Would greatly appreciate your collective knowledge here. What kind of paperwork do I need to get in order/bring...what do I have to safeguard against so I won't be taken advantage of? Again. What should I ask for?

Little background: Just had my second d-day Aug. 20th. Hasta la vista, Baby.

Kicked him out. Forced him to go stay with ow--dirty laundry and all. Told him he owed it to me--I did all the cleaning up after him during their affair--and he's a selfish, lazy slob. If she was getting cake and I was getting the crumbs, she should have been doing it all along.

I'm hinting that we [might have a chance to get back together (NOT!)if he stays there, gives her a chance or gets her out of his system. He hates it there but so far, still wants me back, so is doing everything I say like a lovesick puppydog.

This, I guess, is a bit of my revenge. They're actually suffering more than I am. Lord forgive me for the delight I take in that.

Anyway...I'm in need of advice from smart people.

About this legal separation business...?

just go see a lawyer. . and file for the divorce, worry about the other stuff later. .

some states have legal separation, other's don't

sorry to see you back again. . .

i thought i recognized your name,

with no kids, life is too short. . .

just get on with your life

wiftty

Mahalo, WIFTT. Man, you're fast!

But I'm unable to file directly for divorce at this time. Long boring story...

But I plan to file Jan. 2004. Looking forward to it, actually.

I heard some lawyers are very male biased and feel the women are wrong to leave no matter who's fault it really was...so I was very leery and just wanted to be prepared...or reassured, I don't know which. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My dear L,
just these days I wondered what's going with you. I believed that you are ok and I am very sad hering the same old story, that's disgustting.
You know that I can't give you an advice cause I am from Europe. But I want you to know that I am with you, thinking of you.
If you want please mail me. the address is the same: dara@medri.hr

Hugs and love
D

bd!

Long time no hear...

Thank you.

Things still rough, huh?

L,
"still rough" for me. For you it is probably "again rough". Who knows what's worse???It is not important.
I couldn't imagine you, above all, will be again in the same situation, and with the same person. You are so warm, nice, patient, loving person.
I do not offer you help, acause I still can't help myself. Here the situation is even worse cause YD is now living with them (cause she wanted to return to her former school), and she is visitting psychol for obsessive moves (I miss the right english word) she has in his and my home. The psych says that she is so insicure in both of us (me:one day crying, the other in a good mood,,,him:hardly keep promisses of time coming to pich her up or to go with her somewhere, baby son and S come first) The only difference is that I see my mistakes and hardly try to correct myself, and he sees only me as guilty for everything (if he admit the problem)
Not to bother you, I remember your words of her possibilities and I believe she'll pass thru this crisis.
Like we all will. Someone earlier, someone, like me later and with more damage.
Let's see.
Hope you'll get smart advices and you'll go thru this with even more strength than 1st time.
Mail me.
love
D

Hi Leilana,

I found the documents you would need for Hawaii. You will have to pay about 30USD for them but you might be able to get away with not having to hire a lawyer. Go to this web site: http://secure.uslegalforms.com/cgi-bin/forms/query.pl?S-C-B-B-divorce~settlement~agreement~hawaii

It will be the bottom form "Separation and Property Settlement Agreement No Children -- May have Joint Property or Debts -- Effective Immediately. It will also have an outline for the case law that this form is based upon. I would also suggest that you contact your local county court house and talk to the clerk there in charge. She/he will be able to give you advice as well on how the procedure works. I always make it my mission to figure out which one is the nice one and always deal with them. Also does not hurt to get to know the judge, who would sign off on the agreement, such as what type of person they are and how the ussually rule in such matters. If you have any legal terms you do not know I would suggest looking here: http://dictionary.law.com/

As far as the verbal agreement on your H selling the motorcycle for a down payment for a car for you get it in writting. Stipulate a time line and minimum amount. Maybe go to Kelly book online find out the sell price and nock off a couple 100USD. That way he can not sell it to a friend for a dollar or anything doggy like that. He is working with you now but who knows what will happen in a month or two.

Figure out your debts and maybe try and deconstruct who created what debt and why. You might be able to sue for any monies that he spent such as hotel and the like on the OW because that is money he took from the family home. Not sure if you can in Hawaii. I would also suggest that you look at every bill and decide before hand who pays what. Do you want to risk your H paying the morgage since he is not living there? You know your H better than anyone but do you want to risk him not paying some of the bills and you become responsable for that too. Because going back to court can take time.

If you did all the leg work and then had a lawyer look over it and give advice it will be cheaper for you. I knew when I saw the post about the recieved call that contact had been resumed. My heart broke for you but I know you are a very strong capable woman and you will learn from this.

Hi,
Sorry to see you here, I know how hard it is to finally let go of the trying and hopeing and fighting for the marriage and just accept that some men can not do the work needed to recover. But there is life after divorce, really, and without kids, I never have to see him.

I went to a woman who recomended that I prepare by doing a timeline of the marriage, with all finacial stuff included. Also I made copies of all the finacial records at the time of seperation. I looked up the vehicles value and all assests values. Be prepared that you will have to do all the work for it.
You can also ask around about attorneys. Mine was wonderful. She is even taking me out to lunch this week. She did sort of mediation, so that we tried to be fair and split 50-50.

Good luck, and the best thing is to not see him so much and to start doing things for yourself. Get a massage, a pedicure, go out with friends.

bd, I'm so sorry.

MN, oh, I cannot thank you enough!! This is wonderful!

Lora, yes, I never thought being childless would be this much of a blessing before...

Thank you for your very good practical advice as well. Taking everything to heart.

Wow, I thought I'd be a stranger here. What a lovely surprise...

Can I just say that I think forcing him to live with her is a stroke of genius? I would wish for all our WS that they were forced to live with the OP as long as our marriage to them was. I think it would be lovely. Maybe up the domestic violence rate, but hey, they want to be together SOOO bad that they sneak around to do it,right?

Take care, enjoy your time to yourself.

Lora, Honey, THANK YOU!!

H tells me everyone that talks to him thinks that I'm insane for wanting this. I told him, "And who is the one you screwed around on? THEM? Believe me, this is what I want."

He's confused...but getting it.