Yes, my x is here and phylosophying. Which is okay. Let him, cause he needs the help. I went to First STep, and Women Crisis counseling. What I did was stated to be best for me. Now I wait and see. Also, I told X that I will fill the paperwork that he has had since August to fill out, and he just didn't do it. I feel he wasn't trueful to me in saying that he just wasn't going to do it, he just stated that he was working on it. I feel he was and has not been radically honest with me. I asked for the paperwork Friday, and he said he had to find it. NOw I wait, and still without Alimony and childsupport since the Divorce final on June 6. But if nothing happens soon, I did fill paperwork through First Step. I have to take care of myself, since he doesn't give one iota about me. Have seen the facts, it hurts, but that is what he wants to do. So I am finding and searching for ways to take care of myself. And hopefully, one day he will get the Lord in his heart, and quit saying to me that I wanted the divorce, and that he just followed through with the divorce that I signed for. We all know that I filed, because I was tired of being used, and tired of being abused. The last straw was the physical abuse that tore my rotator cuff, which he won't take any accountability for. But one day, hopefully, he will take accountabilitly, and show remorse. I am praying for my x, as well as my church is praying, and hoping that he will receive Christ in his heart.

Part of the wayward spouse is do what feels good. The betrayed spouse waits, bends over backwards and wait. There comes a time when you no longer are a doormat, and need to find yourself on a christian path leading to God. That is where I am working in my life to get on that path, and stay on that path. Maybe I will dangle a foot over the edge, but someone will help me get that foot back on and walk the straight path to God.

I am beginning to be happy some. Not a whole lot yet, cause I have so much to worry about. He makes big dollars, and I will get my pentence every month. But I will make it. I have done well to feed a family of 6 on meger amounts of cash. I am thrifty, and can find ways of making some extra cash. Too bad the bad weather has come to Michigan. My dumpster diving is over now, can't sell the stuff, cause too darn cold for garage sales. And I have no where to store the stuff now. But I have an opportunity for a small job 1 day a week. Will find out this coming week. I can't take any fulltime job yet, cause I may need some more surgery. Am on medical for quite a while. Am going to have an emg done, and seeing a specialist next month.

Waiting, has really become part of my life. Patience I guess is what God has instilled in me. I wait, sometimes patiently, sometimes, with great amount of fear. Especially when I can't get the bills paid. I fretted about groceries for the last 3 weeks. Didn't ask X, cause he has already stated to me he won't give me anything. Even though I feed 4 kids. And he only feeds himself. But you know what, I did it, I told the kids, don't ask for anything great. I will buy what I can, and if I can't buy it, then you ask your father. Which they had to. My son is asking for bread. I said, we will eat the bread given to us for free. If you don't like this bread, then ask you dad for money to buy bread. I said, we can't be choosey when there is not enough money to go around to feed 5 people on the meager amount of money I just got from family assistance. They cut it down to less than 1/2 of September. I called and asked for clarification. But the same situation is they really don't care. I fought, lost, and will make ends meet. Hey, I need to lost about 15 more pounds. Pounds are coming off now, cause I don't eat much, don't feel like eating. Back into the discovery of his affair, just don't feel like eating.

Waiting, waiting, what a wonderful word of the Lord. Give it all to him, let him do the work, and just keep praying. That is what I am doing, praying and asking for guidance and prayers. I went to cell group Wednesday. We had a big group. And was nice to be with christians, with people who do not lie, with people who show compassion, and people who genuinely care. Sad when you don't want to leave the comfort. But I did, and came home to my house. Yes, my house that is mine and Gods.

Well, keep updated to see what happens! Trying to help some of the new people, and set boundaries. That is the biggest mistake of many of us. I didn't set boundaries, and became a doormat. What a mistake.

Faith,
I don't understand this.he did this to you..
your rotator cuff and arm..why do you not go and press charges on this against him?? then I think there is a crime victim fund you will receive compensation from to help meet your needs..

why is it you let him dally on the papers?
take them to the court..the way they are and have him arrested for non compliance..he is in contempt if he has not filled them out..

what are you afraid..of..not getting something..
your not getting anything anyway..except grief..

sweetie you need to trust God..but you also NEED to make him your X be accountable..do it through the courts..you have no money so go to the womens crisis center..tell them you want to press charges against hubby for the abuse you suffered when he attacked you or what ever he did to hurt you..didn't he also hurt your jaw???
you got a case right there..do it..he could kill you..why you even want to do anything to help him is beyond me..

let him take responsibility for once for himself..stop enabling him..stop being his mommy and bailing him out and doing it ALL for him..
this is sad..you complain about the rotator cuff etc..but you let him go scott free..to continue to hurt you..your setting a not so great example for your children..

get the ones over 18 out of the house they should be grown enough to make it on their own
they can join the service..like others do and even get an education and then get a homeloan
when they get out..and a chance to also go to school..

just a suggestion...going in the service does not mean they need to go overseas..they can choose an office job..or something that will keep them out of fighting..or even be medics or nurses..take a class for it in service..they will have a roof over their heads and make a man out of them..
if boys...and then the girls well they can learn something in school too in basic training..

the way things are going there are rumours about
the bases that they might have to reinstitute the draft..we will have everyone over seas and no one left here to protect us..better to sign up themself and pick what they want to do then get drafted..

anyway..I wish I could take your hurt away..
honestly I feel so much over it all now..

