I realize I haven't given the long version of how I got to be on this forum - but here's a quick rundown ...
My WH & I separated in '01. After he said he wanted to reconcile, we did, sought counseling , yadda, he continued his affair with the OW. I was pregnant with our 1st child - 1 month away from giving birth when I found out the OW was pregnant as well - she was due in April. Talk about bombshell. My H continued talk of reconcilliation and told everyone he wanted to be with his wife. During that time I decided to give my H 1 year to actually get on track or I was leaving the marriage for good.

I didn't tell my H I had a timeline, because I wanted all efforts to be his own. He was the master of faking good behavior in order to keep me around. In September, my H started with the persistent lying. Since I had a year in counseling at that point, I figured I wouldn't fight his actions & just focused more on myself. Jan 31st, I changed the locks & told my H I was filing for divorce. He couldn't let go of the OW and I was tired of the whole mess. My now STBXH is just what he is - a serial cheater.

I have now felt comfortable enough to share what is going on in my life. No longer ashamed as if I wear the Scarlet Letter. No longer depressed as if I could do nothing to save the person I - here is the biggie - ONCE LOVED. My love bank is bankrupt and it is time for me to go on with life and enjoy peace. I haven't had peace in so long, it is refreshing to go to home to a house filled with the sound of my own laughter & that of my daughter's. No tension - just easy peace. If I could keep my STBXH out of my dreams that would be even better!

Since I have now liberated myself - how many times must I hear "Are you ok?" I am NOT going to break down & cry folks. I am at peace with this decision. It is time for it. I could stay in a marriage where my spouse had no respect for me and continued to live a fantasy - or I can enjoy my life as it is now. Just little ole me. While I most certainly appreciate the support I get from others - it has been a very long road for me. One that has involved numerous doubts, 1 year of counseling, and long months of essentially being alone (since my H was continuing his behaviors), where I found joy with myself.

I guess to respond to my own question - I guess I just have to smile and say "I am REALLY ok!" I am ok - I am more than ok - I am fine. I shed no more tears - I just want the thing final already! While I most certainly understand for many people it is a very traumatic event, and I while I don't deny I have gad my share of them - I am a calculated individual. I have to make sure I am OK with any decision I make - and this time I am.

Here's to peace of mind and being OKAY!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> how many times must I hear "Are you ok?" I am NOT going to break down & cry folks. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My marriage ended quickly, so I showed the external signs of mourning/grief (damn I wish I could be at that weight again).
I know that some people mourn the loss of the marriage while they are in it. Therefore, their external grief may not be evident to others.
I suspect the second statement refers to you.
It takes outsiders longer to see it. They will see you are OK by your actions/reactions. They haven't lived what you have.
Consider yourself loved when people ask about you.