Yeah steven, I guess you're right, she's using the excuse of learning the job to not deal w/
family issues. She's a runner alright!! She
should be putting family first and can have both
family and job. Oh and she thinks the boss is
gorgeous, well isn't that nice, and she told you that!!??

Maybe not talking at all about anything but children is the best thing to do. If she wants
to start talking about the 2 of you, just avoid
it all costs for now.

You know you don't have to put on that smile when
she comes over, if you don't have a smile in your heart. In fact you don't have to give her any look, and only respond w/ issues of children. It may not be doing her much good either. Let her know by the look on your face that what she has done has hurt you and family. It really does make you loose some respect for a person like that. But don't be rude to her, but
don't give her any extra attention either. What she is doing is wrong, wrong, wrong. And she's needs to face that!!!

Plan B is keeping your distance from her at all costs. Being that you do have children together you have to talk about them. And keeping your distance with her is meant to salvage any love you do have for her, and hopefully she will break ties with OM.

As far as the children talking of her kissing
OM in front of them. It would be good to just
talk to children, tell them you're sorry they
seen something like that, and it must have hurt
their feelings quite a bit. Just understand and
listen to how they feel about it.

I know here you can get public defender/court appointed lawyer for custody/family/child support issues in Family Court. You can request that W not have any OM spend the night while your children are present can't you? That may be why she wants joint custody, because she has more of a say of what she can do with children and what she can't. Becareful.

I would suggest a full Plan B with that woman!!

Plus it will help keep your sanity through it all. Right now you feel she is playing games,
but you don't need to play w/ her. Ignore her
games behavior.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

ladysheep,
no, she didn't tell me herself, she told my 14 year daughter.

My W just im'ed me. She thinks i'm going out of town, she also thinks i have a girlfriend. She asked me why my children couldn't go, unless its none of my bus.. So i stated its none of your bus, this is how you wanted it, so its time i got on with my life.
I ended up im'ing her too long, it all went great though. At least it seems thatr way.

With the smile i was putting on, at times it was difficult. I was hoping that she would still see the brighter side of me, the person that did have spirit, still full of life, with laughter.
There were times when i wasn't able to, and i have noticed my cold ethal acted as though she could care less. A few times yes i noticed she looked as though she was some what concerned,, but maybe thats what I wanted to see.

How can a person actually act as though they are errorless, mistake free??? I don't necassarily refer to my wife.
I had a family reunion today, while there. i was sitting and thinking, (ok, so i was missing my wife) I started thinking of some of the things that i have been scared of,,, only to realize that none of them, had me as fearful as my wife. This seems SO screwed up!!! She's not only my wife, but the mother of my children. Maybe i should have stumbled home drunk, and been a skirt chaser. Or maybe not come home at times as well. Than maybe i could accept and or understand. Do you u8nderstand what i mean?
I just blew it again,, she's still on line, to i sent her a good nite. She responded.
Ladysheep. while we were im'ing, she was actually appearing to be nice, yes its difficult to really tell thru internet chit chat, but she had several lol's and rofl. Again, this new game i must now play!!?? Maybe shes happy thinking i have a girlfriend, cuz now it will be easier, thinking i too now want out!?

She seemed pretty upset that i wasn't going to be here at six, thinking either she should keep the children longer, then she asked if i would just pick them up when i came back from where ever i was going. She sent me a long email, but it felt as though i was being lectured, and maybe scolded.
I started thinking if i had a tail, i would place it between my legs and run off,, lol yipping at that! I wasn't really thinking that last part, i was just allowing some of my personality out.

Ladysheep, thats all i do is basically listen to the children, asking them how they felt, also telling them mommy loves you, and so does daddy. But i feel more important that they need to know they can talk to their daddy. I have to be careful, we have all this PAS (parent alienation) and whatever else. Its almost damned if you do, and the same if you don't/ Regardless, the bottom lone is, the children ALWAYS recieve what they never should have!!! They never asked for any of this,, and they really should not have to have their faces slapped with it. (figuretively speaking)

I'am going to be checking into the issue about keeping the children away from any other guy. They as well do not deserve that. Maybe later, if the divorce is going to be, but just not this soon. They too need time.

