Basically I will give you some History. H and I have been married for 11 yrs. we have 3 children 2,6,8. Throughout our marriage H has been a conflict avoider and I tend to tell how I feel. Things that have gone on, I have been upset over the years H has been a workaholic and spends very little time with the kids. I have always wanted to do family things, go on vacation, have family days. We have done some of these things but now H wants a divorce and claims he has felt pressured to do these things. Its not like he has come all the time H has had tons to time doing what he wants I always have felt like a single parent but married. H tells me just last year that he felt left out after kids have been born. He has other feelings tells me we are just like his grandparents who lived in a lovesless marriage and he will not live like this. Also tells me we have the same relationship as his parents, they have not been very close, His dad was also a workoholoc and I feel his wife resented it and just accepted it but I feel there is some conflict. they are doing better now they are in their 60,s. H claims his parents would have been better of if they divorced.

H claims he felt pressued into marrying me, has never really loved me, and wants out. Over the past 4 yrs he has been involved in pranic healing and psychics he now beleives we have been together in past lives and we havent learned life lessons and now he wants to divorce. He also met someone else at a vitamin shop where they do healing on people. He said they have had relatiionship in past lives and in the summer he told me he was in love with her. He tells me now it is not true but he is always at her shop and he has not slept at home now since last sept he sleeps at her shop. I agree that we both have not been to happy these past few years if I had read some of harleys views I might have been able to fix some of the things I have done wrong. My H refuses to feel there is any reason for trying. He wants a divorce and thats it, he doesnt want to try. Sometimes I feel like he thinks I am the one at fault for everything.
I realize I can't do anything about this. I have tried plan A and I am now going to school full time taking the LPN course. I worry about how this will affect the kids. My P D when I was 12 under different cicumstances My M had a Mental Disorder but I blamed her for many years about it. we have never been a close family and I don't want this to happen to my kids. He has told my Daughter that he wants a D. She has asked me If daddy is going to marry the lady from the Vitamin shop. My H always has this Everything is going to be fine attitude but I worry about the kids. I feel he just wants to worry about himself. With all this healing he tells me how he can see the future and how I will be married again to someone more like me. He feels we have too many differences. My H has also seemed Depressed in the past few years up untill he found his healing and now he's all happy. He has never been happy with work and with family he always needs something on the side he used to tell me that life wasnt worth it if he had nothing else but his work. He went and seen a counsellor who was wrapped up with the pracic healing. He was trying hard last spring to fix our relationship but I was ingnoring him. I felt left out not listened to , and that I was never important to him. Sexually I had no desire to be with him when I felt this way. He was spending all this time from home and then I resented it and his healing. He never told me he was trying to fix our relationship he just says that I should have known and because I didn't try means I never loved him. I feel this is unfair. I am more that willing to fix things now, but he claims I am only doing this because I don't want him to leave. I could write a book but I better stop.

S & T,
I'm sorry, what's the question? Is there a confirmed A? PA or EA with vitamin shop lady?
I think the kids will be happy if you can learn to move on. It is your reaction to the D (if that is what happens) which will affect your kids the most. If you seem happy and content and don't hold a grudge or use the kids to hurt him, I think they will be and can be fine. I think however that statistics would say otherwise.

Thanks for the post. There have been no confirmed affair, to the best of my knowledge I beleive it was a EA. They talk they share the same interests she is 10 yrs older that him and he said that they can't be becasue it woulnt be right she is also married.
I dont't hold a grudge against my H but I feel sad that someone you love and marry refuses to try and then tells you all sorts of things about not loving you, pressured into marrying. I just beleive a marriage is for life and things need to be worked through, H has different thoughts on that and he beleives if you are not happy the M should end. I beleive there is hope and that we loved each other when we married but life and kids got in the way, I think I got wrapped up with the kids and he felt left out, I didn't do it on purpose, and he should have told me instead of waiting for years, and I guess we didn't hande everything the best way.
I know I can't change him and I know its not any one persons fault it's both of ours. I want to share custody and have him be a part of the kids lives. Is there anyone out there who shares physical custody half and half the time. I have heard before that this does not work best for all children because they feel they do not have a secure home. Of course I worry about things financially when It happens and that I will have to work full time and I will not have as much time with them as I have had in the past.

Thanks for the post. There have been no confirmed affair, to the best of my knowledge I beleive it was a EA. They talk they share the same interests she is 10 yrs older that him and he said that they can't be becasue it woulnt be right she is also married.
I dont't hold a grudge against my H but I feel sad that someone you love and marry refuses to try and then tells you all sorts of things about not loving you, pressured into marrying. I just beleive a marriage is for life and things need to be worked through, H has different thoughts on that and he beleives if you are not happy the M should end. I beleive there is hope and that we loved each other when we married but life and kids got in the way, I think I got wrapped up with the kids and he felt left out, I didn't do it on purpose, and he should have told me instead of waiting for years, and I guess we didn't hande everything the best way.
I know I can't change him and I know its not any one persons fault it's both of ours. I want to share custody and have him be a part of the kids lives. Is there anyone out there who shares physical custody half and half the time. I have heard before that this does not work best for all children because they feel they do not have a secure home. Of course I worry about things financially when It happens and that I will have to work full time and I will not have as much time with them as I have had in the past.