I can see so much now I fought about that was mine any way...same as you..
but you NEED to take care of your health..

you also can put in again for disability if you had any changes..since last time..are they training you? for work..

I get to get an education..lol cannot figure out what I would want to take at my age..I don't want to do transcribing because I have the puter for
a book I am writting..actually am working on 3 different ones.

Talk to someone annon to see what you qualify for with your state..also find out what can be done with your husband..and have the state audit his business..lol..I am sure that will knock him for a loop...

was the business in his name only?
he didn't pay you? did he?
get him for back wages..you got ways to get money from him..

did you have medical while you were at home working for him?

did you have homeowners insurance..there is a clause in there for spousal abuse..look and see if you were covered for medical..when he hurt you..sue through your homeowners insurance..
you can also sue yourself..lol hahah..
in desperate times there are desperate measures but if you paid insurance then your covered...
at least with State farm..I had it..funny
state farm..cancelled my insurance..claiming I needed to take my trees out..and lower my landscapeing below the roof...my shrubs..they never bothered it before till they knew steve and I were having problems and I called the police on him after he was coming up to GET ME...they see the logs..police logs..I guess..

well got to go..I got to eat..i forget to do that..once in awhile..
take care and talk to someone at the womens care shelter..ok...ask for advice..look online at the
shelters in your area..and see what they do offer.they do offer help for displaced homemakers..have you done that yet? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

why don't you take up cake decorating..you would do good at it..grin..you know your not stupid..if you were stupid your hubby would not be getting you to fill out all these documents..look who is stupid..who is the one who cannot figure it all out..hrmmmm..
oh yeah you can also get jobs doing that filling out papers for people at offices..resumes etc..
hire yourself out..as a sitter..when an old person is in bed..at night there is not much to do except sit in a chair and read...they get good money for that..you are not ignorant...and you can learn..your young yet..you can even teach can't you? make a list at what you like to do? what you are good at..how about flowers at a flower shop? they are gonna need people at walmart..or flower places..for the upcoming season on a part time basis would help for experience..
Hugs..EarthAngel....

How about ironing? for people.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
have you sold things online on e-bay...it is a good place to get money...there are places online.I have a few good sources..I found to buy things and resell them for triple..on e-bay..
I would share it but..then I would be not able to sell mine..lol..look around on line..for places who sell..things for holidays..this is the season
to do it..

one year I made tons of santa faces from clorox bottles..and yarn and felt those sold for $25.00 a piece..I made a killing on them...and then small angels..also...with crochet thread and ribbon for wings..

find something easy to make.and sell it..I got a couple ideas..I need to get someone to do some woodcarving for me..but am gonna do it myself..after I sell these things will let ya know how I did.can't say what it is..but it is something people all say they need...lol..put your thinking cap on..ok... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Keep on Keeping on..

Sad eyes - I will reread what you wrote. The insurance, I didn't realize that I could sue him. Will check into that.

Anyways, I have a great idea for selling a christmas project. It is really cute, and I already went out and got some of the items to make them. I will tell you privately, and see what you think if you would be willing to listen. I do paint, and this was a quick item to do that we did in the art class Wednesday. I have already thought ways of making each of them different and more peronalized. Could you give me a hint on the ebay for selling these things. I have great ideas, just so many things going through my head. And school, I only have 5 more weeks, then off till Jan. 12. My private email is Tazziblack@hotmail.com.

Sad Eyes, I read your statement about your husbands birthday, and the bulbs burning out and popping. Eeeeery.

I am heading to the bath, soaking does a lot of good for this body. I may have to have another surgery on my shoulder. Will find out next month. Problems have occurred, and if I don'thave the surgery, pain will increase. He did tear my rotator cuff, and it was done through him pulling and tugging me out to the door, while calling me names and spitting in my face. How did you get so smart in these areas? Just wanting to know, I am learning knew things all the time, but no one (as far as I know and remember) told me about the insurance. As far as the medical insurance, he cancelled the insurance during the divorce. And he had to reinstate insurance, but he got us $5000 deductible insurance. I am seeing someone about that. Cause at this rate, I can't afford to get anything done with that much of a deductible. He is clever, he is out to make my life difficult, he is out looking only for himself. Yes, he doesn't give a hoot about me or the kids. But that is what a selfish wayward spouse does. Only themselves.

