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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 187
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fed up Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 187
I am getting so tired of the way I get treated sometimes from my Husband...especially right in front of my kids. <BR>Things have improved 10 fold with us, but every now and then he slips back into his verbal abuse! This morning was one of them. He is always very cranky in the morning, and usually he is gone before we get up and if he is I make a point of not talking to him for at least 1/2 an hour, well we slept in and I was in a major rush. He was making breakfast (which I wasn't aware of) and my sweet 5 year old asked to have cereal which I said "sure honey", when we walked into the kitchen I said "oh do you want french toast sweetie?" well he blew at me saying "why are you asking her? thats what she's going to have! Can't you see I'm cooking that! DOn't ask her if she wants something else! blah blah blah, so I told him "you know what I'm not talking to you, I don't have time to argue or listen to yelling and its not something to get upset about." So he gets on me for something else, starts yelling and I refuse to answer him and he yells at me some more and calls me a pig headed BI*** a couple of times then starts slamming stuff down, I couldn't believe it! all the time my 5 year old is just watching all of this, and my 11 year old is listening in the other room. It kills me to have my kids listen to this! This is a typical kind of situation that arises with him and its not a way to talk to ANYONE! Of course if I say anything about this...which I am going to after work, he'll turn it around to be my fault and start yelling at me again!<BR>How do i make him see? How do I get the respect I deserve!??? Should I say anything to him tonight? Or should I just drop it?<BR>I am just steaming right now and it makes me want to cry to think my girls are listening to this! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 104
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Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 104
You are right to be concerned.<P>I know first hand how verbal abuse in a family can really hurt from the parents down to the children. And they WILL carry those into their relationships.<P>The best advice is to stay calm and let your husband know how much you are concerned over his hurt. Behind anger there is ALWAYS hurt. Recognize the hurt more often and try to get him to talk about what is hurtful. And it may not be you...it may be something he remembers from the past, it may be something that happened earlier, etc.<P>Most people who verbally abuse people are not in control of their other emotions and it bubbles into anger and shouting over little things like toast.<P>Make it clear that you want a more peaceful relationship and to raise your children in a loving home they would want to mimick. Showing your children how to be is difficult, but better for them in the long-run. They can learn from what not to do, but they are more likely to repeat those patterns.<P>Check out <A HREF="http://www.drirene.com" TARGET=_blank>www.drirene.com</A> <BR>I found this site very helpful in dealing with another's verbal abuse.<P>Take this one day at a time and try not to mimick the behavior your husband exhibits. This is how you contribute to the problem you are trying to get rid of.<P>Hope this helps.<BR>Y


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