Tonight, for the first time, I am out of control!!! Please understand, I NEVER lose my temper, I hardly ever drink (ok ONe glass of wine before bed,) but tonight I am non-functional. I am upset, i am drinking, I am at my wits end, I am completely and absolutely out of control!<P>I cam e home today and found my daughter, myu beautiful, wonderful, honOR STUDENT 15 year old daughter in a terrible situation,. I threw the boys out (yes, you heard right), but maybe n0t as bad as you think, and calmly tried to talk w/ her. - we've always been so close. She said she was not tired of being the "good girl" she just wanted to be outrageous for once in her life. Besides, she wasn't worth much - two fathers had figured she wasn't worth keeping!!!! <P>I called my MIL and she sent a message to H. He called her first and then me. Blamed it on everything in the world except this stupid situation!!!! He said he'd come over in the morning. I love busted big-time - for the first time. To;d him that if he didn't want ANOTHER unwed CHILD DEPENDING on an old man to rescue her he'd better do better than tomorrow!!! Oh, my stars, I can't believe what's happening to mea and my baby. I've lost my dad, my mom, my H and now my wonderfuil daughter is losing herself./ Why doesn't he understand how much a teenage girl needs the love of her dad? I can take his not wanting to be w/ me during his bad brain days, but why her too???<P>Oh, please help me to cope. I'm a very strong person, but I've had my limit. I don't have any more to give. But I have to for her. I can't do this anymore.<P>Lori

Lori,<BR>I am not ignoring you. I need to put Emma to bed and then I will e-mail you.<BR>I know that you are strong and you have been through a tremendous ordeal.<BR>I know that it is hard right now. I will continue to pray that God gives you strength. He will not feel you, Lori. God does love you. <BR>That which does not kill us makes us stronger.<BR>Love you, <BR>Cheryl

I am so sorry. I wish I could do more.<BR>My thoughts are with you.

You have every right to be upset.<BR>We can handle it when the hurt is ours but when it comes to our children it's a whole different story.<BR>Let your daughter know that your H loves her. That it isn't her fault. Kids tend to blame themselves. Part of being a teenager? I don't know but it is very common.<BR>They don't like to see their mother hurt either. <BR>When I was going through the worst of my H's affair I let the kids know that the best thing they could do was to show their dad that they were there for him That they were the best thing in his life. It was much easier for my 16 year old. My 18 year old is still having problems.<BR>There is only so much that you can do. Just try to let her know how much she is loved.<BR>This is one of the most difficult parts. Watching how it affects the kids. <BR>You are in my prayers!

Lostva,<P>So sorry. The ones who leave never see to really think about the ways in which they affect everyone they leave behind. Not that that is even enough reason to do it.<P>Have a {{{{{HUG}}}}}}, and remind your daughter that what her father(s) have done is not her fault, never will be, and really has nothing to do with what he thinks of her.<P>As I put my three year old daughter to bed. (alone) (again).<P>EC

I am so sorry. I wish I could think of something to say that would help. It makes me so mad that they can't see what they are doing to the children, the children who count on them to be there for them. Maybe it is helpful to view it the way my 16 year old does - she said her dad probably does think he loves the children, but he just doesn't know how to love.

Thanks, everyone. I can't get past this one. He didn't even call, didn't come. He hasn't called her when he left. MIL called me after she talked w/ him. He told her he had tried all night - I have call waiting and who the hell would I be talking to anyway. K's restricted from phones, atleast for tonight. I drank too much I guess and called him at Sweeties. I can't believe the things I said. All the wonderful plan Aing I've been doing. I didn't yell - not the yelling type, I guess. But I told him how I felt. How the man I knew and respected was gone. The father she counted on had blown her off when she needed him the most to be with his child. He told me he didn't intend to try again. No matter what kind of person I was now. I told him that was ok, no matter how he felt about me, he was a father, he had asked this child to be his daughter and had walked out of her life w/out a single call to see how she was doing. I told him I was supporting him and that I hoped that one day he would find the man he used to be so proud of. My voice was level, calm and monotone. He got angry and said he was tired of hearing me rambling on the phone, so he would hang up so that I could call back and trash him to Sweetie. I told him I had had that # since long before he left. I had never called it. Never bothered him. Never contacted her - he had asked me not to. The only reason I contacted him tonight through his mother was because our daughter needed him. I asked him why he was so angry w/ me. He said he had no reason. I told him I loved him and said goodbye.<P>Oh, my God, I have had it. I don't hurt anyone, don't gossip, try hard to be good. What is happening here? I thought it was hard before. This is more than I have the strength for.<P>Lori

