Great ideas, WIWH and Elspeth. The reason STBX knows that I was out was because he asked where I was when I called to say good night to the girls. I said “Out.” He then asked who I was with. I had two choices, lie or tell the truth. I told the truth.

For the time being I have stopped doing anything with anyone of the opposite sex, friends included. And you know what? I don’t really know why I volunteered to do that except that I wanted to appease B. last week. Oh, there are other reasons why. Like that my friend wants a girlfriend, and I’m not her, therefore, he should be out with other people. And he is. And there’s the reason that my STBX will use the information to make me look bad.

But, really. This is a bit excessive. I don’t ask my STBX where he is and who he’s with. It’s none of my businesses.

I don’t think it likely the girls would ask about anything. Although we went to a coworker’s Christmas party and Maggie suggested that maybe I could marry him. I explained that he was already married and no I was considering marrying him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by greengables:
<strong> Great ideas, WIWH and Elspeth. The reason STBX knows that I was out was because he asked where I was when I called to say good night to the girls. I said “Out.” He then asked who I was with. I had two choices, lie or tell the truth. I told the truth.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Child, what am I going to do with you??????????

You have another choice. It is to tell him, in a calm voice, that you are about to divorce him and one of the things divorce means is that you are no longer accountable to each other for your whereabouts. Then change the subject, and no matter what he says, do not answer the question. If he really got obnoxious, you could have got up and left the restaurant.

Yes, he will think you are in the wrong, but guess what? He already thinks that! You know what it would take to make him think you are doing your part, and being the sane woman you are, you refuse to do it.

All you got out of answering his question was a nasty threat. You don't owe him the truth to anyone who uses it as a weapon. Just tell him to mind his own business-but politely.

<small>[ February 18, 2004, 12:44 PM: Message edited by: elspeth ]</small>

Oh, lord. That response never occurred to me.

GG, I'll be there to help with the books.
And since I spoke to you the night you told B, you've already heard what I have to say on the matter.

Through the D, I had many friends. Most were women, but some from my DSG were males, and my girls grew to know them. One dropped by the house often, as a friend, and although I had to set the record straight, the girls knew that he was only a friend, like my female friends.
So, I don't think you'll need to make a big deal about it with the girls. In these times, we need as many friends as we can get.

I still get a kick out of explaining to people how I met you "I well - sort of met my friend GG on a website!" It really does sound absurd.

I also recall reading that parents shouldn't use the kids as emotional support, but B plans to do this. There were so many times I wanted to photocopy the pages of the books on parenting through divorce just to show my X, but I knew that he'd never read anything from me. B will do whatever he wants to do, with no consideration on the impact on the children. That's his way.

I guess that’s why I’m worried. If B. uses the children for emotional support it’s all [censored] backwards. And if he uses them as a weapon, I’m going to have his tush in a sling for sure.

And you’re right. We do need all the friends we can get.

Elspeth, you make a good point. And one that sometimes gets forgotten when people demand honesty from their spouse. One cannot expect to get openness and honesty until one has stopped Lovebusters. Lovebusters make openness and honesty too dangerous.

And why should I share all when I’m getting divorced?
And why does he think that verbally attacking me and threatening me will make me want to work on the marriage?

Meanwhile B. is in counseling. It seems he and the counselor spend a lot of time talking about me. The latest was Dr. U thinks I hate B’s business. Well, I hate the way B’s business affects my life. I hate how messy it is financially, physically, and temporally. I also find the way he runs it to be too risky for me. I’m a risk-adverse person. I hate the way his business and obsessive book buying has taken priority over everything. To use an analogy STBX is a drug addict who deals in order to support his addiction. Change “drug addict” to “book shopaholic” and “addiction” to “habit” and there you have it.

Steve Harley finally got it about B.’s book buying habit. The last MC never did understand it. But then, she allowed B to make and break deals left and right.

I wouldn't take B's word for it about what his IC says. It may just have been that the counselor was reflecting what B said, "So you are saying she really hates your business, and that's why she complains about your inventory." It might take the counselor a while to judge that B is ready to hear, "It sounds like you have a hard time actually selling any of your inventory."

Good catch on B's "filtering" the truth to be what he wants to hear.

Both of you are right. And I don't really worry about it. His counselor is there for him, not to be an advocate for me.

And if I stink like skunk cabbage in her mind, oh well.

GG
Sorry but I hear a lot of talk about what he says, what he does, what he thinks.

Your're getting a D from him.

I can understand everything about how he treats the kids but other than that you should only be concerned with you and how that affects you and your relationship with the kids.

Be concerned with what you are going to do with all that extra space once the end of march comes along.

I have a pool table collecting dust. I'll give you a real good deal on.(Was a gift from STBXW) I can bring it down when I come to help you load up those books <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Any word on that job search?

