Hey ya'll! I haven't posted in a while, and most have probably forgotten me (s'okay, I was only around for about 8 months during the BAD times). I used to post as Kimmy2--but I felt like I needed to change my name to reflect my new life!
I'm here to let you know that whatever situation you are in, life does go on, and it DOES get better.
For those of you who don't know me, I married my HS sweetheart, he was my only boyfriend (first date at 15, married at 20). We have two wonderful sons, and I thought we had the marriage every one else wanted. We were married 12 years, and the last 4 were bad. He began having an EA, then a PA with a coworker who I had to accept they were going to be "Friends". He did things like bring her to my family's lakehouse when I was working a 2nd job (he did not work 2 jobs) We are all teachers, I'm at a different school-different county--thank GOD!!, and I took on a supermarket checker job to pay for credit card bills that went to help support our family. (We got in debt--as most everyone does--when we had the boys and I wasn't working...XH wanted all balances zero.) Anyway, I felt guilty and took on extra job, although I'm come to realize those bills were his responsibility, too--they went for formula, diapers, clothes, etc for our boys who were 14 mos apart. BUT while I was working, X was having OW down at MY grandparent's lakehouse! With our kids around!!! and I had to accept it because they were "FRIENDS". He would "NEVER" do anything inappropriate, expecially in front of the boys! Well, after this went on for 2 years, and they worked out together at a local gym 2 or 3 nights a week (me, trusting this "friendship"), he decides one day he's not happy. He wants to separate. Then a week later he wants to get back together because he couldn't stand for the boys to grow up insecure (whatever?). So we got back together for 2 months (my only condition was the "friendship" thing cooled off for us to work on M, but I was ecstatic to have family together!!!). He agreed, but 10 days later was working out with her again. Then going places with her again. Gosh, it was an awful mess!!! I finally found emails where it comfirmed their affair, emotionally and physically, and he concurred. He left for OW, did not agree to counseling, which I wanted. I went through 9 months of greiving.
There is a point to this rambling, I promise!!!!
Anyway, to make an incredibly long story not as long, I finally decided in February that I had to let go. I had grown tired of crying every night, mourning the loss of our marriage. I made one last attempt for him to consider reconciliation, and he rejected it. So, I decided life had to go on. I got up, dusted off my knees, and decided I would not let one person in this world determine my happiness. I would take control of that. And for the first time since I was 15, I took control. I started dating, DV was final, and I found a man that is absolutely WONDERFUL!!!!
I have never been treated so well!! ANd the funny thing is, I wasn't looking to find anyone when he bumped into my life! WE have dated now for 6 months, and we have talked for everyday for 6 months. He drives an 18-wheeler (and an ex police officer), so is out on the road 3 nights a week, but we constantly talk. When we go out, this man, to this day, opens my car door for me. I swear, I have NEVER had that. We have lots of things in common (he has 2 sons--older than mine and out of the house), and we love the same things. His xwife (DV 7 years) had an adulterous affair, so we have that in common as well.
Drifter (the CB handle my new guy has) proposed to me a few weeks ago, and, although I was nervous, I accepted. We plan to marry in the fall (giving it a full year of dating).
He is wonderful to my boys (they love him!), and an answer to prayer, but I know one thing, I will NEVER allow myself to be treated the way my X treated me again.
Please, ya'll, please remember that things do get better. Maybe not all at once, but they WILL! And the main thing is to be true to who you are! I know I tried everything to make my 1st marriage work, but I was the only one trying. It's ok to let go sometimes. Life is out there....GRAB IT!!!
LOVE TO YOU ALL,
Drifter's Girl
<small>[ January 30, 2004, 11:08 AM: Message edited by: drifter'sgirl ]</small>
