Talked to xmil yesterday and she mentioned how she was talking to X and he's getting married in a week and how excited because this time he wants to get married. Now this is the woman he left me for <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . I'm honestly not happy about this and in fact (God forgive me) I hope it doesn't last. So xmil goes on to tell him that he's only trying to think of the bad things in his life with me because he DID want to marry me our daughter was almost 2 when we married and he didn't have to and he knew that then but WANTED to.
She then went on to remind him how proud he was of me and how he bragged that I was a great wife and mother. That we had a very good relationship and if it hadn't been for him meeting OW he probably would've been with me still <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My x and I were very good friends before we dated, while married, when he left, even when the divorce was final. He moved back around here a year ago and now that OW is involved in our children's lives x and I don't get along and are not friends anymore.

I told xmil that X fails to remember the times we did get together sexually when he was with her. I kept all that secret funny how things turn around. and that was before I was with my hubby now. I always tried to be reasonable and worked with him. Did he forget all the talks we had over their 6 yr relationship? I know all her dirty little secrets that xmil doesn't know about? I wish him well he really must be in a very thick fog!!!! or that dumb

It really hurt that he would say such a thing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I've known this man since I was 11 yrs old (I'm 32)and I guess there is no such thing are being decent anymore....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> now that OW is involved in our children's lives x and I don't get along and are not friends anymore.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Here is the key. How sad for all of you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope it doesn't last. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It won't . Hopefully you will become friends again, I have first hand experience.

My children's father remarried last Saturday. My H and I were invited to their reception. We did attend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> We've been divorced 24 years.

His prior wife caused many, many problems for our kids and I during their 18 year relationship.

Hang in there. One thing though, it is nice you and your xmil can still communicate although his fog talk is very hurtful to you.

Dear Purpleroses,
{{Purpleroses}}
A little cyberhug for you from Ye Olde Farte.

You are not nuts, and you are not evil, and most of all you aren't living a lie. What you are feeling is shared by a whole bunch of us. Nobody likes being replaced as a lover. Don't forget that during that affair, you were the one being decieved a lot, so you really don't owe complete honesty to them.

It really isn't important that you be brutally honest with your xmil or your ex, it is only important that you be honest with yourself. And you do a pretty good jog of that. According to Dr. Harley, 85% of these type of marriages that began with affairs end in divorce. The odds are that it will happen sooner or later. And then you may feel some vindication, but it isn't worth wasting your time waiting for it to happen.

Let me bring the wrath of the group down on myself with this. What I found out was that just about everyone who was trying to maintain a relationship with both my ex and me was of necessity a little two faced. Actually a lot two faced. They all said one thing in my presence, quite another in my absence. They would talk nice to my face while stabbing me in the back with a rusty bayonette.

As to you xmil, well I'm not sure she was doing you any favor by telling you what she did. There can be no doubt that your ex decieved you, and that he is decieving the new squeeze too. He is quite willing to revise the history of your marriage to accodomate whatever it is he hopes to accomplish with her.

After a while one learns to hold some distance from the ex and ex inlaws. Always cordial yes, but one learns to avoid anything that can ony hurt one's own feelings. I've developed a rule: I don't ask questions that I really don't want to know the answer to.

Know in your own heart that you are a good wife and a good mother. Guard that jealously, no matter what he says behind your back. And go on with your own life, your ex is the history he chose to become.

And stay close to those who know what a great wife and mother you are. Don't ever miss a chance to tell them how you love them, and start every day with a great big bear hug!!!

Bumper and Purpleroses
Here's a question for you two. First the basics though. My divorce became final in June. We were married 10 years and have a 7 yo daughter. Reasons for divorce were numerous (too long to count right now). My ex MIL never wanted us to marry in the first place and we did not get along at all. Although there was some forced politeness on both sides she and I were bitter enemies for 10 years. Initially after the divorce she told me that she was very happy we divorced then within a few weeks she started saying exactly the opposite and became very friendly to me. I am utterly surprised at her turn around and very curious as to why. I haven't spoken to my ex MIL in over a month. The only reason we spoke before was because my daughter was spending some time with them in summer. So, figure this one out if you can. Any theories? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ruby1:
Initially after the divorce she told me that she was very happy we divorced then within a few weeks she started saying exactly the opposite and became very friendly to me. ............... The only reason we spoke before was because my daughter was spending some time with them in summer. So, figure this one out if you can. Any theories? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> [/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Ruby,

I hope you realize that I'm a cynical old curmudgeon and take this response in that light.

The answer lies in the the question you posed. Not that people don't change, sometimes they do. It is entirely possible that your ex MIL woke up one morning and reached down between her legs and pulled her head out of her butt. And maybe that cleared things up for her, but I doubt it.

Here's a possibility:

I'm assuming that you have primary custody of your daughter. That is about as close as you will ever get to owning another person. You have nearly complete authority and control over the child; you control who sees her, and who doesn't. Therein may lie the answer.

If your exmil wants to keep up her relationship with her grandaughter, she has a real need to get along with you! You are the gatekeeper in your child's life, and if exmil wants to keep up relationship with the child, she has to feed the lion at the gate, or in this case the lioness at the gate.

I hate quoting Hillary about It Takes a Village, but she has a point. Your child wants a relationship with both parents and all grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. It's their job to spoil your kids a little. It might be a good idea to just let whatever is happening happen without trying to read too much into it.

OK, that is a possible scenario, not necessarily the right scenario, but a possibility.

Now, I'm going back to my park bench to whisper sweet nothings into the ear of the next little old gal who sits next to me. Hope she doesn't beat me to death with her umbrella!

Care for a walnetto anyone?

Ruby1,

It's really hard to say what is going through her mind and quite frankly I wouldn't try to figure it out. I've always known my xmil to be a great person but yet if you are on her nerves everyone in the family will know about it!

I was very close with my xmil and I love her dearly but keep my distance. It's hard because I knew my xh at 11 yrs old and we started dating at 16 so she's been a big part of my life. We've had many good times together. I don't tell anything I wouldn't want the world to know.

She and I did get into an arguement a few months ago and I almost lost my temper because what she said was WAY out of line, instead I let it go and considered the source.

If I were you I would be friendly and that's about it.