I am going to a wedding today and I am feeling so cynical and so anti marriage that I hope it doesnt show. I wonder if they have really discussed how they want to treat each otehr and how they will handle things when times get tough. They are not young and he has been married before and I wonder if it will last.

I think I will never marry again, probably never even be in another relationship.

And yet I also feel alone and like noone in this world really knows or cares about me.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Lora,

How well do you know the couple to be married?

If you are close to them have you asked them these things??

read over on Tossedwaves thread about being alone..maybe that will offer some comfort...

Hi Lora,

I remember when we first started posting to each other. I guess your own pain and loss is still too fresh to prevent cynicism. Can't blame you a bit. I heard once that a cynic is an idealist who has been burned. It wasn't that long ago that your world was devastated.

Why don't you plan ahead with a couple of mantras to call up in your head, something like "All brides are beautiful" and "I'm so happy for the both of them" and run them like a tape whenever a skeptical thought surfaces. Have positive cliches ready for conversation:
They were made for each other.
I love weddings.
What a lovely service.
Wasn't the choir fantastic?
She SUCH is a beautiful bride!
I'm so happy for them.

Don't worry if you say something trite or silly. Nobody will remember your exact words. Smile a lot. And remember, though you are not feeling positive right now, weddings are a good place to meet guys.

And I bet you're going to look gorgeous!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for the quick responses you 2.

TR, she was a coworker and I was fairly close to her, but dont feel comfortable with that discussion.

Belle, LOL, yes, I should probably practice those things instead of my first instinct... to stand up and yell, marriage sucks!
I did buy a new outfit and shoes and made matching jewerly and I think I spent more on my outfit then I did on my own wedding.

Belle, LOL, yes, I should probably practice those things instead of my first instinct... to stand up and yell, marriage sucks!
I did buy a new outfit and shoes and made matching jewerly and I think I spent more on my outfit then I did on my own wedding.[/QB][/QUOTE]

That's great! And now you have a terrific and classy outfit for another occasion.

Other than the outfit, how was the event? Did you enjoy yourself? [Of course you did! Getting all dolled up with someplace special to go, what woman wouldn't enjoy that!

just focus on the free food aspect, and stuff yourself.

I had a good time, chatted with friends, Thought I looked Ok in the new outfit, thought the bride was beautiful.

But then there was the moment when the minister talked about how he hoped the married couples in the audience would use this time to recommitt or whatever he said and I remembered our wedding and almost cried.

I don't know how to accept that love dies.

Lora:

--Thought I looked Ok in the new outfit, thought the bride was beautiful.--

TR- Well now Lora, did you want to outdo the bride and groom on their day??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

--But then there was the moment when the minister talked about how he hoped the married couples in the audience would use this time to recommitt or whatever he said and I remembered our wedding and almost cried. --

TR- So I take it your mascara didn't run??

--I don't know how to accept that love dies.

TR- I have a question for you..do you still love your ex?? Yes, I understand you hate what he's done--but do you still love him???

Love itself doesn't die..but it does hide behind all the hurt and pain we feel inside..and until those issues are worked through..it stays hidden

TR,

Its my XH love that seemed to die without warning.

Yes, I still love him but am actively trying to kill it off. Day by day I am working on it getting more distant. Hoping one day it will be a distant memory of a time long ago.

Its my XH love that seemed to die without warning.

TR- Lora, do you honestly believe he really doesn't love you? Or is it possible he says that
because of his own guilt and shame of how he's hurt you? and just doesn't want to face himself
and the truth??

I learned from my father a few years ago, that when he left our family years ago for another woman--that in his looking back..it wasn't that
he didn't love my mother..but it was his own pride
and not wanting to face the truth about his own actions..that prevented him from feeling the love he had..and because of his own guilt and shame he was afraid to try and make the marriage work and thought if he moved on--the guilt would go away..

but, that didn't happen..he would call my mother..trying to ease his own conscience..but that made it worse..it wasn't until my mom was dying was he able to really open up and share with her what he did..and how he felt..they never got back together..but, there was a reconcilation
of sorts between them..to where they both found peace..

So just know that even though you may never really know for sure why your husband did what he did..it will follow him..until he faces it..

But you can find peace..knowing you did everything
you could to make it work..and it was his choice to leave..not yours..

Lora-
I caught this one late... I don't come on here much anymore. Glad the wedding pretty much worked out for you...I feel your pain. I too have a wedding to go to soon and I couldn't be more cynical about marriage. But I'll go, bite my lip and try to have fun with my friends...w/o my former best friend (Ex Wife).

I don't have any interest in getting married again, but I do see myself enjoying the companionship of others here and there when the time is right. I just won't be able to say those vows again.

A permanent bachelor friend of mine sent me this book review. http://slate.msn.com/id/2087897/ The author apparently asks some pretty interesting questions. She sounds a little out there, but it looks like there are some interesting thoughts in there (I haven't read the book) I think I like "Marriage could be a form of renewable contract" the best!

Best of luck to you.

Thorned Rose,
THanks, yes, I hope for peace.

IYam,
Yes interesting article, but I'm not sure taking relationship advice from Kramer is the way to go either. LOL

No more relationships,I am going to be with my cats.