Hi...
I'm looking for someone who might be able to relate to my situation and perhaps give me some insight. I have been sexually frustrated in my marriage since it began 10 years ago. After 4 years of marriage counselling and personal therapy to deal with my "unhappiness" and feelings of rejection. I recently did some reading on low labido and found that I related to how alot of those women felt. My husband doesn't show a complete disinterest in sex. However, any sex we have would be considered quickie sex and there does not seem to be interest in meeting my needs ever. There is also great fear or something there on his part. During intimate times...or times when it would turn to perhaps my pleasure ..there is a physical shutting down...to the point we will sometimes just stop love making. Recently I have wondered if my husband is dealing with sexual identity. However there is evidence that he likes women. It's a bit more than low labido...even upon distinctly expressing my needs..there seems to be some sort of barrier for him to even go ahead and meet them. I wonder if there's an aversion to my female parts. He doesn't show a high interest in touching or oral sex. I feel I have done everything I can..I have self examined myself(everything about myself...from my looks, to my appeal, to being non intimidating), I have set the tone for sexual freedom and openness, I have been sexy and romantic, I have communicated gently and in great detail my needs and heard his. I've read many books to try to be the best wife I can be. We were both virgins when we married and right away there was evidently a problem. There were a series of comments made that made me feel rejected in our early marriage. At year 6 and after the birth of our 2nd child I just said enough of this..this sucks..and have spent the last few years searching for help. My marriage has been on the edge of break down for a long time however we appear together and strong from the outside. Recently when I found this information on low labido I shared it with my husband as a possiblitity. I could tell he was embarassed but he's agreed to have a look at the issue. He's got an appointment with our dr. this week for a physical examination and to start the process of looking into his side of this equation. He said to me that he is not gay (he was kind of surprised but non-defensive at my concern in this area) and that he thinks he knows what the issues are (although he says it's not past abuse/or sexual identity issues) but doesn't feel he can share them with me yet. I said whatever it is I'm here. He has assured me that there has been no infedelity. I would be surprised if it was that though cause He also said...Jan it has nothing to do with you. What the heck could it be? I feel afraid. Even though I have felt our marriage in jeoprody before..it feels for the first time that I am looking straight at the issue..straight into the lion's den.

Janice

Hmm. My ex-H started to withdraw from me. In the end there was infidelity involved & in my mind he didnt have problems then with OW. (Grr). But when I think about it, they did not have the deep emotional connection that we had, it was purely raw physical stuff. Anyway, he was having a mid life crisis and I think definately clinical depression.

Could your H be having depression? over job status, or where he is in life now VS. where he always thought he would be. Any issues re: having a child or not?? I think deep down my H didnt want us to (and it never happened, intended or not).

He should check into the symptoms of depression, but be aware that alot of the medications that definatley help our thought processes and emotions make the libido practically disappear!!
Take care.