I still am praying for him, and the church is praying for him. Cause I care, and I would like him to be happy. He can go back to his other woman, if he already hasn't, I suspect he already is. If she makes him happy good. But it won't last, cause what she did to me over the phone, she is a controller and a user. She doesn't look at anyone else but herself. If that is what he wants, good for him.

I am moving on, little by little. Will come back later, or tomorrow. I have to get something done right now. It is demanding my time, of essence right now. See you later. Bye.

Will check into the insurance on Monday. I know the person he had for insurance. See, he did so many deceitful things, cancelling health insurance, his life insurance, closing accounts, taking the money, etc. etc. etc.

I went to him today, since I have to do the horses for my daughter, which is in his backyard. He of course would not offer to do the horses, takes too much of his time away from the computer here. But after I feed the horses, I have to give time for the one horse to eat all her grain, I walked to the house, and the door was open. I walked in and went to his hovel, bedroom, and asked for the papers. Of course he was typing to people here, and he made the same excuse, he can't find the paperwork. All this time, he said, he was working on the paperwork, and it was a big fat lie. Since August, he has been working on the paperwork. I guess his mother asked him this morning for the paperwork too. And he told her the same he can't find it. WEll, I am done waiting. I will call Monday, and action will take place. I am sick and tired of his continuous lies, and deceit. I am so sick of hearing how he wants radical honesty here, how he wants to say things that may hurt others. Well, he has hurt me to the point of I could just scream. I told him where to go today. I am sick of his dam* lieing. He lies, and continues to lie, just to shut people up. LIke the threads he does here. I had to vent, cause I am sick of this. He doesn't give one crap about me at all. All those threads of how he will be there financially, emotionally, physically. Bull crap. That is what the lawyer told me on that one trip. They all say, that. But there are only a slight few that follow through. He told me not to hold my breath, and I gave my x the benefit of the doubt. WEll, X has lost all my thoughtfulness. When does the wayward spouse quit their lieing, and unthoughtfulness. When do they start to think about someone else besides themselves. And when do they quit lieing. I needed to vent, cause this just made me so upset......!!!!!! All these lies, I am sick of his lies. And to top it off, he blames everyone for putting him in a position to have to give a deadline. More of his control and more of his actions of the book 'Why Does He Do That', by Lundy Bancroft.

I am having a hard time living, and he darn knows well that I am. He makes good money each day. Running his own business, and pocketing the money. He doesn't pay his mother anything to answer the phones. He doesn't pay the kids to answer the phones, just like I did for 20 some years I worked for free. He pockets everything, and doesn't even feel any remorse about paying $0 to those who make the business work. I wish he would quit lieing. His big fat lies, like the paperwork. That has really upset me. Lies, lies lies, when will he finally quit, when he gives up Satan and starts turning to the Lord. That is all I know. I still pray for him. But my patience is running out. Lord better help me, before I do something I regret. For x doesn't deserve the kindness I offer. He has lied again to me, and this hurts big time. I am sick of his deceitful lies.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">get the ones over 18 out of the house they should be grown enough to make it on their own
they can join the service..like others do and even get an education and then get a homeloan
when they get out..and a chance to also go to school..</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think that is a horrible idea, especially now when so many young men and women are under attack in the Middle East. There is certainly no guarantee that they won't be sent overseas. Faith4Me has enough to worry about, without having to worry about her kids' lives being in constant danger.

More of his manipulation. I fed the horses for my daughter. The horses are in his backyard. I asked him to let them out after they finished their grain. Cause I went to church. Anyways, I got back from church and called, and of course the horses weren't let out. More of the stuff he has done all his life. That is why I called. He forgets, or just doesn't think. But informed me that he will do it. So I hope he did.

