Hi to those who know me, and to those who don't too. Just thought I would provide an update....

My X married the OW on July 4th of this year, six weeks after numerous attempts at begging me to reconcile. This was after he knew I was seeing someone, and also after I subpoenaed him and his workplace for financial records. So I didn't really think he was genuine <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .

As the oldies here will know, he has been living in another country the entire time we have been separated and ultimately divorced, and now he has decided to settle back here in Australia with his new bride (or is it bridle - I can never remember the spelling, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). So right now he is back here and seeing the kids, but it has only been a couple of weeks - we will see what happens. He already tried to manipulate me intoi changing the orders.

Anyway, he and she took them all away last weekend to do the Disney Dad thing. They ALL went....my eldest seems to have come to terms with the fact that this is the way it is now, and I commend him for that, and the youngest is okay too...she is five and doesn't even recall Dad living with us. The middle child hates the world right now, but I can cope with that. I have been-there-done-that with the eldest.

Anyway, I recently took X to task about how it was only six weeks between his tearful phonecalls to me asking for reconciliation and him marrying OW....he replied "Well, I had to do SOMETHING!" Um yeah, right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .

So now we are having another lifestyle change, cos Daddy is in town and having his fortnightly weekend visits, and I am having to cope with letting my kids spend time with a homewrecker. But c'est la vie I suppose.

As for the Tall One....well we see each other, but as friends. It turns out he has a lot of baggage to yet get through from his own failed marriage, and he needs time to heal. I fully understand this, but it hurts just the same. He is a good man, and I do like him a lot. Well, maybe one day, since I know he thought the world of me.

I mananged to pick up full time work for a while, but that ends soon, to my regret. I really enjoyed teaching again, and the class I had, while difficult, were darlings all the same.

So that is the latest from Oz. I am doing okay, not wonderfully, but with some self-respect. I hope everyone else here finds the quiet that I have. Not peace yet, but it is coming.

Love and light,

Jacky

Glad to hear you're good. Sorry bout tall one. Time does heal.

And sorry bout Clickety Clack. Personally, I think she should know how your x attempted to continually reconcile. Even up until right before their wedding. Geez. It must be awful to know you got married by default. Like being first runner up in a beauty contest and getting handed the crown because the queen got sick from botulism or ate bad oysters...Forever in the shadow of you. Serves clickety right if you ask me...

The kids have her number. And remember, you don't have to enable just because they TEMPORARILY made it legal. Trust me, it won't last. If you could hear their arguements, it's probably something like this..She makes him angry and then he blames her for taking him away from his family and breaking it up.

I know this b/c I had a conversation for 2 hours with Family Values. Life ain't too good in foggyland ok?

But back to you. I have prayed for you and the kids. God will when it's right place the right man with you. Oh, and you know that your xH and Clickety are still in the time limit where they can have their sham of a marriage annulled right? Maybe you should remind him of that. I think it's six months or up to a year here in US...One of my friends got a d after being married 11 mos. Only got the d because there was furniture and property involved. If it's less time, and less assets, they can just "break up".

Keep healing. We love you. Know that you have friends here who are rooting for you and the kids. Oh and didn't Nicole K look awesome on the cover of Vogue this month? Betrayed spouses can be cool too. I saw the cover and thought of you as she's also from down under and went through same stuff we did.

You will get another job soon. Anybody who loves their job this much will be wanted alot! It's just a matter of prayer and time. Also get out there and make some connections so you can speed up the job hunt. Let them know you're available. Hugs.

Hi Jacky,

It's good to see your update.

I'm still struggling along.
OM seems to be out of the picture (tho still in the country and still in the university where W takes classes).
W and I still have a lot of conflicts.

-AD

hi there jackie

the X's boyfriend threatened me, break my jaw, hunt me down and squash me like a bug, in front of the kids,

I asked 14 yo son, if X and BF will get married, and he said vrey quickly, "no. . . they argue all the time." in effect, both are using each other until they can't stand each other, which will happen someday. . .

l laugh, chuckle, and just try to help my kids become as coping as possible. and I just today had to give X parenting lessons, this to a child development major who has been a professional teacher for 20 plus years. she can teach out of a book, but can't teach a damn thing about real life. . . even though she told me all the right answers along time ago, her actions and answers don't match up. . .

good for you to notice that the TALL ONE has issues, and needs to sort them out first. . . that is so encouraging that you will see what a good prospect is versus just another guy. . .

all the best as you life will continue to improve

wiftty

Jackie, Good to hear your doing okay. You sound confident and serene, even if all the circumstances of your life aren't exactly as you'd like them....yet! Sorry about the tall one, but, as wiftty said, good for realizing he needs to work out his issues before he can be available for you.

