I had 2 run ins with my ex this week.

On Sunday I came out of bathroon and he was in hallway looking for my son. I told him politely that he doesnt live here, this is not his house and he has to knock and can not just walk in.

He laughed and replied very sarcastically that I "must be writing a book on child visitation etiquette". He is paying for the house and he doesnt have to knock to see his kids. I stated again that it is my house (we are officially divorced..the house is mine) and he does have to knock.

Yesterday, when I got home from work he was here again visiting 16YO. I told him that I asked him before to not be here when I got home from work. Again, very sarcastic comments from him. I told him I was abused by him for 26 years, I want peace in my life and I dont want to have to see him. He can visit, but please be gone when I get home from work.

He has all weekend to plan something if he wants to spend some time with them if they want to (they dont) and he is too busy anyway with his new little family anyway.

Well, confrontation ended with him calling me the Queen and telling me he doesnt live in the queen's domain so he doesnt have to follow my rules. He also said that

get this!!!!!!

I am abusing HIM......Financially!!!!!!!! He feels the queen should get off her a&& and find a second job so he doesnt have to support me!!!!

I work full time and go to school full time and have the sole responsibility for the repairs (which he damaged and didnt keep up)and management of this household. Plus the responsibility and moral support and moral guidance of my 4 children

I told him he would be getting a letter from my attorney about his refusal to knock and visit only at times when I am not at home. Or make arrangements to meet any kids who would possibly want to meet him somewhere else.

This AM my daughter, son and I went out for breakfast as son is going back to college tomorrow. Next to where we ate was a cute gift store, immediately when I walked in first thing I noticed was a victorian ornate sign on the wall that said:

"The Queen is not holding audience today"

I think I am going to go back and buy it and hang it from my back gate <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Smiles,
Dawn
aka: the Queen

That's a great sign. I dare you to put it up!

OMG!!! How can I get one of those signs!!! I need one too!! Just the thing to make you smile....

Dawn, Oh my gosh, I love the sign and I double dare you to put it up! My abusive almost-ex used to call me the "Queen Bee: in the same scathingly sarcastic tone whenever I tried to set a boundary with him. It sounds so familiar. Yuck!

Just curious sunrise1.. how come you have not changed the locks on "your" house yet?, since you are leagally divorced, which makes it all the easier to get a court order of protection, if need be..

I know, no one wants to go this far if we don`t have to, but I do beleive you have a ligit reason to have this nippped in the budd....! If you so wish to.. so whats stopping you?

AV

numbheart

I have changed the locks..twice as a matter of fact. Suspiciously, they are not working right, makes me wonder if someone jimmied them.

Doesnt matter though..he just walked in because door was unlocked on Sunday. We were not home from church for too long when he just walked in.

On Wed, he stopped by after work and my son was here (I dont know if he just walked in then or knocked, however Im sure that he just walked in)

My kids have been really bad about locking doors behind them. If my daughter is in bed still asleep, my sons will just go out and leave the door unlocked with her in bed upstairs. This is an issue that I have been trying to get them to correct.

I know my ex wont hurt the kids..My concern for them is more moral hurt. Should they go someplace with him, his driving is extremely aggressive at all times, when he is under the influence, well I dont want them in the car with him at all.

Abuse for me...that is another matter. And if he threatens me in any way ever again there will be a restraining order. Someone else asked me that Q on the snow plow thread...because of ex's job I cant file unless I really feel in danger. He would probably lose his job and then I would lose the house. So EX has been on good behavior as Im sure he is aware of this. Emotional abuse is another matter. That is why I try to avoid him

Smiles,
Dawn

ah, the kids.. well my apologies then.. and my condolences.. but I know "I" could not live like that, and until he knows you mean business, by perhaps calling the police to have things documented, to prove how often this happens.. then perhaps he will see you mean business, and have a fair warning, from not only the police, but his job, as well.. IMHO he will not stop doing this, until YOU stop it..

This is not to offend you personally, but it is a know fact that men/woman (there are woman who abuse men out there too) who take advantage of or abuse a spouse or significant other, usually do so, because they CAN get away with it, because the woman/man/spouse/sig other have no self confidence what so ever, and submit to this kind of constant arogance, there for they give in every time things occur.. and the abuser knows exactly how mush and what they can get away with..

Again, IMHO.."IF" it is documented.. then perhaps that is all it will take, the ONE TIME, and then this may stop.. I apologize again.. because I do not know your story.. How long are you divorced?? I will gather that he has been doing this ever since he left, right? so do you really think he is going to STOP at it now, after the fact.. It seems to me you already know the answer of what you have to do, but your trying to handle it all by your self, to which this sounds like, it will not get resolved..

I feel for you sunrise1.. I my self, COULD NEVER live under those terms... and would not tolerate or hesitate to do something about it.. I would also go to his boss before hand.. and explain, you do not want him to loose his job under the circumstances with your given situation, so perhaps the job can be warned as well, what you plan on doing, so again, he knows you mean business.. then once proceedings take course, (AGAIN) it may take only your ONE and first initiative.. but he will have to see, by your actions, that you MEAN business.. people around you, (the police, his boss, your kids in perticular), all have to be talked to in order to get this ball rolling) and normally, most are accomodating.. (I my self have come to learn, most do have compassion, and only THEN, understand the seriousness of a situation)

I truely wish you luck sunrise1..
sincerely.......Av

I would sell the house and buy one in my own name. Then he will no longer have that to hold over your head.

Arn't Ex's so much fun sometimes?

Seriously, can't you have him arrested for tresspassing?

Or borrow an attack dog?

I'm sure you find it scary. And it's threatening.

I hate moving, so that option would be out for me.

Faith4me walked this line too. The children invite him in (or at least that's what X wants to believe).
Use the police, that's what they are there for. If the house is in your name only, then you can bar him from the premises.
I never expected to be on a first name basis with my local police, but I was, and they had some great advice. (I still curse that they talked me out of an RO - it could've saved lots of time).

If they know the situation, they can let you know if his car is at your house, and they can talk to him about it. They don't want domestic violence to occur ever, so if they can prevent it - they will.

They were the ones who told me what I had to post on all windows (after the locks were changed) to ensure that STBX didn't call another locksmith and get into the house illegally.
Use your resources, and explain the groundrules to your kids.
Good Luck.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My kids have been really bad about locking doors behind them. If my daughter is in bed still asleep, my sons will just go out and leave the door unlocked with her in bed upstairs. This is an issue that I have been trying to get them to correct.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do your doors need to be unlocked to open from inside. If so, look into knobs that can be opened from inside without unlocking them.

You stand a better chance of locking yourself out with them, but you are also less likey to leave the door unlocked when you or kids leave the house

You need a different type of lock. Can you get a locksmith to look at the locks. And the kind where you can set them to not open from the outside to have the inherent risk of shutting yourself outside but the added advantage on keeping unwanted people from walking in.

Is the house in your name? If so, call the police for a trespasser if you hear him inside again. Tell the police you own the house and you have told this individual they are not to enter the house unless you, personally, invite them in.