Its so difficult to ignore her,,. WHY!!??
Because maybe i *choose* to have it difficult??

I know i have rambled on, and on.
SO now i'm gone,,

just call me 2%

Steven,

I don't think manipulation tactics and games is
the answer. But it's your "choice".

Hoping the best for you!!

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Hi Stephen,

Hang in there! Stephen, you have to be careful because it is so easy to start stirring things up... all the anger, blaming, bitterness, accusations, etc. FORGIVE your wife and LOVE her. That's it. Just forgive and love her and do right in the sight of God!! Regardless of her response, do right! You will not know the right you are to do unless you are in God's Word. He will show you. He says, "Bless those who curse you" and "forgive your enemies." He says that love always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres, endures all things, believes all things.

Your wife is a sinnner. I am a sinner. You are a sinner. All in need of God's grace, mercy, and love. Let go of any anger, bitterness, etc. you have and ask the Lord to help you through this. Let go and surrender it all to Him. He is able. He is great and He is trustworthy.

There are definitely things your wife needs to work on (as I'm sure there are things you also need to work on just as I need to work on too!). Pray for her. Pray for her asking the Lord to heal her, to draw her to Him, to speak to her.

I know there is so much pain, confusion, etc... I have been there, believe me! Only the Lord has helped me keep my sanity at all! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am praying for you. Oh, and I wanted to apologize-- I never emailed. I kept posting here but then I also think I didn't feel completely comfortable with it. I'm not sure why... prob. because of you being a man. And I think also you really need to turn to the Lord, as I do also. I am not sure I am also yet strong enough to be able to help you as much as you need. I think you need a pastor or a godly male mentor who can help you... and someone in person, not internet.

But when I am here, I do want to encourage you as much as I can. The Lord gives me enough strength to be here, do some encouraging, and then go to bed! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> If I am here too much, I become downcast because I think I still need much healing in my own heart and am not yet in a place to be able to handle too much of everyone else's divorces, although it seems God has allowed me to handle 4 or 5 and I am thankful! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well, Stephen, God bless you and may God give you wisdom, strength, adn His peace that passes understanding!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandign; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Prov. 3:5-6

P.S. If you can get this book, please do. It is very good and helpful. It's only $3.99. It is full of wisdom though. Here is a link to it. http://www.zondervanchurchsource.com/product.asp?ISBN=0310425220

sorry to say,,,but i'am done. today i found out we should be divorced sometime in Sept. I cannot handle anymore manipulation!!! I CANNOT handle anymore!! This emotional roller coaster ride has begun again! I allow myself to listen what my W says, i become excited, only to once again, get let down. Once again to hear yet one more excuse,,

stephan

Gimme a barf bag. This is worse than daytime TV.

M3... what is the point of your post???

Stephen, I will keep you in my prayers.

LoveMyEx,, thanks
I strayed! I noticed a softening of a heart,,,
conversations were becoming longer and longer,, the discussions were at times on *us* and such,,
I had been praying in scripture,, i *seen* the change,,and stopped the prayers,,,

Follow God&#8217;s way instead. &#8220; &#8216;For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, but My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, and My covenant of peace will not be shaken,&#8217; says the LORD who has compassion on you.&#8221; Isa. 54:10. Pore over the Bible, letting Him &#8220;wash you with the water of the Word.&#8221; Eph. 5:26. Pray, and believe what Scripture says, not what you see: &#8220;Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.&#8221; Hebr. 11:1. &#8220;And without faith it is impossible to please (God)&#8230;.&#8221; Hebr. 11:6.

with the barf bag,,, i'll be sure to inform my family of this thought/feeling. Afterall, its my *family* affected, by this sickening act/thought.

