Everything is in process (divorce) from her choice (WS) that she started all of this last year. I don’t want a divorce but don’t have a choice and I keep telling myself that I can move on without her in my life. I tell myself I don’t need her in my life after all that pain she has caused. The sad part is deep down I am missing her and I haven’t gotten over her in the way one should for her basically being gone for almost two years. I really thought I would have been further along than where I am at, but it is amazing when you love someone how hard it is to let go. I keep telling myself I will get better and one-day things will be all fine. When is that day ever going to get here? I just don’t know how to handle the missing part and wanting to pick up the phone but I know if I do she will act like I am just a telemarketer calling her. So hard to let go......

Hi cg!

I've been wondering how you were doing. I think you should think of yourself as "normal". Not only that, but you're a very caring, loving guy. You will make some gal a very happy W someday!

I don't remember how the last convo with your STBXW went down. Was it cordial? Would it be possible 2 contact her occasionally via mail or some means that isn't threatening 2 her? Just as friends, mind you.

I sometimes wonder if WSs just go through with their DV because they feel like they've done 2 much irrevocable damage 2 their lives, and DVing is just a way 2 "forget" that. I think that must be the case in many sitches I've read about on here.

I guess the important thing, regardless of what you decide 2 do, is how are you doing? How is your own personal spiri2al growth coming? Because, if you are in a healthy emotional state about who YOU are, it won't matter whether your DV goes through. You will have earned a DV, and you will have complete ownership of your own well-being from here on out.

...and what I said above about making some gal really happy one of these days! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

best,
-ol' 2long

C-G,

You are experiencing normal feelings as many of us do. I have been divorced for over a year and separated for over 3 now. And yes, I still wonder. However it will get better, that I can promise you.... after we mourn and allow ourselves to mourn it will get better. Finding away within yourself to accept the divorce will help you to move on. This is what I found out as I too did not want the divorce, did not want to lose my children......and I fought it mentally, as if that was going to change her mind. It was not until I realized it was her choice and it was truly going to happen that I could move on.

There will be days that you will think of what could have been..... even on in the years.....but it is her loss not yours..... remember that....

Anyhow....it is funny what 2Long says as I believe it to be a truism in some cases as it was with my ex........ divorce allows them to validate the mistakes and to move on and has little to do with the people around them or who they step on in their path......

but (funny I thought I would never say this) we can move on, and we can and have learned, and we will be alright..... I know I am.... it was tough but I made it.... If I can do it....anyone can....

Hi Confused Guy: (that makes two of us)

I don`t expect you will ever stop missing her; not deep down anyway. This is what divorce does. It rips out our insides and forever requires us to live with "what if". I guess I am one of the lucky ones. I still have my children with me. My children want to be with me. My x-wife was the one to move out and "fall in Love" with someone else. I keep believing that she will get over her lover and come back to our family, but I also have to deal with the possbility that she won`t ever come back. As for now though, I am standing.

I think you have to decide whether you stand for her or not. If you stand, there are many actions you can take to help. Some would say that a relationship with God is the best place to start. If you decide to move on though, there are also actions you can take. Personally, I think you need to ask yourself whether you really Love her. If so, then stand. If not, then move on. Don`t be caught in the middle like I was for a while. It is the worst place to be.

Standing in Finland