I have my fist court hearing on Thursday for temporary orders.

I'm feeling really nervous about all of this. I keep thinking about it and my heart starts pounding like crazy. I don't know how I'm going to react when I face my WH in court.

I don't know whether to say hi to him or not? How am I suppose to act? I'm I suppose to look sad, happy, depressed or angry?

In reality i'm sad. I never wanted this. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Don't know how my WH is feeling about all this.

Looking for some advise, please. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ June 25, 2003, 10:23 AM: Message edited by: STBXWife ]</small>

We didn't make it to court. The lawyers try to avoid it, so they'll try to settle in advance. So write back tomorrow afternoon, you may find that you don't have to go.
A friend of mine was intimidated by the judge, but I work in business all day and am used to high profile figures.
Just remember, the courts don't care about the affair, or the details, just the legalese. And they really just want to get all the cases off the docket.
Don't give in on something important, but be prepared to negotiate if necessary.

May god bless you and you family, and give you strength tomorrow.

STBXWife,

Quick story... The day before my divorce, my XW came and picked up from our house the final items she needed to get. We had a TV in our bedroom that was originally her's, but she never asked for it.... until that night. I told her "if you need it, take it", (even though I used it every night and I had no money at the time to replace it - I did not tell her that)...

The next day in court, before I walked in (I went by myself without any family or friends - it was something I had to face alone), so before I went in the courthouse, I stopped and sincerely asked God to send the Holy Spirit to me, to help me do what HE wanted me to do. Amazingly when I saw my X, we spoke like old friends. I think I amazed me just as much as I amazed her at the way I handled myself. I just walked right up and started talking to her. The lawyers kind of did a double take, I guess everyone just expected me to be sad and crying - It was the strangest occurence I've ever had in my life! It didn't even feel like it was "me" talking.

So as we were about to walk into court she pulls me aside and tells me she brought back the TV. That she thought about it and she felt that I would need it more than her and that she would bring it by the house after court. This is the woman who wanted nothing to do with me...

During court, inside I could feel the sadness and the pain, but it never showed on my face, other than a few tears while the judge was speaking...

So I guess what I'm saying is to say a prayer, a serious prayer, for you to act and behave how God wants you to. And you will be amazed at how in one of your greatest times of need, He will show up and guide you through it...

AND of course remember that WE WILL ALL be right there with you in spirit! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You will be fine. Ask God to have it workout for His purpose... A very special friend of mine told me to always "trust in God and it will all workout in the end - It always does..."

God bless,
mike

STBXWife-

I've been in court twice now, once for the first hearing and the second time for the final pre-trial hearing. Neither time was easy. I remember asking my W something about the kids while we were out in the hall way but otherwise, I don't think I spoke with her. I mostly hung around my lawyer. On the way to the courthouse today I unknowingly started crossing the street in front of my W's car. After I reached the other side of the street, I said to myself, "Boy, that was stupid. Look at who you are crossing in front of next time."

Go in confident. Dress nice. Be pleasant but business like. You don't even have to make eye contact with your WH. I know my W did not try to make eye contact with me at any time. The court only desires respect and that is about it. Like newly said, they want to get this off the docket quickly. Our judge made the same comment today after he saw the list of things that we haven't resolved yet and the list of witnesses that we may subpeona. He said the final hearing is scheduled for two days and that will be it.

My lawyer offered me a bit of advice after my deposition, "Never let the other lawyer get to you." That advice is good. I started showing my emotion during my deposition and my W's lawyer took advantage of it. I had to take a break at one point to recompose myself.

Good luck to you and with the temp orders.

HoFS

So far, it's still scheduled for tomorrow. Still nervous about it.

Need some advise, please!

SBTX - I don't have any advice as I haven't been through this yet. But I wanted you to know that I'll be thinking of you and praying for you. I'm sure that your WH will get a true dose of reality even if he doesn't show it.

In my state (Virginia)you have to be seperated a year (with children) before you can get a divorce. I'll be the one to file but my lawyer said I have to wait until the year is almost over before I file the paperwork. It's strange how the states seem to be so different with regard to all of this.

Draw on your strength. He's made the biggest mistake of his life. You'll be fine.

Advice:
Pray - remember you can pray or worry, there's no point in doing both.
Dress & Act respectful to the judge
Don't engage your STBX in a fight
Don't discuss any matters that don't need to be addressed in that manner.

If you can't talk to your spouse (I can't) consider communications counseling for the benefit of the children. Tell your lawyer you'd consider this and he can bring it up in court to show that you will work in the best interest of your children.

Treat your STBX as if he were a perfect stranger. Forget the hurt, and treat him with common courtesy in court. He is not the person you M'd, but different now. These thoughts help to disengage you from any battles/emotions.

Good Luck, and post soon after.

Thanks everyone!

I sure hope he does get a huge dose of reality. This is what he wanted and felt was the only solution.

I just don't know how I'll react when I see him. I know I won't stat anything there in court. That I do know but, I just don't know how I will feel. I don't know if I'll feel ok.

My worst fear is to start crying in court. I just don't want to do that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> This is also a huge dose of reality for me as well. I just don't want to feel overwhelmed with emotion.

Please pray for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ June 25, 2003, 11:05 AM: Message edited by: STBXWife ]</small>

I took going to court as a joke. I knew we wouldn't get anywhere, so I chatted with all the other people around me, checked out the other lawyers (it was easy to see who the angry people chose - angry people just like them).
And as we didn't get called early, we waited from 9 am until noon, I calculated how much STBX was spending on his lawyer - including travel time. My lawyer had 4 cases to be heard that day, so I didn't have to pay for all of his time.

Know what you want, but limit your expectations of the courts.
Breathe. Close your eyes & Count to 10 to calm down. Now, breathe again.

Hi STBX wife -
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I had a hard time mentally preparing for court too. The first thing that I did was try to distract myself with other issues. I decided to find something new and nice to wear to court. Thinking about something as silly as what to wear to my divorce took my mind off the fact that H was choosing to end our almost 8 year marriage and leave his 3 young children for hiw OW. So I made sure I looked good, giving me that little bit of confidence, and I prayed a lot, and I also took my sister for moral support. God really helped me through it - I didn't cry or lose it, and I so thankful I was able to act appropriately. It really was just a formality, as we had agreed to everything. The judge was clearly a former cheater himself from some of the things he said, but luckily he didn't have to do anything but grant the divorce. It was a very formal and emotionless thing, and I guess that was good. Of course I couldn't help comparing it to our marriage, which was so full of joy and hope. But God will help you if you ask. You are in my prayers.

Guys, wish me luck! I'll post tomorrow after I get back!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm really nervous! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />