago) I felt relieved, yet made every effort not to hurt his feelings any more than necessary. My friend says the key is that I was happy about my choice and that obviously they are not. It seems very sad to me that they each left us, blaming us for their unhappiness and yet they're still not happy, and still blaming us...

Leanne,
Thanks for the thoughts and hugs. She even asked me today, do you thik you have done all you can and I said yes. And I do beleive I did, except for that part of me that says I am not good enough.

Jen,
I had thought about mediation, thought maybe we could work through this and it was pretty cut and dried with no children. I choose the mediator, but she was also a lawyer who deals in what she calls fair divorce. We were open about the process, we met together, although she ould only officaily represent one of us, and we deceided it would be me... although I had kind of wanted it to be him so he wouldnt say he was being screwed. But I pretty much figure he would say that no matter what so I guess it didnt matter.

I really needed to have a 3rd party tell him what the law was, and she really led us through and kept it from getting bogged down by other issues. And since she was a lawyer she can do the paperwork too.

Karen, yes it was tough. The only good thing is we made it and maybe I dont really need to try and deal with him any more.

Hey Letstry, Guess its not my job to make him happy any more <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> What a releif.
My coworker is working to set me up on a coffee date already. Not sure I am ready for that but maybe.....