Does anyone know the biblical reasons???

adultery, abusive relationships, unequally yoked? (following different gods).......Im just curious if adultery is the only reason. Since we have our own free will and will sin and make mistakes, does god want us to stay in a marriage if you make a mistake and marry a really abusive person........not knowing this till later? Does god expect you to stick with a drug abuser if you didnt know about this prior to marriage? Just curious if anyone has info on this subject. Thanks in advance. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm not entirely sure of the what the correct Biblical response, but personally...

The only valid reasons I believe in are the "Three A's":

Adultery
Abuse
Addiction

Of those three, however, only the second is absolute. Adultery and addiction can be overcome, but it is very, very difficult. Abuse, however, is almost impossible to overcome, and I would personally tell anyone suffering abuse to leave and not look back.

FWIW,

Sean

Though I agree with Phyxius on this one, the only reasons I know of in the Bible are Fornification and Non-Believers.

"""But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace" (I Corinthians 7:15"""

By far - and I do mean by far - the best resource I know of on this subject is David Instone-Brewer's Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible: The Social and Literary Context. I highly recommend reading this book if you are truly serious about wanting to understand the Bible's perspective.

I just read a few snippets from that book......it says a DIVORCE is allowed on the ground of broken vows (lack of food, Love, or material care) by the wayward. The injured party can file for divorce only. The believer in the relationship should be encouraged to forgive, but does NOT have to. Hmmmmmm???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Any comments?

Acceptable? - I tell you the truth, God hates divorce. Jesus said that God let Moses allow divorce under certain circumstances only because of the hardness of mens hearts.

The only circumstance allowed by Moses was for infidelity. As it has been interpreted to me, this doesnt mean a single act but an unrepentant and continual behavior of conduct.

Other things as others have listed are cause for separation for safety etc. but what God had joined together let no man tear asunder.

The world or those who do not like biblical rationale on the message board will tell you is that you can divorce for any reason or no reason at all.

Use this link and search on divorce. http://bible.gospelcom.net/

John

I forgave and forgave for abuse, including abuse in front of the children. I forgave and hid a broken arm. When the affair was exposed, I woke up to the fact that I did not have a marriage. Marriage, I believe, is a commitment of mutual care no matter what the circumstances.

I have struggled with this a lot. I believe that I am married for life no matter what my H does. I have a Christian duty for forgive. However, I do not need to tolerate behavior which is unChristian. Forgiveness takes one; reconciliation takes two.

Here is what I believe, and this said after a full year of studying Scripture and reading MANY various things by pastors and authors (Charles Swindoll, James Dobson, Tony Evans, John McArthur), and praying about it all.

First of all, in Deuteronomy, the people wanted to justify their divorce. The men were divorcing their wives for stupid reasons (they burnt the toast too many times) but basically because they wanted to marry the other women. Well, Moses, at that point, said that if they did, they had to give the woman a divorce certificate. Women were being tossed out into the streets and then others assumed the woman was tossed out as an adulteress, and adulteresses were put to death! So the divorce certificate protected them. But Moses said, "It was not this way in the beginning." He told them this was not God's way. And he said that it was ONLY because their hearts were HARD that God "permitted" divorce.

Later in the gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke, the Pharisees try to get Jesus messed up by asking them why did Moses "command" divorce. The first thing Jesus does is he talks about marriage... its creation and permanence. Then he says how Moses "PERMITTED" divorce. Divorce is never a command. It is permitted. He says it's cause their hearts were hard.

In Malachi, people are going to God with their offerings and in tears, they are asking Him why He is ignoring them... not accepting their offerings and cries. God says that it is because they have dealt "treacherously" with their wives by divorcing them. Treachery is a type of violence! Then it says, God hates divorce.

In 1 Corinthians, it clearly says that a woman is not to divorce her husband and a man not to divorce his wife and if they do, they are to "stay single or be reconciled." And, yes, Jesus DOES say that remarriage is adultery because in God's eyes, the ONLY permission to remarry is death. If a spouse dies, then you are free to remarry. If your spouse is still alive, you are committing adultery. God wants reconciliation!

Now, about death. I read something by Tony Evans, an excellent pastor, that really opened my eyes. In the Garden of Eden, God told Adam and Eve that if they ate the fruit, they would "die." Well... they did eat it, and they lived. BUT they only lived physically. Spiritually, the did die! Tony Evans says that death in the Bible can be physical or spiritual. We know that those who are Believers die physically but do not die spiritually. And so on.

Well, in the Old Testament, the punishment for adultery was DEATH. This both was a punishment but it also freed the innocent person from that marriage and they could remarry. Well, we no longer put adulterers to death... but adultery does severe the marriage bond according to the Bible. It says that remarriage is adultery "except" if there has been fornication (which refers to any sexual sin... adultery, homosexuality, etc). HOWEVER, even that CAN be forgiven and repented of! People don't "have" to divorce and shouldn't see divorce as the first option either, in my opinion.

BUT... if a person continues in his sin of adultery... well, wouldn't one wonder if they are truly a Christian when the Bible CLEARLY calls adultery a sin? If they are not repenting and forsaking their sin, then perhaps they are spiritually "dead." Here is where abuse and mistreatment comes in. If a person continually, without repenting, is mistreating a spouse when the Bible CLEARLY says that we are to love one another and when it tells husbands to love their wives and to treat them with gentleness and understanding... well, if a man, or woman, continues and continues to abuse, etc... even after efforts have been made to help this person, then perhaps that person is not truly a Christian.

