Wiffty - I'll ask him to tell me again the reasons why he loves me. It can't hurt to hear that over again. Good idea.

Sunrise - LOL! I attend a huge church in the Atlanta area. Over 8000 people attend some Sundays. And, 10% or so are single. It's a great church and the fellowship groups are lots of fun. It's where I met my boyfriend.

I'm sorry to hear that you also have some trust issues. I'm sure there are many of us out there. I'm looking forward to hearing other's opinions too.

SAHM is stay-at-home-mom.

Wiffty's comment bothered me a great deal. So, he may not go searching for someone closer or richer - but what if he happens to find such a person, who seems to also possess whatever it is that he likes about his girlfriend? Will he dump the girlfriend?

My H, by his own admission, could not separate his feelings about me from his feelings about our financial status. He went and found someone with more money, who is now largely supporting him financially. He is even trying to convince the kids that they should appreciate her, because, he tells them, when he occasionally buys them clothing, etc., she is the one really paying for it. I can understand wanting your spouse/SO to be something better than a deadbeat, but to make wealth one of your selection criteria is reprehensible.

Nellie,

It is very sad what transpired in your relationship. His priorities were and still are definitely in the wrong place.

However, I don't think wiftty was saying that he would leave his gf if the better one came along. I took from his message, that he is happy with his gf and doesn't need anyone else regardless of whether they might offer more in different areas. He said he isn't greedy. And, I understood his message to mean that we should be happy with what we have vs. looking over the fence all the time for greener pastures.

And, that helped me realize that my bf is the same way. He is happy with me. He isn't looking for someone better. There are better people and worse people out there than me. And, the same holds true for him. But, I'm very content and happy with him just the way that he is. And, I no longer am looking for anyone else. And, he assures me that he feels the same way. Of course, that's no guarantee that we won't run into problems down the road. We definitely will. But, hopefully, we have both grown enough over the years and through our experiences to weather all storms and not run from our problems.

By the way, I did talk to my counselor yesterday regarding my fears and insecurities about the retreat and other women. And, she felt that the retreat wasn't really the right place for us to be at this stage in our relationship. And, thought that most women regardless of whether they had insecurity issues would be uncomfortable in that setting due to the magnitude of the event. She said I could go there to confront my fears and insecurity but why do that to myself. There really isn't any need for that. She has met my bf and is very impressed with our relationship. We scored very high in all areas of the relationship test. Especially, in the areas of communication and conflict resolution. And, suggested we find other couples to do something with vs. this singles retreat. I talked to my bf last night, and he was fine with that. He said he wouldn't want to go anywhere that made me uncomfortable. So, he won some major brownie points with me last night.

I also reminded myself over the last few days, that my x's affair really wasn't the result of me not being enough, but was the tragic result of being in a very unhealthy marriage for so many years where neither of us were mature enough to love each other the way we should have.

<small>[ June 06, 2003, 08:57 AM: Message edited by: 711 ]</small>

Nellie,

do the probability analysis, and see what you come up with

wiftty

I've wondered what makes an affair happen. I am still not sure. My stbxh, Jethro didn't work with either Family Values or Monkeyho. Either via internet, or casino.

Think boredom and those wanting that endorphin high I posted about earlier might be more of the case.

You got some good advice here. Cindy and FC gave really good advice. Put on the training wheels and your bikini and find out. I think that you may be pleasantly surprised.

And either way, you're not legally or spiritually bound to you bf so it's ok to change your mind at any time.

I am about ready to jump in head first to the dating thing. As soon as the ink is dry. I've been alone almost 2 yrs now and am ready. I am almost absolutely convinced however, that I WILL NEVER IN MY LIFETIME MEET SOMEONE WITH AS MUCH NEGATIVE QUALITIES OR AS DESTRUCTIVE AS JETHRO EVER AGAIN...So I am greatly encouraged for the future...