Hey ya'll! If you have read where I have posted lately you know that me and my W are nearing the end of our divorce. The thing is every since wednsday her attitude seems to be differant towards me. The question I have is I know that me and my W where "in love" before, are their any ways, situations or ideas that I can show my W that I have changed and make her miss me and want to be with me again or is this a timely natural process that has to just unfold before my eyes. I really do place all my faith in God if this is his will for us and pray for her,us and our children regularly.How bout it any ideas??

Just ignore her and play it cool. After she gets tired of all the phony [censored] and their pickup lines out on the so-called "dating scene", she'll start to make slight gestures toward you again. If you really want to get her goat, then let her think you have some new love interest. Her inate female insecurity will take over, and she'll start to consider all your wonderful, endearing qualities.

Here are a couple of good books that give great suggestions on "winning" back your spouse.

This one is only $3.99 and very good. You can order it here: http://www.crosslifebooks.com/bookpages/HowToSave.htm

This other one is by Gary Smalley and also very good, but more expensive. It is written specifically for husbands whose wives want out: http://cave3.r5i.com/cgi-bin/catalogmgr/198081026136024127/browse/item/60314/28/0/0

Also, see these sites for suggestions. Both are marriage reconciliation sites: www.restorem.org and www.rejoiceministries.org

I believe that if you treat her with kindness, respect, and love, you will go very far to soften her heart. Change the things she didn't like, be humble, be forgiving, and seek her forgiveness as well... and with time, if you are consistent in these things, she will see a change in you. Be her friend, listen to her, admire and respect her, do not say anything bad about her to the kids, help her.... offer financial help if she needs it, etc. It will take work on your part, much prayer, and perseverence, but in the end, I do believe restoration is very possible. Seek the Lord constantly.

God bless.

adamv,

Ask yourself, how do 'I' want her to treat me?? And then treat her that way..

But, the only way you can show her you've changed
is by allowing her to SEE how you've changed over the course of time..showing consistancy!!

I have a question...you say that you have been praying..and going to church now..is that something you did throughout your marriage?? or something you've just started doing?? Did your wife go to church with out you during your marriage? if so, how often?

What motivated you to attend church now?

Really think about this..before you answer it..

Were you motivated only because your marriage was falling apart??

That is not a bad thing..as it usually takes something horrible happening in our lives to get our attention..and for us to call out to God..

but, what motivates you to go now? Is it so that your wife will come back to you? or is it because of a new found faith in Christ, and you really want to serve Him?

What was your faith like before? and how did you apply the biblical priniciples to your marriage?

How did you view your role as a husband before this happened?

How did you view your wife's role, before this happened?

And have those views changed? if so how?

Did you ever use scriptures to get your wife to submit to you? (and what was your view of submission?)

If so, it may take a very LONG time for her to trust that you have really changed..

And if you did, why should she just 'trust' that you've changed because your going to church?

I mean, if you went before and said you were a Christian before..what is different now?

have you gone to her and sought her forgiveness for your actions causing the marriage to end? Not expecting her to forgive you...but just because it is what God wants you to do?

the bible tells us that if when we bring our offering to the alter and remember our brother has
aught against us, we are to leave and go to our brother and seek their forgiveness..(parphrased)

Which basically means..that God wants us to go and seek their forgiveness, whether they forgive us or not..doesn't matter--that is between them and God...all we're supposed to do is what He say's--and that is to go and acknowledge how we've hurt them..and seek their forgiveness--have you been able to do that??

If not, it's something to pray about..be specific with her about what you did wrong..and what you've learned from that..and let her know you don't expect her to believe that you have changed
but if she is willing...you would love for her to give you a chance to show her..you could tell her
something like...

I don't expect you to trust me when I tell you I have changed..because that can only be shown by my actions over time..but I would love the opportunity to show you--

And even if our divorce does go through..maybe we could go out occassionally--and see if we can rebuild the love you once felt for me--I understand if you don't want to take that step-
but, I can learn to accept it--

And then leave it in God's hands...

I believe as a Christian..this will go a long way in beginning to heal the hurts she has inside...

<small>[ August 30, 2003, 07:52 AM: Message edited by: ThornedRose ]</small>

We have been going to church for about 8 years faithfully. She more than I because of my work schedule. But when everything started to fall apart she just stopped going and blamed me for not attending our church( cause I was still going there). The thing is, is that there are other churches near us and even one that our children even stated they enjoy attending. But they still have only been twice in the past 6 months. I do agree that I was not a "christian leader" in our family as I feel I should have been and yes I feel that is something that has changed.I also feel that I took so many things for granted in our relationship. I do feel that she desprately wanted total control over all of the decisions that were made and our finances which I let happen to a degree but when I chimed in on how I thought something should be handled is when conflict occured ( no enthusiastic agreement). I am about finished reading Dr. Harleys book "Fall in love, stay in love" and I can tell you it opened my eyes to alot of things. I felt as though he was talking about exactly the same troubles we were having in our marriage! Right now I feel our children our very exhausted about Mom and Dad not getting along our having conflicts with each other( though I feel I have REALLY tried to be civil and a friend throughout this whole process) that it has created a huge gash in the fabric of our family. I have distanced myself from being around or calling my WS only because I don't want to fight. It absolutely kills me when we get in an argument or conflict. I feel the wound get ripped open further and further. I do not want to fight with her. I would like to get along but I have been told it will take some time for hurt feelings to mend. I feel lost our torn on how to communicate with her cause one day she talks to me like everythings ok and 2 days later she's biting my head off! I don't understand what's going on. Some people have told me it's just her guilt cause she's not happy with her life right now plus seeing her selfishness rip our family apart is taking it's toll on her. I don't know. All I can do is pray and put it in God's hands.