I'm going on 3 years of separation and I'm not even close to divorce. My SomedayTBX doesn't seem any too eager to settle. Guess he likes me supporting him and paying his rent. I did get him to sign a stipulation saying that all the money he receives after 1/03 is part of his settlement. That's a start...

Good luck

Thanks for the replies and support, friends. I feel I am doing okay, but I am amazed at how there are STILL issues to get through. Of course, I now realise that as long as the kids are minors, we will have issues (sigh).

X was supposed to see the kids tomorrow, but he wanted to change to today. I had already made plans based on what he had told me, so I said no. He wasn't happy, but he agreed that he just can't go changing plans and expect me to go along with it.

After I had said no, he told me the reason he had to change plans(OW, er...oops new wifey-related- they are setting her up in new accomodation) and so I was glad I stuck to my guns. He asked me why I could not just take the kids with me, and I said because my plans didn't allow for the kids to be there...hehe....and then I suggested he have the kids with them....which he declined <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . Anyway, I got the short end of the stick, cos now I HAVE the kids...not that my plans could not be changed, I just didn't want him to think I was a walk-over. See? Issues, and I know they are mine, as well as his.

He is off to Russia of all places, for a month next week, leaving clicketty clack here, far enough away from me to not worry, setting up shop. Wonder if she will still be there when he gets back? LOL!

Ick, I am getting so cynical!

Trying to spread Love and Light nevertheless,

Jacky

Hi, Jacky. I was talkint to someone about you just this morning. This is the weekend of one of the largest Australian festivals in the US and it is less than 5 miles from my house. Both children and I were volunteers this morning. It benefits the Nashville Kangaroos, a footy team. They have footy, rugby, and cricket along with all sorts of other things. We bought shortbread fingers, Tim Tams, missed the Montes. And Violet Crumbles.

Could you please re-send me the chocolate covered honeycomb recipe?

Glad to hear that you are doing well and that you were able to see the Tall One as needing to deal with issues. You sound like you are dealing well with your life.

Can you believe how far you've come?

Jacky -

I haven't posted in a lonnnnnng while, but it's good to hear that you are still hanging in there.

It takes a long time for everyone to recover from the effects of an affair. I don't know if the WS's ever fully realize the havoc that they have caused.

I pray that God sends you and your family many good things in the future. You deserve it!

Hoping that every day brings with it more healing for you and your kids.

-K

Jacky,

Good to hear you are doing well. It is sad to have to put the children through all this mess.

Life will certainly not pass you by. The OW is truly a cast off regardless of what she looks like. Time will not deal kindly to homewreckers.

take care and thanks for your help on GQII. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

Hey Jacky,

Thought I would check in tonight and caught your post. Sounds like you are in about the same place I am. Still working through issues--mostly concerning the kids though.

We have been in school for almost a quarter already...I have a challenging, but fun group of kids. Keeps me busy. My own kids soccer season is in full swing...in fact we have 11 games this weekend. Not much time to breathe.

My ex is still getting married to the bimbo on Oct 12th. Am still worried a little about him trying to take the kids to Florida for the "BIG EVENT". We will see how that turns out.

He hasn't paid child support in 3 months now. I am trying to get the house ready to put up on the market. Pretty sad.

I think you are right...until the children are grown...and maybe even after that because of the children...he will continue to be a part of our lives...Yuck!!!

Both are still in FOG land as far as realizing the damage they have done to this family..it truely is amazing.

You sound a lot better and more together...I am so glad for you. Take care of yourself and the kids. Pat

Thanks for more replies!

Cinderella, I have lost that recipe, but I got it from the net anyway. I think I looked for chocolate covered honeycomb, or even just honeycomb. Good luck, and if you can't find it let me know and I will try to find it for you.

Orchid, yes I know that Clicketty Clack is a poor substitute for a wife as you can get (Geez, she has hadc THREE tries at it already <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ) so I don't expect she will be around too long. It would be interesting to know just how long her other marriages lasted, but then, who cares....lol!

MNM thanks also for checking in. I have been wondering about you. Sorry that your X is going to go the same path as my X, but then they always seemed to move in eerily alike patterns, didn't they, yours and mine? Right down to the support money stopping, too before the wedding. I fixed that though...I told his family he wasn't paying up, and THEY fixed it for me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . They didn't want to see their grandkids go hungry, and also they were SO ashamed of him for not paying up. Well worth trying if you have the inlaws onside <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

As an aside, he called the kids the other day from Russia, and he sounded very blue, but of course wouldn't admit it. He was just 'tired' and wanted to get home. Maybe the greener grass has a few weeds in it after all.

I have a few days to myself coming up next week. The kids are on school vacation here, and they will spend a few days with their Dad's parents. I am looking forward to the quiet, after a week of them being home and roaring around the place like mini tornadoes! But I will miss them too.

That's the updated update, folks! Thanks again for reading!

Love and light,

Jacky