Hello,<P>I want to start by saying I love my wife dearly. I am so frustrated because I seem to have lost desire for her sexually since witnessing the birth of our son. I had the same problem with my first wife and thought it was something else. I love my current wife so much and thought this would not happen again but it has. Has anyone ever heard of this? Is there something wrong with me? I really want help.

Hi David:<P>No, I don't think anything is wrong with you. I am not a therapist, but it seems you may have a hardtime seeing your wife as a lover, a "sexual being", because her role has now changed. She is now a mother. Is she breastfeeding also? Sometimes men have a hard time with this as well. This reaction can be quite normal. However, what you do with these feelings is really important. Try to get to the source of it FAST. <P>Although sexual fulfillment may not be #1 on your wife's emotional needs list, if you are not making love to her, it can have devasting results on both of you. Myabe all you need to do is to pick her up some "sexy jammies" in order to spice things up a little. <P><BR>Just remember, she is a mother now, but she is still your wife and can be just as appealing as before. You just have get to the bottom of any fears, jealousies, or anything that might be there in your mind that prevents you from seeing her as you did before. Also get plenty of rest...a new baby can really put a damper on your daily schedule so<BR>be understanding and let her know how much you love her.<P>Take care!

It sounds like the birth process was difficult for you and possibly there were things you did not understand <P>Get hold of the doctor who was her specialist here and speak to him and tell him about your feelings<P>He is the most qualified person here to help you and will refer you to someone who can help you through your feelings of rejection towards your wife<P>It is like you are rejecting her for producing your child<P>Perhaps you have some hate towards yourself that you need to deal with or towards her and a specialist can help you through that before you produce another ended relationship due to unattended feelings left to take their own toll<P>Also involve a christian minister here They are highly qualified to help you in this way and will definitely <BR>be able to help you out of your depression rut you have sunk into <P>You are very wise by posting a request for help here and sincerely hope you will take the necessary action and prevent a complicated future ahead if left untreated<P>Carol<BR>

Here is a site that had a little info on this:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.lamaze.com/parent/relationships/articles/0,9474,167905_254600-2,00.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.lamaze.com/parent/relationships/articles/0,9474,167905_254600-2,00.html</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.lamaze.com/parent/relationships/articles/0,9474,167905_182672-1,00.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.lamaze.com/parent/relationships/articles/0,9474,167905_182672-1,00.html</A> <P>For now, I would suggest that you stop pressuring yourself. Try some romance and cuddling. Maybe it will come in time.

David, I don't have children, but I found your question very interesting. <P>I have heard several times of men who have witnessed childbirth, only to find they are no longer turned on by their wives. I think it have something to do with seeing the vagina stretched beyond belief and all the blood and stuff. (I'm totally sorry if I have offended anyone by saying that.)<P>If I ever have kids I'm not going to let my husband watch. He's already told me he wouldn't want to anyway.<P>Do me a favor and repost your question on Emotional Needs, okay? I've noticed that the other sections of the forum get very little traffic compared to Emotional Needs. That's probably why you have so few responses. <P>Just select the text you have written, and do the cut and paste thing on Emotional Needs. There are a lot more men on there who may be able to give you advice. I am very curious to see what they say. <P>Take care.<p>[This message has been edited by worriedfemale (edited September 06, 2001).]