Go nuts and do bodily harm to your WS or OP?

I know that everyone had it run through their mind a time or two but I told my X that that was one of the reasons that I couldn't come back to her.
Before you think I'm some kind of abusive maniac,
let me explain.

After reading my profile at the bottom you will see that my X cheated on me with three different men that I know of.
The last time was the straw that broke the camels back. I couldn't take that kind of abuse anymore.
Did I still love her? Yes! Do I care for her now? Yes. But I no longer have tolorance for infidelity.
Here are the reasons that I gave her that I could not come back to her.

1. I don't trust you and you haven't given me a reason to trust you.

2. I don't think I would be able to treat you the way you deserve to be treated after all that has happened.

3. If you done it to me again I am scared of what I might do.
She has never been scared of me and I have never gave her a reason to be. But I was truly scared of what would happen if I went though it again.

Please tell me that I am not a nutter!

Roughneck - I've been in that place where you lose control of rational thought. It's not the kind of place I ever want to visit again. What I have found that helps, and it sounds really corny, but kickboxing class and an active imagination.
Good luck,
ss

Ok-Roughneck, let me tell you, you are completely normal. It doesn't take an abusive person to snap under extreme pressure. Everyone has a breaking point and apparently, you see yours coming soon. I actually think that it's very admirable that you were able to look ahead and realize that you would not be able to handle the situation again. A lot of people don't realize that until they wind up in prison over it. So, good job.

Secondly, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have recently divorced and found out after the fact that my H was having an affair and that affair was apparently the whole reason for our divorce (he divorced me and told me it was all my fault). I literally could not see him for a month because the desire to start beating the crap out of him was soooo overwhelming that I couldn't handle it. And if I would have seen the OW, I would probably be in jail right now because I would have started swinging. (and I am definately NOT an abusive person). I understand that these feelings of rage that you are feeling right now probably consume your whole life, as they did mine, but I promise, they go away. You did good standing your ground they way you did. From your profile, it looks like she cheated 4 times, from very early in your marriage. Not sure what her reasons for that were, but she obviously knew she could get away with it because you stuck around for quite some time and tolerated it. If you go back with her now, she will most likely do the same thing again. I'm not very familiar with your situation, but I was in something very similar situation with my H. After his A ended I got the whole song and dance about how much he loves me and misses me and realizes how bad he screwed up, but he was never really willing to prove it to me that I would no longer be treated they way he had been treating me in the past. That doesn't mean that I don't still love him and contemplate going back. My head tells me no and my heart says yes. It's a sucky situation all around.

Whatever you decide to do, just stay strong and MAKE SURE that your W is willing to do WHATEVER it takes to heal your heart before you even think about going back. Whether it's counseling or whatever. You have to realize that you now have the power in your situation to not let her control you anymore...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Roughneck:
<strong>Go nuts and do bodily harm to your WS or OP?

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Roughneck-

No, I don't think you've been around petroleum fumes too long. Sure, you might have those thoughts but you haven't acted on them and I really doubt you would. I can see you still care a great deal for your ex too.

In my case, I've never wanted to cause physical harm to my WW. Maybe the OM1, OM2, OM3 but that is a different story. No, what I find myself wanting to do is to sit my now STBXW down and explain to her why I don't trust her, how she's made me feel through all of this and why I am fighting to be named as the primary residential parent for our children. I want to scream and shout under she validates me! But you know what? It would have the same impact as some ignorant gerk trying to make a speaker of another language understand them by turning up the volume. It still won't matter. They just don't get it. They don't understand the same language or feelings.

No, I don't think you are nutter RN, but I wouldn't go around telling that story too much! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I think those angry thoughts will disappear with time and as you make new friendships and relationships. You will find a way to put your thoughts into good deeds and not fall into the darkside young Jedi. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

HoFS

Thanks guys! I do want to clear something up though. I don't have those feelings at all anymore. Only while I was with her. Once I left the house and stayed gone I don't even worry about it. I have threatened some of her boyfriends if they touched my children but other than that, it doesn't bother me at all as long as I'm not living with her or trying to work on things.

I have no reason to feel that way, she is not my girlfriend or my wife anymore.

RN,
very interesting...all your observations. i to R-A-N not walked away when i found myself wanting to become violent. i sudenly woke up and realized that i was changing and it wasn't for the better. i wanted to strangle her! and boy did she know what buttons to push. she loved making me crazy.

i think she wanted me to hit her...so that she could find a way to place blaim on me instead of herself. and when i left...oh my...it was "how could you" or "why would you?" "...or please come home." so strange.

while we were together i had a kidney stone and she wouldn't even drive me to the hospital emergency room...i had to drive myself! and then i leave and she suddenly can't live with out me!the problem was that she couldn't seem to live with out my ex-best friend ( whos body parts she seemed to favor, LOL) either LOL!

keep the faith.
coach