I wonder if anyone has an opinion that would help me decide how much involvement I could take in helping my Brother and SIL finalize their divorce.

Here's the situation.

It is obvious in talking seperately with these two that someone is lying about their circumstances. When I ask what the hold up is on finalizing things each one says something different. Brother say W is asking for too much above and beyond what he is offering which is more than the court would require. W says he is offering less than what the court would require.

History: Brother was unhappy in marriage, had A with OW he worked with. Now living with OW. Temporary shared custody of kids (3, Ages 11, 8, 4)

W filed injunction so OW can't sleep in her home when kids are staying over. W has filed for trial divorce because she feels she is entitled to more than what is offered and they can't come to an agreement. Brother is upset that mediation is cancelled and now divorce is going to be extremely costly. Lawyers are only parties that benefit here. Her lawyer is pushing for the most and his lawyer says he's offered enough.

I am very close with these two and love them both dearly. I hate to see what's happening. The kids are the ones that suffer the most. The both say they are happier now than when they were together yet there is this conflict between them and they are both getting ugly.

Do I try to play mediator or will that only wind up causing a rift between myself and one of them. Has anyone here asked someone they know to help work through their divorce?

No, You need to stay out of the middle of it..

If you don't...both will end up blaming you..

Just offer your ear if they need to vent..but stay out of their divorce..they are adults..let them figure out how to handle their own problems..

Stay Out!
One way you can help, is to buy books on parenting after a D.
Ask if they each have the following books. If they don't buy both of them a copy.

Mom's House / Dad's House
How to Help Children Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way

And have them look up www.rainbows.org for peer group counseling for the kids.

My H is being unreasonable, and not even acknowledging what the court has requested. It happens often. Don't get involved. You can still be supportive, but you'll need to learn to set limits in discussions on these topics, and also try to make sure they don't disparage the other in front of the kids. My H does this all the time.

Thanks for the responses.

Newly, I will definitely mention the literature. I know he's having some troubles talking with his oldest daughter who seems quite angry about the situation. I know he's reaching out to my sister and myself for answers on how to break the wall that has been built between them.