We've been married for 3.5 years. I'm five months pregnant and we have a 2 year old girl. He decided a couple of weeks ago that it's over. Doesn't want to try. I've begged and pleaded with him. I don't know what else to do. He has been so mean and hurtful with the things he says. He has even said that he doesn't want to have anything to do with the kids. This is so not like him...he loves his daughter so much, but why would he say that? I don't know who he is anymore. I'm so hurt..angry..sad..this is such a shock to me. what am I going to tell our babies? I don't know how i'm going to make it. why does he just flip a switch and have no feelings for his family? how could he?

We need more info to help you with advice. I understand you are a military family? Have you tried counseling on and off post? What is the history of your families? Please give us more info because we care.

how,

I am sorry that your H is doing this right now to you!!!!

Welcome to MB!!! You have found a good place with good people to help you.

We do need more info to best help you!!! But you need to go thru this site and read everything, not just the forums, go read the concepts, planA, planB, POJA everything, your marriage is worth the reading time. Do it while the 2 yr old sleeping.

If you feel that you or the children are in danger you need to call and get help, they will put your H up in the dorms for a few days so that you don't have to see him or deal face to face with him.

what branch of the service is your H in?

Please come back and give us more info.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Also try posting on Emotional Needs. Lots of people there are in military families and can offer great experience.

first, I'd like to say thanks for caring!
This time has been so difficult and shocking to me. we've just been through a lot in the past year. He was deployed for 6 months, begining last november-may...we got pregnant...we moved from coast to coast...we lived in a hotel for a month with our two dogs and daughter...stress! He began to work and go to the gym, his stress reliever while he was mine.
we have had our problems and had gone to counseling and it always helped. we would say that we knew we loved one another but didn't communicate in ways that the other could understand. we knew we had work but I didn't think that he would just give up. I'm not sure if he is really ready for family life...he seemed like he was but now he acts like he wants to be single and not have the responsibilities of a family.....wants to go to the bar...which, he has always made poor decisions. I"m 27 and he is 23. He has never acted this way and it hurts so badly. He has always been so romantic and sweet. I didn't think he was capable of this.
I know that he has had problems in his early childhood and he comes from a broken home. when we would talk about that he always made it seem like he would do everything in his power to prevent anything like that from happening. He grew up in a military family moving constantly. he would always 'shut off' his feelings when he would have to move. it almost seems like he is shutting us off..but it's not fair. I don't know what to do. I know that I still love him and would take a bullet for him..I can't just shut him off..

HI,

My husband gave up on our marriage when I was 7 months pregnant. I also had a son who was just under 2 at the time.

Let me say this, and i know first hand, it is truly a sick man who leaves his pregnant wife.

Welcome, and I'm sorry.

how,

I would suggest reading "His needs, her needs" By Dr harley. The base library will probably have it. You talk about having communication problems previously. What where you taught then that helped? Can you go back to it?

This comes from experience ok, so take it for what it's worth. Your H having been deployed for 6 months did not have the day to day responsibilities of family life. He was only responsible for himself at the time. That's pretty easy to get use to. He got use to going to the gym, the club where ever it is that he wanted to go with out having to ok it with someone. He just went!!!!

You on the other hand had sole responsiblility for your daughter, the house, the finances, everything was yours. I am sure that seemed unfair. He came home and you wanted help with everything. He wasn't sure what was hitting him and he probably resented coming home in someways with out even realising it. You need help with transitioning back to being a couple, the Family support Centter or Family Advocacy on base would have some materials and resources available in this area.

Moving across the country is a stresser like you said, not having family close can be too. Being new somewhere, not quite knowing your job, the area so many things all at one time!!! That's hard, he cannot be your sole support. Find some outlets for you and your daughter, Story time at the library, play groups alot of chapels have these. You can volunteer on base, family support center, family services, red cross, youth center lots of places, when you volunteer you get free child care. You would be getting out meeting new people, networking.

I was married to AF for 21 years, my xH got emotionally attached to an old GF from Hs who had started communicating with via e mail while he was in Korea for a year. So I have been there!!!

Take care, keep posting and keep reading and keep asking questions.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

hello,
while he was deployed this last time, he read the five love languages and read a lot to better our relationship. He would email me the sweetest letters and stories. SO romantic!! I had gone to counseling and read his needs, her needs. they helped....well, the counseling didn't help much...he was kinda worthless. but the book did. The thing is that he doesn't want to try. He doesn't want to go to counseling or even be civil with me. he's been so mean and hurtful..almost making it easier for me being such a jerk. I've been trying to break down the wall that he's created....I have to keep on trying but I feel like once I leave here and go with my family then it's all over.

joey

Hi I am sorry for your hubby treating you this way
where was his deployment? and is he going back?

if he was where there was action, he probably is
having readjusment problems..

what type of bars is he going to? Girly bars?
or just drinking where the guys all go?

Can you talk to a chaplin on the base and have him come talk to your hubby?

He seems to be running from responsibility.
hang in there and seek out the help you can, I understand the chaplins have some special things set up programs for familys in crisis and marriages in trouble..so see what it is they are doing..he will advise you what to do..sometimes nothing helps..just pray for a bit..

It is a shame he isn't having anything to do with the daughter...don't pressure him right now..but get help from the chaplin..

I am wondering if your husband saw things or maybe is having a hard time from where he was at..will pray for him..and you take care and get involved with moms on the base and get some support for you..take care..EarthAngel <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />