As for me, my ex and I separated over a year ago and the divorce was final 11 months ago. It was very tough emotionally leading up to the divorce, but once she was gone, I seemed to be ok. I spent the summer taking care of myself and actually went on a few dates. Last fall I met the most wonderful woman by chance. She was everything I could ever want in a woman. We dated for six months and things were great. She was widowed just over a year ago and I thought that she was ok with our relationship. But about three weeks ago she informs me that she doesn't want to date right now. I was floored and devistated to say the least. I understand she has alot she is dealing with emotionally and have tried to look at this unselfishly, but to no avail. I can't hardly function each day, missing her. It hurts to the core. I love her so much. I guess my point is, how much of my pain is actually unresolved pain kind of coming back from my divorce.

Lucky,
I don't have any advice for you but I am in a similar situation. I don't know if you read my post from last night but I was fine after my separation and divorce. It seems that just now I am dealing with confusion about me and whether my problems in my current relationship are due to unresolved issues that I have from my divorce.

I too have found a wonderful person. He is great to me--I definitely know now what it is like to be treated well because I have seen the other side. I also know that I have things to work on in terms of how I am in a relationship too. I know my boyfriend is worried about our relationship right now. I have tried to explain to him that I am doing the best I can but I am still trying to figure out who I am post-divorce. I try not to let my divorce get in the way but it is still SO DIFFICULT. I don't miss my ex-husband. I do miss life when I could take a breath, be happy most of the time, and not feel like I don't know who I am anymore.

Good luck...this board has helped me tremendously. I have posted many times with different names because I keep losing passwords! My other names have been beka and dillie. I haven't posted much but when I have it has been comforting even if only to vent. I wish the best for you. Keep it all in God's hands and everything will work out the way HE wants it to. Now, if I could just follow my own advice!

Thanks Jennebekka for you reply. I am not sure what is up with me. I just feel so lonely sometimes that I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up. I have a lot of faith in God and rely on him for my strength each day, but it is still tough. I just want to be happy and share that happiness with someone. Life is no fun going through it alone. Is your boyfriend being patient and understanding? If he is a keeper you better hang on to him. Don't let your emotions and fears from the past ruin a good thing. True love isn't found everyday and when you find it, you better hang on to it. Guess I am still looking for it.

Have you heard the statistic that 80% of second marriages end in divorce? Usually the problems from the first marriage are still with the individuals when the marriage ends. The problems can try to be dealt with and resolved during the first marriage or you can split and carry your problems with you to a new relationship. Unless you deal with the issues that caused the first relationship to fail, most likely your next relationship will fail too. That's why I am in counseling. I cannot control what my WH does but I can control what I do. Even though I didn't commit adultery doesn't mean I wasn't partially responsible for the problems in the marriage. I am going to deal with them now and if I can still save my marriage I will. If not, then I end up better off in the long run anyway.