I made a pot of stew, and then took a quick nap, coming down with the flu. Xhusband calls, and I told my son to take Grandmas riding lawnmower over to grandmas house where Xhusband lives. Son said okay. Xhusband calls and I guess he got into a discussion with the son about what he is going to do today. And son tells him that he is going to bring the lawnmower over. X doesn't even talk with me about any plans, just told son to leave the riding lawnmower at my house, and find somewhere to store it. Son tells me what dad said. And so I call X back and said, I don't want your mothers lawnmower at my house, it is her lawn mower. He goes into the same crap about I use it, and why can't I cooperate and store the lawnmower at my house. I for one don't have a garage, I put up a temporary tent garage, which I have my car in. He has in her yard, a semi-trailer, which has a big overhang on it, he could put it under that and a camper that has a big overhang on it. The lawnmower was sitting under the camper (with a tarp on it) that has an overhang when we picked it up, but he said, he needs that available for whenever he wants to back the truck up to it. I told him I am tired of his controlling, manipulating behavior. He goes into how I won't cooperate, what difference does it make if the lawnmower is at my house. I said it is your mothers, and yes I borrowed it with her consent. Also, he has a big barn in his backyard. He has 2 objects that have big overhangs that he could put the lawnmower under it, and put a tarp on it. He also, has a shed in the back yard. And he has a big white trailer, that has a slant landing that he could drive the freaking lawnmower up it. But the crux of it is, cause he doesn't want it in any of these areas at his mothers, for whatever reason, he is pushing his controlling behavior on me. I told him, he doesn't live here, this is not his house. I explained to him in a nice voice, that I do not have to accept his controlling and manipulating behavior anymore. And he was manipulating me with that he help a little on putting the tent garage up. He said, doesn't he get respect for doing that. What he did, was help some with the tent, but that doesn't mean that it gives him authority to tell me what I can and cannot do. I do want to put this place up for sale early spring. And I don't want things here that are unnecessary. Also, he will have to get the rest of the crap out of the yard, which is total junk. And according to the divorce papers, he had 60 days to get that stuff out.

It is once again, a control issue. I don't want her lawnmower here, it could get stolen, and my insurance would have to pay for the loss. I want her to know that her things are in her yard. Cause she paid for the lawnmower, and what would they do if I didn't live here. He would have to find a place to put it in her yard anyway.

But I bet, he will act more and more cold. Act hostile to me, not be respectful, because he didn't get what he wanted. And the biggest disrespect, is he didn't even have the nerve to talk to me about it anyway. He asked me what was in the one area that we had a riding lawnmower before, and I said stuff. All I did, was put a truck top on top of some saw horses, and drapped a tarp on the sides. To make a sort of cover for the old lawnmower. And that he really doesn't need to know, cause it is my house. He didn't like that, but that is the way things are.

Controllers, do not like being told what and how to do things. And he was very inconsiderate and unthoughtful in not talking to me in the first place about the lawn mower. I guess I am suppose to flip over and put my feet in the air and be a recessive person. But that is the way he has done things most of our marriage. I would just have to say okay, and if I didn't like it, just walk away, or say something to the effect that I don't appreciate how you demean me. So just an update, and yes he will continue to control and manipulate. But I am setting my boundaries. And I have talked to his mother extensively about setting boundaries. She agrees and I said I am sorry, but he has to realize that I am not responsible for him or his stuff. He is the one who chose to divorce, he had the affiar, and lied and betrayed. So he has gotten what he wanted, a divorce and he will have to find someone else to manipulate and control.

WEll, Xhusband did bring the paperwork over, to go to the courts. It was very simple, fill on the top plantiff info, and defendent info. Sign at the bottom of the 2 very simple pages. And put no for any changes in the pay. All this time, he kept telling me he couldn't figure it out. All this time he kept lieing to me. He filled out the paperwork sitting at the counter here. I am not feeling good, down with the flu, and getting worse. I basically can't believe the unthoughtfulness of him. I can't believe that the man I married would care so little about me. But reality has hit again. I realize that I am just a dog to him. Throw me a bone once in a while, and kick me once in a while. Yep, that is what my x-hsuband has come to. I am so sick of these ridiculous lies, ridiculous outlashing words, that he I feel is severely taken over by Satan or severely handicapped, mentally. The paperwork, he said he couldn't figure out to me all this time. Then of course, he couldn't find the paperwork, and today he happen to find it. It was so simple, so doggone simple. Even me the dog, could of put my paws on the correct spot and filled out my print.

How does one deal with a xhusband who acts and lies like this? How does he look in the mirror and is able to look at himself, and say, he is doing every to help his xwife. Just wish someone would tap this man on the shoulder, and put his head up to the sky, and get down on his knees and ask God for forgiveness. This man, is really taken over by Satanic powers.

He had the guts to ask me today if I wanted to run the papers down town to Detroit. I said, no, he can. And he doesn't even consider the risk that I would be put at to run the papers down. More of the unthoughtfulness. But he doesn't think of me as anything. Just a dog. Yep, kick me and yell at me. WEll, guys, your phylosopher has turned out to be a real nice guy. All for the caring, and taking care that he replied in his early posts of his xwife. The truth has come out, and it hurts like heck. He knows it does, and just keeps on doing it. Off to bed, sick, and taking flu medicine to get rid of the yuck. My two girls just got home of LA. Told them I was sick, and I will stay in my room tonight and cough. The one went to her apartment, which I told her was good. This house has flu bunnies floating around. Goodnight.