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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2
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Fred J Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2003
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I don't know what to do? I had told my wife about a month and a half ago about a problem that I had always had with internet pronography. However, when I told her, I only told half of the truth in that I said it was an idolated incedent, and have since not looked at it. It was horble, but it seemed as though we could work through the problem. About a week later, she found some pronography on the computer, and then I had to tell her the entire truth. She did not take it well, during the past month and a half we have researched pornography addictions, and I have since not looked at it. However, she feels so hurt and betrayed because I had lied to her for so long about never haveing seen pornography, not alone been addicted to it. She now sees no future for us. We went to our pastor and got some counsiling. I have read books on the topic, but she still feels as though there is no hope. SHe does not trust me; she does not want me; she no longer loves me. I think that it is over. I am desporate at how I am to regain her trust. We both agreed before we were married that looking at pornography was cheating. I tried to stop, but in secret the adiction has its strength. She says that she is going to kick me out of the house after Christmas. What do I do????????

Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 134
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Joined: Oct 2003
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Fred
I know exactly how you feel. I too struggled in silence against an internet porn addiction. I struggled to do it on my own, to rein it in and not let it get out of control. I prayed and prayed to be good but nothing worked. God has since broken my heart and remade me anew.

My wife also discovered porn on the computer several times and was crushed by it. It was a killing blow to her. We stayed married and I struggled on alone. I wanted to hide my secret. The best thing I have done recently was to confess this problem to my friends. They were amazingly accepting and wanted to help me. If you have Christian friends you can turn to, then swallow your pride and submit to God's will.

I have been freed from my slavery to porn and you can too. I had to do several things though. I confessed to my friends and God and He told me to do things like disconnect the computer from the phone jack at home. It was an important act of obedience for me, and indicates that I don't want that temptation. He has been also moving into other areas of my life. God is very powerful.

About your wife...several things. Porn is a terrible sin but it is not an affair. Your hunger for porn indicates something about the relationship between the two of you. Would you like to have sex more, different, more spontaneous, etc. Is the communication between the two of you as good as it can be. It will take a long time for her to come back around. Don't try to rationalize it to her while she is hurt. Read about Plan A/Plan B and if you have time try some Plan A. I believe you can recover from this to have a great M, but it will take time.

Best of luck.

Joined: May 2002
Posts: 48
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Actually, viewing porn for the purpose of self satisfaction IS an addiction AND an affair.. in a variety of ways, too numerous to count here.

Fact of the matter is, any breach of trust is in fact an affair - with oneself, if anything.

Once you can identify the selfishness of the act, you can then communicate your recognition of that selfishness to your wife and outline the steps you intend to take to rectify.

On the other hand, your wife will now begin "looking" elsewhere, too. It's a very human reaction to your situation. She will reason that if you aren't impressed by her anatomy, someone else WILL be. And you will probably have to suffer through an affair of HERS now until she feels yuo are AWAKE enough to respect her.

So goes life.

Hang in there, pal.

Joined: Dec 2003
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Fred J Offline OP
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Ridingtherollercoaster, looking at any other women is an affair. According to the Bible, Jesus said in Matthew that if a man even looks at another woeman lustfully, he has already committed adultry in his heart. I did this; therefore I committed adultry and that is Biblical grounds for divorce. Now what I want to know is how can I help her to not realize that what I did was not a reflection upon her, but a reflection upon my own sinful nature. She blames herself. We always atried to meet each others needs, and she loved me with all of her heart. Yes pornography is very difficult to get out of. However, I was able to immidatly after this all happened. The Devil or some spirit did not make me do what I did. I made myself do what I did. It was a choice. However, at the time, it seemed to me that it was not a choice, but in hindesight (which is always 20/20) the reality is that I had to make a choice between my wife and porn; every time I made the choice to disrespect my wife. At the time it did not seem that I was behaving in such a way, but I was. I read Every Man's Battle and it was helpful. What I did was selfess and cruel. Moreover, I believe that the road to recovery is reconizing the fact that it was a choice I made, and nothing else. My wife has the right to divorce me. I do not want that, in fact I would do anything to have her love me and look at me in the same way with admiration and respect with which she once did. The fact of the matter is when I viewed pornography, whether I always had or not, I ended our marriage. Now I want her back. I know this is selfish, but I think that in time we could have a great marriage. This may not be possible, but I have to try. What I first of all want to do is try and make her think this is not a reflectio upon her, but a reflectio nof my failure or fear of complete addiction. She always met my needs, yet I did this. I wish I could have been less of a coward and told her the truth before we were married so that she would not feel so much pain. She always says she wishes that she would die. She is not suicidal, but hust beyond belief. She is a strong person, but exteamly hurt. What a wretch I am............. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Joined: Dec 2003
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There is nothing worng with looking at photo's of other people whom are in or on magazines, the internet, "PORN" is such a harsh word, to me porn is very poor taste in the possing of the human body. If you wish to look at naked people that is your choice. If you wish to act upon it then there is a problem. Having an affair with the internet is not physicial. Typing back and forth about personal information about your love life or marrage, that also is very different. You want to look at porn, that is up to you. If you want a full and fantasic lovelife, do it with your spouce. That's real. Looking for spice outside your marrage is not cool. This is what has happened more then once. My wife had many internet realations, "porn", no, people yes. Now its just move on and go for the best. This is the only real choice we have today. The Internet will get you one way or the other. That's why it is the "WEB", we are flys just waiting for the spider to catch us.

Good luck with the industry. I really have more things to do then to download porn at such a high speed.

Just had to vent on this subject.


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