First let me say Hello, I have never been here or posted here in my life. I just didnt know where else I could get an opinion from someone not involved in my life. <BR>I meet my husband when I was 16 years old and I never felt so close or in love in my life! I was obsessed with him from day one. 4 months after we meet we ended up pregnant. Shortly after we split up till our daughter was born. Soon after that we were back together. When my daughter was 2 we married and have been since. It was 8 years this past Tuesday. During the course of our marriage we have both made some very bad choices, whether it be finacailly, with our careers or lack there of, or cheating. The biggest problem as always been my husbands lack of modivation and is lack of work ethic. He never works, he will be somewhere for 2 years and then take the next 2 off. We have 2 kids right now and with the rent the car bill and everything else we are dying here. I can barely feed them 50% of the time. I am borrowing from Peter to pay Paul so to speak. I have finally found my career niche and I am working very hard these days , 50-60 hours a week.. I see my kids as much as I can and spend every minute of my weekends with them. I cook dinner, I do most of the cleaning. Its like I am that song "I'm every woman its all in me" Well I dont want to be every woman! We fight about this constantly, its all the time. He says he is trying but he hasnt worked in over a year now. I is actually causing me to be very depressed. I have never been depressed in my life!!!Right now I am personally doing better then I have ever done in my life and he is dragging me down. I love him I have been though hell and back with him, from Cheating to Drugs , to No work etc..... I have always had faith and love in him and he knows that. Me and him are like two guy friends more then the typical wife and hubby... We check out chics together lol we love the same music, we think alike, we act a like in someways, but in someways we are total oppisstes. <BR>I dont know how much longer or how much more of this misery I am supposed to indure untill he becomes the man that I know he can be. I cant imagine him not in my life but more and more I hate him in my life. Its like that sister or brother you cant stand for all the messed up things they do but you still love them and are a part of their lives. Now he wants to move back home (we relocated almost a year ago) I have desire to go back west and want to stay where we are now. I love my job and I love the schools my kids are in. I hate the thought of leaving my job behind. He hates it and is miserable. He hasnt worked since we have been here. He is in the house 24/7 and its driving him insaine. Do I go with him or do I stay? What are your thoughts on my marriage and what I should do? I now have everything I have ever wanted yet I have never been so unhappy in my life.<P>

Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<P><B>About your post</B>: This particular forum is quite good, but not all that busy. You might want to go to the Emotional Needs forum, look here --> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/Ultimate.cgi?action=intro&BypassCookie=true" TARGET=_blank>Forum Listing</A><P>Best wishes...<P><BR>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino<p>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited June 29, 2001).]

Gee WOS, sounds like you are raising another child. If your children are in school, he should work or better himself by getting an education. Do something? I can understand why you would be so frustrated, but you are very compassionate. I guess you have to decide if you want another child or a man. He needs to do some changes, not you. No matter where your family goes, he has take some responsibilities. What would happen to the kids if you died? No work, no food, no house, no nothing. Where? Where would the kids go? It seems like he takes you for granted. I just hope he'll wake up soon before he loses you and the kids.

Hey there;<P>I agree with haloheart....<P>This guy is sounding like a real dufus. What is his deal here....I guess he can go out and make babies and stuff, but he doesn't want to support him. You know, I ahve four kids of my own whom I WANT to see and to be a part of their lives, yet because their mother doesn't want me in their lives, I am frozen out....This guy is so taking you for granted.<P>I would put my foot down and tell him that you married him because you love him and you thought he loved you too, but he sure as hell isn't showing it. Pardon my language....<BR>