Job Search is tabled until I exercise some control and exorcise B and books from my life. But, if anyone hears of an opening in the Phila. area in marketing or an ad agency, please let me know.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Job Search is tabled until I exercise some control and exorcise B and books from my life. But, if anyone hears of an opening in the Phila. area in marketing or an ad agency, please let me know.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It still wouldn't be a bad idea to get your resume up to speed and get onto monster.com or hotjobs and start poking around.

You may come to a point between now and book day that you decide its time to go full force into the job market. It would help if you already have the ball rolling a little.

Don't worry. Cerri has me continuing to work on it. It's just not my focus right now.

DARLING!!!!!!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I just saw this thread for the first time today
AND,
If you ever stop giving me advise for my situation
Gosh,
I will just have to...
to..
.
.
sit down and cry

Say, are you free for a bookburning?
I'll bring the stuff to make smors if you bring the books.
And..
I know of a job opening in my area.
There's this fruity nut case
Early 40's
too many kids
NPD fo a Husband
Fragile and feeble
About to go off her rocker
who NEEDS a babysitter
Pay sucks!!!!
Fringe bennies?
well,
there is this very adorable two yr old how would steal your heart
And the cripple has something resembling a sense of humor.
oh yes,
you and the invalid could talk art and lit to your heart's content.
hmmm..I think that about covers it.
whadda ya think?

Green?
hey green....
are you still there, hunny?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
xoxoxo
H

Hey Green, Kidnap me, won't you?

Sure thing. And we'll go searching for the ultimate diamonds!

WE ARE THE ULTIMATE DIAMONDS!

LOL

Well, yes. Hypatia and I had been talking about black diamonds being a girl's best friends. Hey, did we even get to do a black when we went skiing?

I cruised so beautifully down this lovely narrow black. I was the mountain.

You, Newly, can come searching for the ultimate diamonds, and double diamonds.

Let's think Heli-skiing.

Let's think run away to Chile in August.

Hey I KNOW. You know that moive Endless Summer? We could make a movie called Endless Winter.

Okay, who wants to do MB Endless Winter? It has a certain metaphoric value does it not?

GG, we did do an easy black diamond - at the bottom.

You may not know that I did Chile, Portillo, on my honeymoon. It would be a great purge to go with a friend. It was beautiful. A very small resort, and we were the only Americans there.
I'd be up for it. I think X is taking the kids on vacation on Aug. 23. Think seriously about suggesting traveling to me. I'll always jump on it.

The week I can go is a Promotion week at Portillo.
Any MBer's interested?????? I'll check on airfare.

Friends & Singles Week Promotion 2004: August 21 – August 28

Promotional offer for women Portillo will offer excellent promotions for women who visit us for 7 nights during Friends & Singles Week. These promotions are valid if reservation is booked before May 31, 2004 with a 50% deposit.

Promotion 1:

50% discount for all female guests sharing a Family Apartment with one or two bathrooms. Though specifically designed for families (two connecting rooms, one with two twins or a queen-sized bed, and another with bunk beds for 4 to 6 people), family apartments are an economical option for a group of women who want to stay in the main hotel and don’t mind sharing their room with a friend.

Conditions

A minimum of 4 guests and a maximum of 6 guests may book a family apartment. All guests must pay 50% of the price that corresponds with an Adult in a Family Apartment (see rate sheet).
Offer not combinable with any other promotion.
Promotion 2:

If 2 women share a Valley View, Lake View or 6th floor room in the main hotel, the second woman pays just 50% of the package price.
If 3 women share a Valley View, Lake View, or a 6th Floor Superior room in the main hotel, 2 female guests pay full price and the third female guest is FREE. Please see note below regarding this lodging option.*
If 4 women share an Octagon Lodge room, 3 women pay full price and the 4th female guest is FREE.
If 3 or fewer women book a bed in the Octagon Lodge, they receive 15% off the package price.
Conditions

*In the main hotel, if 3 women share a standard room, the third sleeps on an additional bed. Please note that this option is not ideal in the sense that rooms are not large, and three beds in one room leaves very little space.
Offer is not combinable with any other promotion.
The Octagon Lodge features rooms with 4 beds. Should a group of two or three women share an Octagon, please note that the additional bed(s) could be occupied by another female guest whom they do not know.

ooooo
diamonds are a girls best friend,
but alak alas,
my hip has an appt w/ an orthpedic surgeon on Mar 3.
bummer
meanwhile, I am supposed to be taking it easy.
I laughed when the doc said that
obviously he hadn't met BabyLove.
What a mess!!!
God love him
as soon as I can, I am hitting the slopes again, I feel so unfullfilled w/ out all my diamonds.