How long should you continue with Plan A with an emotional affair? <P>My H has been carrying on an EA since May. I have confronted him twice and both times he has been very repentant and promised to break it off. But it is still going on...he just cannot break it off and the OW is the focus of all he does. He is hiding everything from me and lying to cover up their continual contact. I have been following Plan A since late July, but friends are telling me that this is just allowing him to feel good about continuing the EA. My H is a minister and people in the congregation are beginning to question what is up between him and the OW (who is a member of the congregation). I am being advised by a counsellor that I need to confront him once again and this time bring a third party into the confrontation, for the sake of the church, and that I should demand that he cut off the relationship completely? What do you think? Demand or continue with Plan A?

hanging on -<P>I'm not the greatest at sorting the Plan A & B stuff out so I can't advise with that. I just wanted to let you know that their are alot of wonderful people here who will be along to help you with it.<P>I was going to say to Hang in there until they reply - but by your name, I see that your already doing that! LOL!!<P>So I will just wish you luck and say a prayer for you!!<P>Hugs and Strength,<P>Sheba

hangin on,<P>I am sorry to hear you are going through this. If your husband is still being evasive about everything then the affair is still going on. I would seriously question if this is only an emotional affair. Keep posting and talk to a counselor for yourself if you can. I wish you well.<P>TryingAgain

Hanging on,<P>If your h. is a minister, I'd have to agree with your counselor-confront him with the third party. Also, I don't think he can get over ow if there is continued contact. Do you have children? Does he say he still loves you? Does he want to remain a minister? Maybe its time for a wake-up call-meaning time for him to realize what he stands to lose. One of the local married ministers around here ran off with a married woman of the congragation. I'm just thinking if you nip it in the bud before it can go that far (not that it would, but you never know). Had he talked to anyone in the Church about it? He probably needs counseling and the ow needs to find another Church. Good Luck.

In my first confrontations with my H, he acknowledged that he would never be so stupid as to risk everything, including his ministry, by having an affair with the OW. He does not seem to be able to see that continual emotional involvement is risky too. People in the church are beginning to notice their attraction. My H began counselling but then backed out. I'm feeling that I must confront soon but am afraid that the third party I bring in will agree with my H that it is no big deal unless it involves sex.

hangin on,<P>In my case, I have not find this forum when I sensed and confirmed his affair so I jumped right to 'make up your mind' stage or so known as Plan B instead of going through Plan A. Heck, we've been married only for 1-2 months by that time, I felt that I was ready to get divorce. Fortunately he chosed me and ended up his fling right away. I think this is also depend on the emotional involvement between the wayward spouse and OP. In my case, it was obvious that H sees her not more than just a fling. I dare not to think what would happen if he had a serious feeling towards the OP. My marriage might have broken off the record for lasting not more than a month!!!<P>Well, that was just my 2 cents.<P>Saskia.

Dear Hanging on, <BR>I know exactly how you feel both my husband and I are christians and He just ended a 8 month long emotional affair, and the pain was just the same as if He where having sex with her, The devil lies and makes your husband think its ok as long as there is no sex involved. A big lie from the pit of Hell. He even said it was his hobby helping this other women. He wanted his cake and pie. Sex from me the other stuff from her. <BR>Well I kept on keeping on and gave it over to God and kept on believing He would wake up,<BR>I loved Him with the love of God, but at times I would get very depressed and cry alot<BR>but I would get back up again, crying dosen't mean you don't believe God is big enough to handle it, its ok to cry. Surround yourself with other strong believers to help encourage and pray for you. Sing alot of praises to God that will make the power of God move on your behalf, just like when Paul was in prison He sang Praises to God And God loosed the chains and broke down the prison doors, Singing songs of Praise will break down the emtional prison walls as well.<BR>I pray in the name of Jesus that No weapon formed against your family will prosper, the the devil is under your feet, He has been defeated, and nothing is immpossible with God. If you would like to email me, My address is cbtshreve@neumedia.net<BR>Keep on keeping on Sister, God loves you very much.<P>------------------<BR>Carla