I know I have much to be thankful for at this time of year, but dealing with X and coordinating the holidays are just dragging me down. Rather than fighting with X so that we can visit my family, I'm stuck here 10 hours from any family. X feels no need to respond to any communication at all, even regarding schedules. He'd rather not know.

And I had to sit and listen to him sound like a concerned parent for a first meeting with DD's counselor - while 100% of his comments were disputed by the custody evaluator. And X refuses to take the kids to counseling, or attend communications counseling on "his" nights with the kids. I'm doing what I can for the kids, but his lack of attention to their needs is just draining.

He didn't go to any parent/teacher conferences. To hear him state the teacher's concerns about DD were disgusting, especially because Teacher told me "X called to say he's concerned about ___". He can even project his issues onto people besides me. Amazing.

Consider this a pity party. I have many wonderful people in my life to help me through this, but sometimes, it just sucks.

Tonight, I'm going out for a drink and a smoke. And I don't smoke, I just need it.

Newly, to validate I know what you mean,...... hope things get better....

I'm sorry things are hard for you right now. I hope something fabulous happens to cheer you up! I also hate it when my ex decides to "play father." He thinks he should be up for father of the year for taking the kids 4 days a month, sometimes coming to their soccer games, and coming to teacher conferences. He is so proud of himself for doing these things, and honestly feels that makes up for his leaving his three young children! I don't want to complain too much though, because I'm glad I'm not having to fight for custody. I think him thinking he is the best father ever is good for everyone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It is pretty deluded thinking, though, and it sounds like your ex is deluded as well. The holidays are always a bit rough on me, and this will be the third Christmas since he left. I hope things look up for you soon. Thinking of you!

GSN, I know it's been rough with your girls lately, just know that you were always a part of their lives. Your place is not temporary.
I wish my children had the father I believe you to be.
Now that X is living back in the house (with a gay roommate), he may learn that keeping the kids is more work than he thought. Mommy can't do everything for him anymore.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">GSN, I know it's been rough with your girls lately, just know that you were always a part of their lives. were always? should be am always!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Your place is not temporary. So being a father is a place? I prefer to think of it or used to think of it as a God given responsibility..... A reward.... a blessing...... a duty....
I wish my children had the father I believe you to be. Well I am for hire!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I have 80% free fathering time!!!! Jokes aside, I aspire to be a good father..... mainly cause my dad was not..... I just want to be stable or be able to be stable for my girls as they grow..... On the other side of it, your kids have a wonderful mother..... and they can be proud of that...

Now that X is living back in the house (with a gay roommate) as everyone I think knows, my dad has had the same gay roommate for 30 yrs???? what the true relationship is I can only assume... but it should not take away from the fact that he is a father and should be a father. , he may learn that keeping the kids is more work than he thought. It is work....but it is also fun, and it is also a rewarding experience, one that I never tired of when we were together nor do I now when I have them( geez have them.... what a sad way to put it.... when they are with me as a family.....yeh better!!!) Mommy can't do everything for him anymore. [B] LOL time will tell.... but maybe his new roommate is now his mommy!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

May I suggest a bottle of OPI's nail polish - available at nail and hair salon's. Recommended color - a lovely red - called 'I'm Not Really A Waitress'. I once worked in a church office and there were weeks when all three women had the same color nails. It's awesome!!!!

<small>[ November 30, 2003, 12:51 PM: Message edited by: cinderella ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by newly:
<strong>Winter Funk - Need ideas to get out!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How about another meet-up? That was so fun! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sorry things are stressful for you newly. Hopefully everything will ease up soon. I have also been stressed out with the kids acting out with aggression and power up type of stuff. Amazingly everything is going very smoothly with my stbxh. Huh, wonder what I should call him after the divorce is final...given our relationship. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> lol. Maybe I should start a "name the ex" contest. lol (just kidding).

Newly - you can't change the X, but you can be the wonderful person you are. The winter blues are setting in. How about a nice fire in the fireplace (do you have one), a good book, and a nice glass of wine and wonderful classical music. Ohhh.... that sounds so good! If you don't have, any of that, construction paper, logs from the woods, and a portable heater behind the logs with a fan, that blows the construction paper to look like flames, how about that? I know you have the good book, wine, music. The rest we have to be creative and create.

Just thank the Lord you are being a honest person, and caring and loving those kids with all your heart. That is all you can do, no one, NO ONE can change the wayward x spouse, but the Lord.

Great idea about the makeshift fire.
The girls are already stressed that since we have no fireplace, how will Santa come in.
I told them that on the Movie - The Santa Clause, Santa makes chimneys appear where there are none.

I think the funk was caused my many things, including the fact that this is the first Tksgvg in many years where I haven't been with my whole family - or any part of them, and it hit me harder than I thought. And the same will happen for Christmas too.

I still haven't unpacked my clothes, much less my Christmas decorations, so I need to move on that this week, to get me in the mood.

Thanks for the thoughts.

By the way, my girls want to have a Christmas craft party with friends, any ideas would be welcome.

ornaments ---

get lots of beads - various colors, ribbon, some craft wire and pipe cleaners --- make a few ahead of time - with beads and pipe cleaners to form stars, angels, wreathes, crosses, bells, etc. Add some jingle bells and other fun items and turn 'em loose.

They could also make 'party bags' if you provide some velvet or silk fabric and kneedles (depending on the age of the kids). Sequins, beads, and ribbon make nice additions.

Placemat hand bags are always fun too -- buy some cheap placemats in Christmas colors --- stitch them up one third - fold over the other third and add a snap for the flap - add a ribbon for a long handle to the side (shoulder bag) or leave it off for a hand bag. Stitch on decorations following the pattern on the fabric - or add your own to a plain color. White lacy ones work great for young girls as Christmas bags with their fancy frilly dresses.

They make interesting Bible covers too.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Jan