Going thru a divorce right now, it is not missing her but the utter destruction of our family.
It has hit me hard, my whole world has revolved around my kids, now she has sole custody, and am not involved in their everyday life as I had been previously.

If I just had my kids I would be fine, I wouldn't care if I met another woman ever.

But she totally disposed of me, married 17 years and hasn't even talked to me, of course 1 week after being tossed away she had a new constant guy companion.
It is amazing how selfish people can be.........
Of course she warned of this, she even said it was now her time to be selfish "It was all about her now"

I just want to know why?

I'm sorry for what your going through. I'm not sure how long the divorce has been going on but I hope that in time maybe you will be able to spend more time with your children. I'm about 3 1/2 weeks into mine and for the first week I know I cluthed onto my children all I could. He did have visitation but in no way what it was when we were together. I now try to give him as much time as he possibly can (he works evenings). The one thing I've had to realize is that when your split you'll never be able to have the "same" time with your children as you did before. It's been very difficult for me as well. It's an adjustment. Luckily I THINK we're getting past our "selfish" periods and to where we can put the kids first. I hope that you and your ex can get to that point very soon!!!!
Good luck!!

To both of you: Find a local support group to help you through this. MB is fine, but human contact is necessary too. And others are living the same thing as us and have great advice.

There are also support groups for the kids. I highly recommend Rainbows. www.rainbows.org If there isn't one in your area, ask your church to host it.

Firefly, I can’t tell you why. Only she can. But, if she says “It’s all about me now,” I’d think that for a while she’s felt it was never about what she wanted or needed. That her needs were ignored.

Her Taker has taken over big time. This can happen when our Giver has been out of control. And women far more than men, allow their Giver to suck them dry. Then, there are no energy reserves to keep Taker in line.

Read more of about Giver and Taker in the Basic Concepts area.

Hey firefly. I can honestly say I know what you are going through.Our divorce is almost over(sep. since feb.). My WS said the same "not in love anymore, tired of doing everything, not ever gonna work out anymore..etc" stuff to me too. I started reading everything I could get my hands on to find out why this happened and how I was involved in letting it happen. I found out alot about relationships and how they go bad and how to prevent them from going south( wish I knew that back then).Well, I can honestly say I am more a informed person now and have a totally different outlook on everything. I too miss my children dearly but the time we do spend together is so precious now. As for my WS, well, only time will tell on all of that. I have greived and wept and been on my knee's praying for her and my children everyday. God has a plan for us all. If we are obediant and faithful he will reveal it to us. I truly believe this. Keep him first in your life. He will take care of the rest. God bless!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rufustfirefly:
<strong>Going thru a divorce right now, it is not missing her but the utter destruction of our family.
It has hit me hard, my whole world has revolved around my kids, now she has sole custody, and am not involved in their everyday life as I had been previously.

If I just had my kids I would be fine, I wouldn't care if I met another woman ever.

But she totally disposed of me, married 17 years and hasn't even talked to me, of course 1 week after being tossed away she had a new constant guy companion.
It is amazing how selfish people can be.........
Of course she warned of this, she even said it was now her time to be selfish "It was all about her now"

I just want to know why?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My EX did the same, had a new boyfriend 3 weeks after we seperated...........The only thing that is a bit hard is to NOT see my kids everyday. I do see them often as possible though. What really stinks, is that we dont share in anything with the kids anymore. We take them to the beach seperately, events seperately.....THAT is what really sux. Otherwise, Im much happier as a person. My EX is going through a bunch of drama right now.......Not to be rough, but its sweet justice and serves her right.....for thinking the grass was greener. Well, it aint.....its almost dead. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ August 28, 2003, 03:36 PM: Message edited by: StartinOver ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is amazing how selfish people can be.........
Of course she warned of this, she even said it was now her time to be selfish "It was all about her now"
I just want to know why?[/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're not alone, pal. Mine dumped my azz the first time for an internet lover, who came here and fuc|<ed her for 3 weeks then went back home.
Of course, she had to tell me all about it.

During our marriage therapy, she let him come back for another 3 week round... end of therapy.

After 18 months of me trying to get past this unfathomable hurt-- whine, piss, moan--- she dumped me again, and had a new guy sleeping in my former bed within a week or so. She had the same excuses as you mention: "it's my time to be selfish", "I just want to date... nothing serious", "maybe if we see something different for a while, we'll realize what we had".

After 6 months, she now whines to me about how she now feels trapped with the new guy.

I'm sure many people here will blame me; I'm the man, so therefore, this is supposed to be mostly my fault.

<small>[ August 30, 2003, 01:57 AM: Message edited by: m3bim ]</small>