My husband is an alcoholic. I have wrote before but it has been a long time. We are still togher and I thought things were getting better, but then he started up again. I am too scared to leave him. I have an eight year old daughter with him and I work full time and go to school full time. I just do not have time to deal with this. He cam home last night all drunk driving my car. When ever he gets drunk I become the world biggest b----! He calls me names and tells me how wrong I am. The next day I will talk to him about it and he says nothing. I am lost with this I do not know what way to go. I can not even go to my family anymore because I have gone to them so many times that now I feel stupid or I feel that no one will believe in me. I don't even believe in myself anymore. I need advice. Thanks

I'm sorry you have to go through that, I can't even imagine how hard it is right now for you. I've never gone through that before, only that my Dad was one and it was pretty hard for me when I was growing up. <BR>My best advice to you is that you talk to him the next day after he sobers up rather than when he comes home at night drunk. Your wasting your time and energy when he is drunk, he is not in his right mind that is why he yells at you and doesn't understand.<P>When you talk to him the next day, ask him if he would be willing to go to counseling together for it and tell him how you feel and be honest that you just can't put up with it anymore. Make sure you tell him that you love him and want to help him. Be supportive if he wants to go to counseling but he would like if you came with him. A lot of men have a hard time talking to a counselor (some stranger at their point of view) sometimes if they are not alone in going to get some help, they might agree to go. If that doesn't work tell ask him "How do you think our daughter feels when she sees you like that or hears you come in all drunk" What kind of an example is that to your daughter. If he refused to seek counseling for alcoholism, then perhaps ask him to go to marriage counseling. Something has to be done.<P>About believing in yourself comment... from your posting, I can tell you are strong and confident woman who can put your mind to anything you want to accomplish. Just having to work full time and be a student full time, that takes a lot.<P>Are you a christian? If so, or if not even.. another thing to do is pray to God and seek him and ask him to help you through this difficult time.<P>If things persist and he refuses to go to any kind of counseling, the next time he gets drunk and comes home lock him out of the house and tell him to go and stay with a friends or his family.<P>Or better yet... I know this sounds harsh but may be you might have to leave and stay with a friend or your mom for awhile until he straightens out his act, hopefully eventually he will come around and realize what he might loose if he doesn't get some help for his problem.<P>Some men, don't realize what they have until it is gone. Sometimes men don't wake up until that happens.<P>Hang in there, I hope some of my advice helped you out. Be strong you have a little girl who looks up to you.<BR>I will pray for you and your husband and hope that Gods shows you the right path on how to come up a solution to help your marriage grow and become stronger.<P>Please keep me posted on what happens with everything... God Bless you.

Hi Poker,<P>I saw your post and felt I had to reply. I too was married to an alcoholic for 15 years, he was both physically and verbally abusive to me. I have two wonderful sons with this man, but I must say that staying in the alcoholic marriage did my boys more harm than good. This so called "marriage" left me suffering from an anxiety disorder called agoraphobia with panic attacks. I'm still fighting the disorder but winning the battle. It ate away at my self-esteem until I was ready to commit suicide...the only thought that kept me from following through with it was that my sons would be left with their father and I wouldn't be there to protect them. <P>I know what your life is like to live and it will NOT get any better until you take action. Your first step is to get into Alanon where you'll have a network of support to deal with this. Your daughter will benefit from this as well if she's old enough to understand, and I'm sure she does to some extent. Kids know more than you think. Second, if he won't get help then you have to make some hard choices and be prepared to follow through with them. If you tell him, get help or you're leaving, you have to be prepared to leave if he doesn't, and it's quite likely he won't want help or even see that he has a problem. Do not give any ultimatums unless you're prepared to follow thru with them, otherwise he won't believe you when you really mean it. <P>If he's abusive to you or your daughter, get out, under no circumstances take abuse. Not only can it endanger your life and possibly your daughter's life, it can eat away your self-esteem to where you no longer have the courage to leave (as it was in my case). <P>Alcoholics will make promises with intentions to follow through with them, but until he gets help, he cannot keep those promises not to drink. Even then, it's quite hard. <P>Alcoholism is a disease that can be learned to control, but you cannot control it, he has to decide that for himself. Until you're able to say to him, get help or it's over, then he will continue to drink. You're enabling him by inaction. I don't pretend to know all about this subject, that's why I strongly suggest you get to Alanon. It will give you a better understanding of the dynamics of this disease.<P>Be prepared, he may never get help, and you may have to either learn to live with it, or leave. I left my ex-husband 4 years ago, after many attempts to quit drinking even with hospitalization at one time, and he drinks now more than ever. He's diabetic as a result of his drinking, takes two shots of insulin a day, but he keeps right on drinking. He's drinking himself into an early grave. Alcoholism is throughout his family, his father, his father's father, his mother's father, uncles, aunts, brothers, it goes on. I worry about my own sons since it's hereditary.<P>Also, you should learn anything you can so that if you do leave that you don't end up in another relationship involving an alcohol/drug addict.<P>HUGS to you,<BR>Marisa