Tony Evans says that it is the church though that needs to decide this. In Matthew, it talks about that if your brother sins against you, you go privately to him and talk to him about it. If he does not repent and keeps up the sin, then you take two or three others (Christians) with you, and IN LOVE, confront him with the hopes of him repenting. If he STILL does not repent, then you go to the church and they confront the person IN LOVE. The hope is that the person will repent and change! Obviously, God wants no one to be living a disobedient life in which they are mistreating others! Well, if that person still refuses to repent, then the Church is called to treat the person as an unbeliever. Spiritually dead.

Now, the Bible does say that a Believer is not to divorce an unBeliever but that if an unBeliver WANTS out, you are to let him go. And it says the Believing person is not "bound" to that person if they leave.

As for cases in which the person is abusive, etc. but doesn't want to leave... boy, that is tough! I don't believe God would want someone to be beaten all the time... but I also think that divorce should be the VERY last option after all other efforts have been made (including much prayer, perhaps counsel, other actions, etc).

I think separation would be adviseable in dangerous, life-threatening situations, but divorce, again, should be the LAST option. God is more than able to deliver you from such situations or to even change the person.

I hate when people say (like someone did here) that few abusers change, etc. I suppose, but I know MANY stories of people who HAVE changed and I don't think you can write anyone off as unchangeable.

God didn't make marriage for our happiness. Marriage is hard and some harder than others. Some spouses get cancer or Alzheimers, which is basically a mental illness. Some spouses go through depressions or ohter things. Sometimes a child dies or the couple is barren. Etc. The purpose of marriage is not to make us happy or meet all our needs, and if we look at it that way, then we won't be willing to tough it out when it is hard.

In the Bible, God made covenants with people. NOTHING could break His covenants. They were promises and God NEVER went back on them... even when the people were horrible! He did sometimes have to separate from them because they were so sinful, but it was always with the intent that they would come back. A good Bible story is Hosea where God tells the prophet Hosea to marry Gomer, a prostitute! Gomer leaves him for a life of prostitution, but he still goes after her and she becomes his wife again. He never leaves her! It's actually a story that is symbolic of God's love and commitment to us.

But marriage, in the Bible, is also a covenant. God created it. He said, "let NO man tear asunder." He is the one who joins man and woman.

There is also a verse in Ecclesiastes that says that you are NOT to make a promise and then later call it a "mistake." It says that this angers God.

If you married someone you shouldn't have, then you pray and give that marriage to God and trust Him to bring good and to help you have a good marriage. You don't just call it a "mistake" and then divorce!! So many people do that. It's as if it justifies it.

Well, here are some verses. Hope that helps. Everything I said is either from the Bible or stuff from Tony Evans, a pastor at a church in Dallas.

Oh, another thing I thought of was a woman named Abigail in the Bible. Her husband, Nabal, was called a "fool." She stayed with him and simply did what was right, despite his behavior. Well, he had a heart attack and died! And then King David, who had observed Abigail's good behavior, made her his wife. So, God can take care of us. Not that he kills all our foolish spouses, but I think we often fail to trust Him and instead take things into our own hands thinking that we will be destroyed if we don't.

p.s. If you have already remarried, then it would be wrong to divorce the current spouse to go back to the first one, even if the first one shouldn't have been divorced. (It says this too in Deuteronomy) Some of the men would divorce their wives, marry another, with the thought that when they got tired of that one, they'd just go back to their first wife. They were treating marriage very wrong and this is what God didn't like-- their whole attitude towards marriage and their spouse.

In the gospels, the Pharisees said, basically in these words, "Man, if marriage is that much of a commitment, I might as well not get married!" They didn't want to be THAT committed! But Jesus was telling them, that YES, marriage is a MAJOR committment that you are not to take lightly.

<small>[ September 11, 2003, 12:29 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

VERSES RE: Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage:

Ecclesiates 5:4-6 "When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger "My vow was a MISTAKE." Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands?"

Malachi 2: 13-16 "Another thing you do: You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, 'Why?' It is because the Lord is acting as a WITNESS between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage COVENANT. Has not the Lord made them ONE? In flesh and spirit they are HIS. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and DO NOT break faith with the wife of your youth. 'I HATE divorce,' says the Lord God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the Lord. So gueard your spirit and do not break faith."

Romans 7:1-3 "... by law a married woman is BOUND to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man."

1 Corinthians 10 "To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must NOT separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be recociled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife."

Matthew 19: 8 "Jesus replied: 'Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

A link to an online booklet called "Divorce and Remarriage" by Tony Evans. It's very good. http://www.tonyevans.org/speakout/booklets/divorce.htm

Not everyone agrees though. Some believe that since a covenant is life and only broken by literal physical death, that God does see the spouses as married for life until true physical death. That is why remarriage is called "adultery." But then Esther was the king's "wife" in the Bible and he sent his other wife, Vashti, away. He was wrong in doing so, but God brought good from it all by using Esther.

I tend to agree with Tony Evans about spiritual death, although I also see that God's covenants weren't broken by spiritual death.

It is definitely not an easy issue and any remarriage should be bathed in MUCH prayer and godly counsel and study of the Word.