I went back to plan B 2 weeks ago because he did not want to commit to my request that if things are to start recovery for both of us, I had insisted on VM password, e-mail accounts, accountability of time, etc. I just found out today that he is back with OW.

I did not feel comfortable and had always had a hunch that he is still in contact with her but since I am in Plan B, no snooping, but faith would have it that I found out by accident. I was at my favorite bookstore and there they were at the bar across the street. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I did finish up the divorce papers and all that is needed is his signature. I was told by the clerk that we are pretty much done as soon as the papers are delivered back to the courts for stamp and signature.

I thought the pain would not be as hard, but it hurts through the gut. He still says he loves me but there is just so much pain that I just told him how much I hate him and lost all the respect I had for him.

It hurts so bad that I feel like my heart will break anytime now. How much pain can a person take. This is not the outcome I had hoped for but I am just too broken and pretty much decided I have had it. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

When does the pain go away. I am convince that I have no choice but to move on and just want to know how to deal with the pain.

{{{{{supermom}}}}}

I know the pain is great, but it does go away. Some day you will look back, as I have, and see how it's better to let him go. You will look back and be ablr to respect yourself. I have been out of my marriage for a year and I wish I had let it go sooner. Give yourself time to recover your hurt... I believe you need to feel it and work through it in a healthy way... then refocus yourself on other things that matter to you. When all is said and done, you will be regenerated and feel good about yourself. Don't feel bad for feeling this pain... cry and let it all out.

Hugs to you!

Thank for the hug. I need it. I thought that the pain of finding out would be the worst of all but boy was I wrong.

I have been cleaning up little stuff here and there and trying to get rid of reminders althought this is difficult because there are children involve.

I do feel a little better today. Unfortunately, I will see him at one of the kids game this afternoon and I am not looking forward to being smack in the head again...

Thanks again

supermom,

I am so sorry for your pain. My sister is going through a similar situation and she had said, "It hurts so much that my heart literally hurts too." I think my brother-in-law is one cold jerk! She is beautiful inside and out. She doesn't need him. He's the one losing not her.

I do also think he would have gone back Plan B or no Plan B, since he wasn't willing to make changes.

I think he will some day regret this choice.

Take one day at a time. It will get better, the pain will go away some day whether he comes to his senses or not.

I hear so many people say later down the road how much their ex did them a favor and they weren't worth all the pain.

I know none of what I say is probably helping at all right now...so ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

ANNA

supermom - I've been in Plan B 3 weeks and WH and OW are still together. But most days are good for me. I'm starting to grieve the marriage and loss of what could have been. But still I feel better off because what could have been, WASN'T. I was not willing to stand by and lose my love for him. Now at least I can move on with my life, and feel at peace. You will start feeling better in time but it wouldn't be normal to feel happy under the circumstances. Try to take care of yourself right now and emotionally detach from him.

Not all come back after plan B. I got decent results and he came home only three days and then broke down crying saying he was meant for OW1 and then now OW2.

Until they face the facts that the problems lie within themselves and are wanting to fix it, the OW are just bandaids. That's it. But if they aren't willing to fix what's wrong then there's nothing you can do.

((((supermom)))))

I have been here and done this too. I am sorry and yea, it still hurts for me also sometimes. But I know that this clown running around and "acting" like a good dad and all the while sleeping and shacking up with a preggo golddigger is not at all the man I once married. Let him dance off into the fog. When the fog clears one day...it will not be pretty. Don't spend time worrying what or where you'll be in life, when his fog breaks. Learn to live again for you and the kids.

Plan B can last a long time. I am still in one. And remember...they will find ways to break the "B". Like yesterday, after he got my no contact email, he forces himself onto me standing about 10 feet away asking to take a picture of my son and I. I said quietly that "leave me alone and this is not right." He took the picture anyway. Then he looked at me with this look on his face like utter shame. Like in that one instant he knew that he'd done the most horrible things he could have ever done and that I am moving on. I could feel it.

Yea, it's their loss. We have our dignity. We have the respect of our families and friends and just stand tall and proud. You stood for your family. This is the beginning of the poop though. You've gotta get tough as the legalities come next. H and OW may polarize together to form a united front against you and be prepared for that kind of betrayal...

He and OW are in a bubble world. Just like my xH and OW. They think that nobody will get it when later on....say in six months...somebody asks them "hey how long you been married?" They say a few months..People look down and see a baby and say "what a little surprise". Then they see my child who's five and clearly doesn't look like either Jethro or FV and ask, "how long you been divorced?" and they say about eight months. It won't take rocket science for others to do the math. They will wear their scarlet letter for a long while and most will for sure smile and act ok with it, but the whispers and shame will follow them and eventually be their undoing.

Meanwhile, have the peace knowing you did all you can do and know that in cases of unrepented adultery and mental cruelty, God frees you from the bondage of this sin. You are the only one truly free after the divorce to find a new and lasting and meaningful existence. And hopefully in the future, a meaningful and blessed relationship that is healthy and something to be proud of not hidden in the dark...You are to be blessed!

God is with you and we love you. Stand tall. Stand proud. And remember, when it's too tough, post here and we'll support you. You can make it.

Thank you all for responding. I went to daughter's game today and sat as far away as I can. Other daughter sat by me with an envelope.

The letter says I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you.....yadiyah...It is all my fault. I will alway love you forever.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I could ram my car through him and her. How could he do this to me. I have a sick feeling to my stomach right now. Maybe I should look for him and throw up on him. I can't believe it. I am just so angry.....

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> God, please give me strenght. I just don't know what to do.

Thanks for letting me vent...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by supermom:
<strong>I just don't know what to do.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">{{{{{supermom}}}}}

Don't do anything. Focus on yourself and your children. Let OW have him... is he really a prize catch if he cheats on his wife and abandones his kids? Seriously, why do you want this man? Let her have him... it won't be long before the fantasy wears off and she becomes demanding of him. In the mean time... live your life to the fullest and don't give him (or her) a second thought.