I'M A STANDER!!!
http://www.rejoiceministries.org

<small>[ September 01, 2003, 02:25 PM: Message edited by: Stephan ]</small>

Hi Stephen, I havent' been in here lately but it was good to read your post. Remember.. I have been where you have been. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> And often still am! I know all too well how your emotions sometiems overwhelm you and how easy it is to become bitter and angry. I have been fighting that lately myself.

Keep doing what is right despite anything your wife does. That is the best thing you can do. But I am glad you have seen her softeneing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Great verses Stephen!!
‘For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, but My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, and My covenant of peace will not be shaken,’ says the LORD who has compassion on you.” Isa. 54:10. Pore over the Bible, letting Him “wash you with the water of the Word.” Eph. 5:26. Pray, and believe what Scripture says, not what you see: “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebr. 11:1. “And without faith it is impossible to please (God)….” Hebr. 11:6.

Stephen, about the barf bag and your reponse, I totally know where you are coming from. It amazes me how easily people toss aside marriages as if they are no big deal. When people have told me to "move on" I think "MOVE ON???" My husband divorced me and I just "move on?" Move on to what exactly? Do I smile, pretend the marriage did not exist, find another husband to keep me from being lonely, etc? Why does it make someone "barf" that I have chosen to love the man who was my HUSBAND?? Not boyfriend, not lover, not friend... HUSBAND... the man I vowed to love "til death." Shouldn't that be what makes someone "barf?" The fact that vows have been broken?

I literally hate how reconciliation AFTER divorce is soooo rarely encouraged. In fact, most restored marriages (like Charlyne's and Bob's and the couple at Restore Ministries) were not encouraged by others. That's why I've encouraged you also to not seek too much advice here but in the Word! Even pastors will say "move on." Many people have heard "move on" or "he's not going to change" or "you're in denial," and those same people's marriages were restored!

God bless you Stephen! Keep doing right in God's eyes. Hang in there. I have had a bad week this week... struggling with bitterness, doubt, etc... my husband got engaged. My heart is broken, I see no hope, yet I cannot stop hoping until the day he remarries. Please pray that that day does not come!!!

I pray that your wife's heart continues to become a "heart of flesh" and no longer a "heart of stone." I pray that she is drawn to you, softened towards you, and that God does a mighty work in you so that you walk with Him every day with consistency so that your wife can see that she can trust you and that you are a man of God who truly loves her.

Praying for you!

LoveMyEx, to this day, almost everybody says I'm crazy!!! That I too should just move on. That one day, the sun will shine again.
Recently while talking with my mom, I informed her I was still hoping, and praying for an reconciliation. I informed her how I was helping my w think i had a girlfriend. She acyually was more for me, finally. Not that her opinion matters, but.
Lately our daughter has been crying more and more for her mommy, this is when it can become somewhat tougher.
We walk to the wishing well almost every day, so she can make her wish, that God will make her mommy love daddy again, and come home.
Yeah, i want to BARF at the thought of how this world actually is, regards to a broken family/marriage.
We all should have the philosphy that its ok to just leave, divorce, and go find another piece of the pie and start all over again.

While talking with my W today, its as though she has a lot of anger, directed to me. I didn't get involved with another. Knowing what i know, regards to the OP, sure it hurt, but its already past. Therefore thats where it would stay. I wouldn't even want to know any and or all details. I'm more bothered by this whole thing, from what its doing to our children, opossed to the OP. I forgave her for that awhile ago.
Besides, If we were to get back together, what good would be accomplished by going back, talking about OP? I'd want to focus more on learning/acomplishing necassary steps or whatever, to prevent it again!!!

I too pray that the wedding (your husbands) is somehow stopped. Maybe I'll show up, when preacher asks if anyone deny's(or whatever the question is) , I'll STAND UP!

I'm praying for you.
I'M A STANDER!!! struggling again,,,

<small>[ September 05, 2003, 08:25 PM: Message edited by: Stephan ]</small>