My now ex-wife and I finalized our divorce that I didn't want yesterday. She has been pulling away for the last couple of years, and finally announced that she wanted a divorce last Labor Day.

My question is this: What should I do now that it is over? I have one divorced friend who's ex-husband gave her a diamond ring on the day they divorced. Kind of wierd, but I now understand the sentiment. I am extremely sentimental, and I feel the need to do, say, or give something that caps things off.

I guess in some way, I'd like to say I've had the best days of my life with this woman, and a few of the worst. We have had two children together, and spent 12 years together. She will have a huge place in my heart forever, and unfortunately, I still love her even though I've tried not to. We will have to continue to be parents together.

Thoughts?

TB-

I looked over a little of your story and wow, sorry to see that things ended so bumpy. I'd recommend that you not give her jewelery or something else of sentimental value. IMO she'd see the jesture as more weakness on your part and you'd be disappointed with her reaction, guaranteed.

Instead, forge ahead and make those positive changes in yourself and concentrate on being independent. After awhile, she will most likely notice the changes and perhaps attempt to mend things. At that time, you could consider whether to pursue it, from a position of confidence and strength. Sounds like you're expecting her to show remorse, regret, etc. and it's not going to happen if the A is still going on. JMO and good luck to you....

Just a quickie. How about a Valentine’s card with exactly what you wrote here. And, instead of a ring, what about a locket with the children’s pictures? Or something that symbolizes the miracles you brought into the world together?

And may I add, how generous of you!

Hi Tallboy,

I just read your story and I too am sad things went so rapidly downhill to D.It seems you've been blindsided at best.

All I could offer you is that your WW is a very confused, self centered person right now.One day when the dust settles and she has had her share of reality come into her life,she will most likely regret her decisions and may even repeat the same mistakes with this OM.It may be their downfall as well.She has not even given herself any time for introspection but one day it is going to hit her right between the eyes.And her children,not to mention you,have all had to suffer the consequences.

Well,there's a lot to be said for being the one with all the integrity and dignity in all this.At those moments when her heart opens to what she has done,she will surely realize what she has lost,on so many levels.Give yourself praise for hanging in there when things were going so fast and you barely had time to react.I think that's all any of us can strive for,inner peace that we did the right thing for ourselves and children and that no matter what,you WILL be ok.That has been my motto too.

Take care now.

O

You are one admirable man to want to do this for your newly xwife. All I got was a bill from my lawyer, and hassles upon hassles.

Some men will be men even though they have had to endure a divorce when they didn't want to. Maybe that is why my XH didn't give me anything, cause he is the one who wanted the divorce not me.

I am giving you a big hug, and your xw is very blessed.

Tallboy:
If you can afford it, without expecting a return, why not.
Do whatever you feel you want. If you've valued the partnership you've had with her, and want to express it, do it if it comes from the heart.
As long as you make it an unconditional gift of appreciation.
I like greengables':
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> what about a locket with the children’s pictures </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">suggestion..
Also make it clear to her that you are moving on, and wish her luck. This may seem wierd if you still love her and want her back, but the only thing that will still give you a shot if you want one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Be strong, and do not falter.

muzohead