Here are some thoughts i've had on the subject of revenge, or payback, that we as betrayed spouses all have felt strongly about, at one point or another.
I used to fantasise about, and replay the whole scene in my mind...what I would do the next time the OM pitched to pick up my then wife--
I thought of suing him as co-respondent in a divorce suit, calling his boss,(they were co-workers) his live-in GF, even thought of having him "pressurised" by a few concerned "friends" of mine. LOL!

Well, I didn't do any of it, and today I'm relieved I didn't. I didn't go to jail, commit suicide, or lose my dignity.
Truth is, the WS does pay for the crime, in ways we don't even know about. My ex was extremely hurt when my cousin's FIL made a pass at her when he knew she was having an affair with an older man. Apparently he was quite straightforward and gross about it (he is a bit of a dog, anyhow). Basically, by his actions, he implied she was a slut. Imagine what that does to a woman, and what she then may think that the whole family and close friends think of her.
The cousin's FIL is now on his death-bed, dying of cancer, is how the whole story came out. She told me she didn't much care what happened to him, then relayed the story. What was she thinking, anyway? She went out in public with this guy while still married to me, and she was spotted. Duh???
Anyhow, as WIHTT put it in another thread, and I think FC said something similar: ...we want them to realise and experience some of the pain we did, but when they hurt, it still touches us.
I'll add to that by saying....All I wish for is for her to truly come out of the FOG, so she can heal. If she could one day sit back and tell me quite matter-of-factly that at the time she really didn't know what she was doing, or that in hindsight she can see how badly she behaved, and what poor choices she made at the time, with little or no thought to how it hurt the people closest to her, that would mean something, and be great for her too.

Any other thoughts on the subject?
muzohead

Muz,
I've been lurking for the past month or so and your post caught my eye. I know exactly what you are talking about. I too thought about suing their place of employement as that's where the affair started and prospered. She told me they used to sit around and drink coffee and talk.

How do you do that in a hospital? Where's the supervision telling you to get back to your dept? WHen I did complian to H.R. about their phone calls at night,My x would call him at work when I was sleeping) she said they had a policy about personal calls but had no proof.

I came close to be arrested and banned from the hospital after I flipped out there night.

Flash forward, we were in court yesterday to finalize a reduction in her child support payments to me. I was granted an increase earlier this year based on the fact she was making a lot more money than when it was figured in 99.

When the increase came through, she called and said she couldn't afford it. She said she shouldn't have to pay CS as she had the kids 50% of the time. SO she filed papers fighting the increase. In talking to my lawyer he said since I made more money and if she did have the kids 50% of the time, which she did, that I could end up paying her child support.

My L suggested I make her an offer. I offered to accept half and she agreed. So instead of me having to pay her and struggle to keep the kids home, I am still receiving some child support.

My x had a similar experince with some guy. HE was separated from his wife and he wanted some place to live so he would have a place for his little kid. They both wanted my okay(this was after x's marriage to om ended and this guy was one of their work friends). I told the guy I didn't think it was a good situtation for my kids. My x said she was going to do what ever was in her best interest.

She ended up not having the guy move in. A mutual friend of ours told me the guy basically made his feelings known to her and what he had planned for them. This guy was still married and I guess it freaked her out.

She has appologized to me, but it was in more of She now feels my pain having gone through what she did(om was cheating on her with his x who he left for my w). I really didn't accept the appology, I don't feel it was genuine.

So now x is traveling 20 miles to work and back, is working 12 hr shifts so now she will miss the kids after school stuff. She has very few if any friends. She says she owes her x $17000( can't figure out how she ran that up in less then 2 yrs).

As for the fog, my x is slowly coming out of it. She was 180 degrees from the person I knew and married. She has returned about 90 degrees from there now. She still says some crazy things and sometimes things to forget we were married. Her work is still the number one thing, she will not take the kids if work calls her in or palms them off on her neighbors if they are there.

I wouldn't want her life. My life has turned around greatly. I still hate being divorced, hate when my kids are away. My finances are okay,not sure how I will pay for college and am not counting on x to help.

It's been a year since D-Day and 8 months since I filed. I'd still like to see the scum bag in a dark alley!

Why isn't infidelity a crime? How come he could pursue my wife, ignore my diplomatic requests to stay away, screw with her mind, help break up my marriage, cost me lots of money (counseling/divorce), cause me to sell my house and move....and if I were to punch him, I could go to jail?

My whole life changed because of that jerk and now I have to write my stbxw a big fat check (that she does not deserve!) in order to get divorced.

Where's the justice?

RWD

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She has appologized to me, but it was in more of She now feels my pain having gone through what she did(om was cheating on her with his x who he left for my w). I really didn't accept the appology, I don't feel it was genuine.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Isn't it amazing how they don't see how they've hurt us? They have to experience the same thing 1st. All my ex said was she was sorry she made some poor choices during that time-- more to do with her poor choice of OM and that whole deal than anything else.

IYWIY:
Yeah, thought about it.
You could always try to institute a charge of crimen injuria, if you think you can get away with it(??)
Problem is, half the time we are too considerate of what the result of any action on our parts may be on our broken relationship we're trying to patch, or what it may do to our kids, etc.,
I was mad as hell at the ex, but couldn't stand the thought of her suffering any unnecessary embarrassment as a result of her actions.
Go figure

muzohead