Over the years, creating a home for us and the kids was very (no very very very) important to me. Of course this required expenditures (furniture, rugs, etc etc) Since my stbx took a job 12 yrs ago that required extensive overnight travelling his need for a completed home dwindled. I'm not sure that it was ever actually a need of his, while it was always in my top 5 needs. Part of that need for me, was having a spouse participate in the making of the home.. which grew more impossible in our relationship since stbx wasn't home or into it.

Over the years, stbx had the final say on all purchases. He didn't think that home things or the home environment rated high enough to allocate funds for. So, we did without many things that he didn't want to spend money on.

It just makes me ill that we are now spending major money on attorneys, accountants, appraisers, etc etc etc. Just when my daughter really could use a car, just when my daughter needs college funds....
Not having that completed home (that was certainly within reach) was probably the single biggest love bank deductor for me. I really needed the stability, the comfort, the foundation of the home that was my unshared vision. It sickens me that all the money now being wasted on attys, etc could have furnished us with that vision home, if STBX hadn't been so controlling. I truly think that he denied us of those things because he knew how important they were to me. It was like he was trying to punish me by withholding them from me.

It breaks my heart to pay for someone else's furniture, vacations, cars, etc. It seems to me that if we have it for the attorneys and experts, that it should have been used for us instead of being used as a control factor......

That's funny as in ironic, btw.. not as in HAHAHA.... It's more sad though than anything else.....

<small>[ February 28, 2004, 01:41 AM: Message edited by: Ms Mink ]</small>