Just need a little input as to which way I should steer my boat, or rubber raft should I say. Am pondering which way to go here. H says he'll go to mediator to find agreement w/ a financial settlement for us to move forward with. There are many assets on his side, some are in both our names, some are in only his, some are in company's name. He says he will get all paperwork together and let a mediator help decide "fair and equitable distribution". I consulted with an attorney and from that source I hear that H doesn't have to bring "everything" to the table. He could OPT to leave something out. I am not sure if my trust in H is such that I think he would or would not do that to me. His idea of fair however is for me to be exactly (maybe a tad better financially) as I was when he met me. I know I have gone over this before - I just need counsel, wise words, btdt kinda thing. With his total avoidance of me while we live in the same house, I sometimes want to file first and go with the attorney for a fight for any assets I may be entitled to. Then I think about how he says "I won't screw you". and I tend to believe that...somewhat. And I want to end this nicely.
I am trying to be strong... all I can think about is the future without him. Please give some input. Thanks. SS

If you can communicate (outside the house) in a fair way without a power struggle, a mediator is a good way to go. Both parties have input and it's far cheaper.

You need to find out whether the mediation agreement is binding, and would want your attorney to review it anyway for fairness.

We tried a mediator, it didn't work for us, as X can't compromise.

Most states are equitable distribution, which means that all assets acquired during the marriage are split 50/50, regardless of whose name they are in. My X had a business before we married, however, he invested significant amounts of money in buying equipment (marital assets) and I spent a great deal of time helping him with the business. So don't think you are not entitled to it.

Be fair.

None of this really seems fair. But I don't think it is about what I want or think anymore. I don't know if doing a 180 will change my H's heart. I am going to do it tho. But the attorney/mediator thing is just another item on the "to do" list. I am afraid of the future without him. Just because we had so many plans, so many things we wanted to see like the Highway to the Sun going toward Canada. It's sad that we will never see it..together. Whaaaa! I apologize.
I know he is staying away from the house just because he doesn't want to be around me. he told me last weekend he is "detaching" from me. that is why my pictures are gone, my little rose gift that hung on his car mirror is gone. I am okay to be alone. It is just when I hear him come in late at night or leave early in the morning, I want nothing more than to get to him and wrap my arms around him and hold him for hours. My God - I am so depressed. But then I think of the reality of his unhappiness... for that I am sorry - should I have to find a house I can barely afford, probably in town or in a congested neighborhood ( I am a country girl- gotta have room), should I have to take on this car payment, should I have to struggle to survive, while my H is rolling in $$. If he had nothing - I want him. I am still in love iwth him. He moves me. He is the most beautiful man I have ever known. He is surely breaking my heart. I need you people, each of you. I wish we could all go on a road trip and go camping together! Can you tell I am lacking in the friends arena?! ANyway - helps to vent. Thanks for your ears (or eyes). SS

Hi, SS
I read some of your earlier posts to get a better handle on your story. I am in the beginning of the finalizing stage of divorce brought by my H. We are working out some on our own in general terms only . We could go to mediation or use lawyers for it all. I am going to choose a lawyer, even though it may be more expensive, in order to make sure SOMEONE is looking out for me.
SS said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And I want to end this nicely. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think you can still "end it nicely" no matter what method you use. Your lawyer(s) will take their cues from your behavior and desires.

It seems that there may be some assets that are questionable, and I would suggest you talk to a different lawyer just as a means to protect yourself and make sure you get all you are entitled to. If, as your first lawyer said, your H "opts" not to bring assets to the table, I would think the court would frown on that, as it is not full disclosure which is expected.

Have you visited any of the divorce websites? Here are some links I found helpful, which are state-specific:
Divorce Source
Divorce Net
Divorce Info

Good luck, keep us posted.

I think the decision has to be made considering communication, assets (or what is at risk) and negotiation skills. If you have poor communication with your stbx, high or complicated assets then I don't know if i would risk the mediation route.

In my situation, it would not have behooved me to go the mediation route. STBX thinks that he deserves pretty much everything, he thinks that alimony is a joke.. plus he is a professional negotiator in his job... which would put me at a terribly unfair disadvantage. My STBX brags that he brings people to their knees.. and I am easily intimidated. So on that alone, it wouldn't have worked...