I have been d. for a year and while I was the one who had my a. first, he then had one and finally we ended it, or I did deciding that it was not good for us or our children to continue the way we were....anyway, I put up with a lot of e. abuse because I thought I "deserved" it for having my a., however I just found out that the a. I thought he was having before mine, he indeed was having...I am only upset because he still calls me a "whore" or "slut" whenever he sees me and I think it's ridiculous, I don't even acknowledge him anymore, but I want to vent, is it right???

RAINE,

You know that venting is good!!!! We need to let out the anger, but what I see you saying is that you want to vent this out on xH. Now let me try and be the calm of reason and ask what good would that do you or the boys? Do you gain anything from venting on him? Would he even get it? Probably not!!!! Would you feel better? Probably for a short while. Would you be setting the example for your boys that you have been striving for? Probably not!!! Would that make you feel bad later? Probably. Do you want to feel that way? Probably not!!!

So girl you know what it is Miss Dawn is going to tell you, don't you? Get that armour out and put it on. You know the truth now, he did have an affair before yours. Does that make any of the behaviors any better? NO! I am sorry that he feels the need to call you names when he sees you, I am sure that is very hard to take, I've never had anyone call me those names. Put that armour on and protect yourself from this unrighteous man. Don't fall into the gutter next to him, your boys need you to be strong.

Come here and vent, vent all you want to us!!!

Best of luck to you!!! Take care!!!

Email me if you need!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

((((((((rainefall))))))))

I am so sorry that your ex is continuing to give you such grief. Dawn is so right (as usual <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) about "putting on the armour". That is THE way to go. It's the high road, and that is the road meant for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

If he's saying these kinds of things in front of the children... is there anything you can do to place a restraining order or something, on him? The emotional well being of children is so often forgotten about, especially by the courts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> , and I was just wondering if there is anything you can do.

As far as finding out that your ex was indeed having an A prior to yours; I think it is great that you finally know for sure. I hope it brings you closure, at least to validate that you weren't going crazy afterall! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

A lot of intuitions prove to be truthful... you had a feeling that he was having an affair and it proved to be accurate. I'm sorry that your wounds are still fresh after a year and this has so hurt you.
Be nice to yourself and stop beating yourself up! You are obviously remorseful for your choices (of the affair), but you need to heal and move forward. Forgive yourself and stop punishing yourself... Find your pride and move forward.
His having an affair first doesn't really affect the outcome. Are you trying to find vindication for having the affair? Try to put it all behind you and move forward.

You guys are right, like always <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . I guess it's just hard to have him calling me all these names and while we were married he always acted like I was doing everything wrong and it took almost everything out of me. I'm a lot stronger now, and so I ignore him or hang up when he does those things. I've told him that he's no longer welcome to call, and it helps some. The best thing about this is that he's trying to spend time with one of our children because he feels guilty, but at least he's giving him something.

Maybe the reason I want to take it out on him is because he always does to me and it would feel good, I know it wouldn't do any good, so I'll just pray to be released from it. Maybe someday I'll be ready to date <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !

You guys have done so much for me and I'm really thankful!!

RAINE,

I am glad that you are feeling better today!!! It's not that we are right it's that you are you just needed some help remembering right!!!!

Hey I am reading a romance where the main charcters name is Raine!!!!

Have a good day, Dating will come someday!! You might think of a counselor, sounds like your x did a number on you and your ego!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks Dawn, well you know, the novel is probably based on my life (at least in my dreams)

I am going to counseling and doing fairly well, somedays are really hard though. Luckily, he hasn't been harassing me lately so I feel much better.

Long term no contact could be the key to your advanced healing Rainefall. That's what was needed for me. Without my stbxH putting me down all the time (in his way), I have come so far in my healing... that I'm even surprising myself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Have you been in touch with a local women's shelter or abuse centre? They could give you all sorts of information, and perhaps offer groups to attend to help you come to terms with the abuse you were put through by your H, and how to not allow it to happen in your life again.

As far as dating again... when you're ready, you're ready. Do NOT rush into that if you're not ready. But still remember to move on with your life, and number one... get out there and have fun!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen

Raine, My STBXH called me all those names and more. Since I didn't have an A, he made up reasons and made false accusations. But no one "deserves" to be called names or to be put down all the time. That's verbal abuse.

I read a very good book that helped me a lot called THE VERBALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP by Patricia Evans. She also has a website: www.verbalabuse.com