LetStry, I think a key element in not being able to rebuild is the alcohol/drug/addiction situation in a lot of marriages. If honesty is needed, there is no hope for the M stuggling with addiction. Addiction gets it power from denial and deceit.

If there were no addiction in my H's life, I probably would be still living in my M. I support anyone who can wait til the dust settles and work things out. The A does come into the light and there is hope for rebuilding. I would do anything to be married to my H right now. I hate the single life and I was the one who wanted marriage, family, togetherness, sharing and building things together.

TW

Hi Lupolady,

This would be very difficult since Ex-H and I have no (zero) contact. HIS CHOICE.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I truly wish you love and happiness. Jesus is the best husband of them all. I was a single woman for many years as Jesus being my only husband. Some of the best years of my life.
No H compares to Him!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> When I was single I missed companionship of a male. Now that I'm married, I miss the undivided attention I was able to give to my Lord. It is so true of the
scriptures in that the unmarried woman/man cares about how he/she pleases the Lord, and the married woman/man cares about how he/she pleases her spouse. It was much easier being single and just having to pleasing the Lord. Just being honest!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Don't fret. His plan for you is good, and to give you a future and a hope. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Hi lonelyjrock,

I have been telling her how I feel and she knows I love her and I want to be w/ her. I've been doing that for 4 months adn it's only pushed her away, because that's all I've been doing is talking, no action. That's what I'm doing now. Actions speak louder than words, that's how I look at it now.
I think that's good. May the Lord cause her to trust you again. May the Lord cause her to forgive you, and to give you another chance, and may He knit and join you together in His love, never to be broken apart again.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Hi LetsTry,

I made it very clear to my STBXH that I wanted to reconcile.
Good. May he never forget that!!!

....including Steve Harley (who BTW, recommended divorce in my case because of H's substance abuse and verbal abusiveness-though I wasn't ready to let go at the time he advised this).
Yes, I can understand why. God protects also.
Has your Ex since sought help for his substance abuse? With substance abuse involved, marriages are pretty much doomed until sobriety is acheived first, then and only then can a marriage be worked on. Let's pray that man gets
sober and comes to the light!!!!

I'm working on myself, my relationships in general, especially with God.
That's good!! God has good things in store for you!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Look in the "Prayer Requests" forum for group that posts restoration of marriage prayer requests.

Dear All:

The Woody Allen movie evening want splendidly. Just the "five" of us (mainly the two of us, but then our two children and Shih Tzu also watched off and on). We watched, laughed, and talked. No heavy pressure. No deep isssues. Just being together. That was yesterday.

Then today as I am leaving my divorce support group, I receive a text message asking me where I am. My ex-wife was, at that moment, on the train coming home and wondered whether I was on the same train and whether we could walk home together. She said she just wanted someone to talk to and that it needed to be someone special, so she thought of me. I visited her apartment for coffee. We just talked again casually. Then she suggests that we go for a walk this coming Friday evening (5 September) which happens to be the 23rd anniversary of the day we first met. That day in 1980 was also a Friday. Wow!! Yes, I said, let`s walk and talk.

So here I am getting all these signs that she may be ready to begin talking again. I have let her be for half a year and now I am beginning to see changes. Is this God touching her or is this just because her sports writer lover has stopped touching her? I believe the former, but the latter has crossed my mind.

Finally, after coffee at her place, we had a joint task to perform at my home. Yesterday, my daughter and I brought a sick hedgehog to our local vet. She had found it in our backyard and kept it alive for a day by feeding it and keeping it warm. Well, the little creature died today at the vet`s office and I had to share this sad news with my daughter. If my ex-wife hadn`t invited me over for coffee though I would have shared this news with my daughter alone, but instead we did it together as a mother and father should. Is this God working again? I really think so. Something is happening in her heart. I will be patient though and not jump to any conclusions until the answer is crystal clear.

Standing in Finland

standinginfinland that is great to hear that your wife is opening her heart to you , babysteps is the best way I think to approach it, It give me insperation to see what is happening to you, as I said earlier I only hope my actions speak louder than words, I told her I'm letting go of lover for now, she knows how I feel and how I want to be with her again someday, so the best thing for me to do is just let time go on, and I;m leaving it in gods hands, if were ment to be together we will be together,di d your wife start showing positive signs when you just started working on yourself, and not working on trying to save the marriage?

StandingInFinland, Hope things go well with your ex-wife. I'll be praying for you.

tossedwave and ladysheep, Yes, the substance abuse is/was, IMHO (though my H blamed me totally for his choices), the major issue in the end of my marriage. Apparently my H also had an ongoing problem with infidelity throughout our M, even during his years of sobriety, really just another "drug." He is also extremely verbally abusive when he's not sober.

But, I was totally willing to start over if he'd chosen to return to sobriety and reconciliation. Instead, he's still abusing drugs and alcohol and living with much younger MOW while I support them both. Since he continues to blame me for everything that's gone wrong in his life, I maintain no contact for the sake of my own sanity and recovery.