Lori,<BR> I don't think what you did tonight could be considered love busting. You just told him how it was. I did the same thing this week, remember, and tonight H told me that he was glad i did it. It changed his perspective on her and what he has done to our family. He got that card and letter I told you I was going to mail and he told me it made him cry. So I don't think that what you did was wrong. Maybe it will get him to thinking some. <P>You are a wonderful person who doesn't deserve this. Your beautiful daughter doesn't deserve this. <P>Love,<P>Jill

Dear Lori,<P>I feel so bad for you. Golly, what can I do to help? I can only offer my support.<P>You have been doing so good, don't beat yourself up for this, okay? It's okay - just get yourself through the night. Cry.<P>It is so disappointing, isn't it. Lower your expectations of him, and try to handle this without him. It is the only way to insulate yourself from all this pain. <P>{{{{{hugs}}}}}

Lori -- I know that anything I say will be inadequate to explain to you how sorry I am for you and for your D. All that I can offer you is my prayers and my support. I hope it is enough.<P>God Bless

Lori, no words of wisdom here. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

Ok, I've stayed "together" throughout the evening, but now the tear won't stop. This is the bottom. Funny - I thought I had hit it before. What's everyone say about time making it better.<P>OH, I'm so sorry. He was so cold. She is so confused and I am so scared. <P>She doesn't feel she's worth anything - like her mom now, I guess. <P>Thank you so much for your words and support - I just can't answer you now - I can't hold it together long enough.<P>

lostva,<BR>His coldness, his anger, and even his complaining about your "rambling" - my H has done the same thing at the times when he feels most guilty. I suspect you H may be feeling so guilty that he can't cope, not that that is a valid excuse for his horrible neglect of your daughter when she needs him most.<P>I wish I could think of something that would help convince your daughter that she is extremely worthwhile, as are you. It is obvious who is the worthless one.<P>

Thank you. It's been along night. I posted an update on another thread. I'm just waiting to see if he'll come like he said he would. She's still sleeping. Had a bad night too. The numbness wore off (she was like a zombie at first) and then she starting feeling the regret. We'll talk again today. I am a good mother and we've always talked about everything. We'll see. I'm so tired.<P>Lori

I am so sorry for the situation you are in, but remember God creates miracles everyday. You and your daughter need to sit and pray for strength and for your husband to come home. Never give up hope, God promises a wonderful future, the devil leaves us feeling hopeless. My suggestion is, don't sit at home today waiting for him to come or call. Take your daughter and lavish her with attention today, shop, picnic, play mini-golf. And most important reminisce about the wonderful times you and your daughter alone have shared. She can be your greatest strength, and you hers. But try not sit and feel miserable together. You can be a great witness of God's strength to your daughter now. I know this is hard but your actions tell your daughter just how hopeless you feel, and therefore leaves her feeling no hope. Ask God to restore your family and your love for one another and He will, in his time and in his way. We can not control these situations, we need to let God take control. God bless your family and my prayers go out to you <BR>

Lori,<BR> I'm so sorry for this new turmoil in your life. Your daughter must be in tremendous pain!<BR> I'm not able to think of any good advice for you, as I'm still emotionally wrung out from talkign with my H last night.<BR> I'll be praying for you and your daughter.

This make me soooo mad at your h, it really does. Young girls have a hard enough time as it is, but feelings of abandonment, and yes worthlessness make things so much harder for them. All you can do is love her, tell her that it's not her fault, it's not your fault either, and speak to her of the future, of a time that is coming when she will understand that her worth has nothing to do with the actions of others. She was born for a reason, we all were, but sometimes we have to wade through a lot of pain, and sorrow to reach our goal whatever it is. She can use this pain to help others one day, if she wants to do something outrageous, why don't both of you go and get some of those wild colored spray's you put in your hair, (that washes out!!) and do each others hair up in some wild colors and go out to lunch, or something, what's the point in being out rageous if no one knows ?<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lori and Daughter}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR><P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>