If the non custodial spouse wants visitation with a child, What is the customary transportation arrangement. STBXW moved 30 miles away. I say that I transport them all week, and she should pick up and drop off. With the price of gas, me having a junk to drive and her having the new car I helped buy, I think it is fair. Any thoughts? We go to court soon so what should I expect to ask for?

Alot of people do half & half or meet halfway.

My X is about 25 miles away (I moved) and I feel the same way. I do all the driving when I have them. Since he's a conflict avoider, he didn't even think to ask me to share the driving.
(Mind you I drove 100 miles per day while married because he refused to assist with childcare).
So, until he confronts me on it, I let him drive.

I dont' know what your schedule will be. If it's every other weekend, and return on Sunday, see if she'll take all the driving. If not, then since she picks up from school or aftercare, suggest that you alternate the returns (this means only 12 times per year you pick up from her).

Perhaps one of you can each do pick ups or drop offs.

If she picks them up for the weekend, you pick them up sunday.

If you drop them off with her, she drops them off with you.

sounds like a fair 50/50 way

I guess I am a little less than wanting to work with her since she decided divorce was better than marriage counseling. CS is less than it is supposed to be, and she is in my face as often as she can be. i dont follow her, ask anything of her etc. She said she washed her hands of our situation and didnt care what I did. She has made the kids feel worse toward her since she left and is showing no signs of recovery. I guess we will let the judge decide everything for us. Like I said, my car breaks down alot, and she has the new one. Seems only fair to me that she cleans only after one person, shops for one, does laundry for one etc. I do it all, and I am not angry about that, but she just wants me to fail at this so she can try to win them in court. The kids said they would go to an orphanage first.

Let the kids come to court and say WHAT THEY WANT to the judge. They hate the mom for what she did all those years. So they should have a say in which parent they want to live with and which one they want to see.

Are you worried if they do not go see thier mom at all that you will not get any CS out of her? Sounds like it to me....otherwise why would you even care if the kids see her or not. She is really harmful to them!

Is it the CS money you are after here?

HH,

How has this been managed since she left?

Is she showing any indication of what she is expecting things to be like?

What is causing your concern at this point in time?

It is not the CS that had me trying to get the kids to call, but the idea that she will use some of the PAS,type crap her counselor is putting in her head against me in court. Her counselor has only heard one side, and she is playing the victim. It pisses me off that our marriage wasnt worth going to MC but since she left has been going weekly. ( I get the statements from my insurance company) Her C has been writing it up as medical treatment to try to get it covered. I hope she doesnt think I am going to pay any portion of it. I am broke week to week, and have been unable to sell anything to get extra cash. I have my own medical problems that I am paying for in addition to the feed bill for the animals she left behind. I do need the CS to keep us out of the red. There is no extra money without it, and even with it for that matter. We dont go out to eat, and find no cost entertainment. She holds the CS Check ransom for whatever she wants at the moment. I want the kids to tell the judge how things were when she was there, and how they are now. I want him to make her give the the full amount of CS, since she makes double what I do after I supported us all while she did 4 yrs of college. She gives me less than 1/2 what she should, has my adult daughter against me, spying on us, on the kids at school and friends doing the same. I feel surrounded by sympathizers for her and am tired of it. I dont care if the kids call her anymore. After reading several posts her, I will stop doing that. It isnt fair to them to push them toward uncomfortable because of my fears in court. I really feel like I have things sewn up as far as custody, 1, they are old enough, and 2, I can prove she is abusive. We just need relief from her.

If I were you I would sell her animals so you do not need to care for them. Simplify your life.

Unless the kids want and love the pets so bad they would earn money mowing lawns or something in order to buy feed for the animals.....

How many animals are we talking about? What type of animals are they?

She still thinks she will get custody of the kids. She wants to make my life difficult by arranging P/U and D/O at noon so I cant function for an entire day without having to stop and run or face her. She only takes her for 24 hours at a time. I have things I have to do and one of them is not seeing anyone (having sex with some woman as my wife put it) At this point in my life, I dont need any sex. (I know there was a time when I thought that thought would be rediculous) But it is true. I have so much going on, trying to get things done that I dont have time for anything but work and my kids. She is taking up and small amount of free time I pissing me off, and arranging P/U and D/O. She left me with ALL the work. All the responsibility. All the bills. I dont think that her living 2 miles from work, and taking care of herself takes up ALL of her time. I work 30 miles from home. I work 40hrs, I have to help with HW, and everything else. I know she is just playing with me to try to piss me off.

The one who chooses to leave the marriage and move a long distance away gets to do the driving, unless there are extenuating circumstances, like say a broken leg.

Nellie, if life were only so simple!

HH,
Get your visitation written out. I didn't do that and it backfires at time. X works 12 shifts 3-4 time per week and doesn't work weekends. However she will work a Fri nite from 7p-7a and it is almost always on her weekend with the kids. So my weekends without the kids is cut down to part of Sat and most of Sun. She will bring the kids back about anytime on Sun.

Her solution to my complaints about her working on her weekends with the kids is to just drop them off. They can stay at their friends.

As for her new car, that is half yours too! Make her sell it and you get half the profits. I let my x have the car as I have a company car. She went out and leased a van(she said so she could take the kids places). Now since she is no longer married, she says she can't afford it and told the kids she is getting a Jeep.

So stick up for yourself. I wouldn't worry about remaining friends with her after the divorce. That doesn't seem to happen very much.

Newly,

It is that simple, as long as the person who wanted to end the marriage was also the person who moved far away - and this is often the case.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by RWD:
<strong>

As for her new car, that is half yours too! Make her sell it and you get half the profits. I let my x have the car as I have a company car. She went out and leased a van(she said so she could take the kids places). Now since she is no longer married, she says she can't afford it and told the kids she is getting a Jeep.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wouldn't hurry on the whole car thing. Depending on what and how it was purchased, she could be UPSIDE down in the car. (Meaning it is worth less than what is owed on it.)

With all of the zero down, zero interest deals, it doesn't take long to owe more than it's worth, especially if you finance for 60 months.

FWIW, now back to Marriage Building.

Tony