I am sure this is a question that all of you have come across before... Just want some comforting words of wisdom. I have been married since I was 17 and I am getting divorced at 24. We have a 3 1/2 year old daughter together. We both miss him so much even though he was abusive and I am healing so well now that he has moved out of the house.

I am dealing with the fact that I am no longer with him, I am getting divorced from what I thought would last forever, and I am now a single parent. I am just not used to being alone. I dont like making meals for 2. I dont like not having company in the house when the little one goes to bed. Plus... I tried to clean out some stuff in the house and I didnt get very far. I just sat there and balled. I also sit at work and hear songs on the radio that just hurt my heart. I heard our wedding song and that was very hard.

I also see him happy with his new girlfriend and that kills me. Everytime I hear her name from my little one it hurts. I know she doesnt understand that mommy doesnt want to hear about Jenne's kitty cat, or how they all went out to "our" favorite place to eat... or how they had fun camping....

I too have met a wonderful man who has been slowly showing me that not all men treat women like objects and slaves. I am having a very hard time adjusting to being with someone who is nice to me (isnt that sad?)... it is almost causing problems bc I dont know how to act when I get flowers or dont have to clean up the dishes after dinner. Anyone else go through this?

I know it will take time to learn how to "live" again... but I just wish I could fast forward time so my heart will stop missing him. He still wants to remail friends and it was my decision to end the marriage. I am a BS and also a WS. I dont want to save our marriage bc in 2 months that he has moved out I have been happier than the last 2 years.

Any words or advice?

Staystrong always,
Heather

My Dear,
You are a human being.
Hang in there, this too will pass. The heart takes time to heal. Everyday, your past will get pushed further and further behind you. As you gain perspective of who you are as an individual, who you were as a married person will fade away.
Do not compair people you meet in the future to your past. That is not fair to them or to you.
Do not dare, when you are feeling low and/or vunerable, dream and fantisize about how great the past was. This can be difficult sometimes.
You can do this, have patience and strength. You may slip back from time to time, but son't be too hard onyourself when you do. You ARE a human being.
You will do just fine.
Best of luck to you and stay blessed.
2nd

I second what 2ndfiddle said..it's only natural. You're alone and lonely (baby doll children are just not adult companions, as wonderful as they are). And I'm sure you're filled with trepidation about the future.

But you know what?

I'm married, fairly happily, and I'm scared about the future, too. I sometimes feel all alone, even when he's next to me. Sometimes being with my kids is the best old thing but sometimes I need other companionship, too.

It's okay and it's gonna get better. We're here to go through it with you...all the way.

btw, my friend says if you have an old, beat up, baby drool covered, food stained, smelly armchair for a while, you'll even miss it when it's gone.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by franklymydears:
<strong>btw, my friend says if you have an old, beat up, baby drool covered, food stained, smelly armchair for a while, you'll even miss it when it's gone.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Gawd, I love that one FRANK! You gotta put that one in the fav. quotes thread.

STAY, my sweet,
hang in there sweety. Everything is going to be alright.
I breaks my heart, you are young enough to be my baby girl. And you are hurting. Here is a great big loving, knowing hug for you.
And, please sweety, don't be too hasty moving on as far as another relationship is concerned. Until you figure out what it was within you that helped your marriage be what it was/ what it wasn't, you stand the chance of repeated history. You do not need that pain repeated. Set a time goal, you will not "date" for so much time. Spend time with the girls. Read a good book, learn to say "no" (very empowering). Take a class. Re-invent yourself. Give it time. I married again, a wonderful guy, at 39. Had another baby, infact. You have plenty of time.
kisses and stuff,
2nd

THank you so much for your kind words! Very good advice....

Today is a better day for me... I guess it is up and down from day to day...

THanks again,
Heather

Heather,
Life is always up and down, but divorces and parenting singley just excentuate the ups and downs.
Hang in there, kiddo. You and your daughter will be just fine.

I was once told when you divorce it's like a death. Oh boy they weren't lying, when my x left me I felt like I died!!! It has been 5 1/2 yrs since he left and I still have days where I really miss him. It's good that you are honest with yourself. It does take time to heal.

I'm remarried now and I have a wonderful man who treats me very well and is everything I wished my x was.

It gets better I promise you