So what do you tell kids about dating after divorce? Do you hide everything from them? Or do you tell them you are going on a date? Or do you wait until the new ofund relationship has some potential to it?

And when do you introduce the kids?

I guess my thinking is that you shield the kids from everything. I have dated a couple of times now and ended up telling the kids about a date today... I'm not at all ready to introduce anyone at all, not even close, yet I hate flat out lieing to them.

So, it is thought best to protect them from everything, or just let them know the basics, without them knowing the details?

On one hand, I would like them to see the "basic idea" of dating, and getting to know people, and the like. Kids are 10,8,6.

Will NOT drag many people through there lives....but it seems perhaps "good" for them to know the basics about dating. Perhpas they can learn something from the example? Sad of course...I agree...but water under the bridge has passed.

Comments/opinions?

I am very open with my kids. They are teens. I had the talk with them, about their own dating someday. I explained the processs and why. I told them that I only need friends right now and that someday I may or may not meet someone. It may not be till they are in college. I dont know. But the point I made is that if and when it does come about, I will let them know. I know how hard it is to get to know someone. We may be with them 10 times before we know we dont want to be with them. I dont think we should parade possible suiters in front of our kids. I would say it like this. Tell them they are a friend right now and you are getting to know them. When the time is right for them to meet them, they will. Being upfront and honest is best and like you said they can learn how the process works by example. My kids have never been able to make a decision on their own with mom around. What I think will happen is when they are on their own, they will make the wrong choices and have no net. We should encourage free thinking (within reason) while they are home so they can learn in a safe environment.

From what I hear (and believe from experience) -- it takes 1 year for every 4 years of marriage to heal. Question is, are you *ready* to date?

Don't get me wrong. I'd love to *date*, but right now my priority is my kids, and will be until they are 18. They already have to compete for their father's attention -- I'm not about to put them in the position of having to fight for mine. I wear this big "NOT AVAILABLE" sticker on my head for now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Holy cow! 5 Years I have to wait? thats fine. My kids come first also. My kids seem to compete for my attention as well, I am out working and they want me to be there. I wish I could be a SAHD and just help them and be there for them.

Actually, I knew about the 5 years, so I have a counter on my computer that comes on every day to tell me how long... 4 years, 8 months 13 days, 9 hours,54 minutes left to go. Makes me laugh. I need it somedays.

bp22,

I agree with what you're saying. My boys are 10 and 8, and they know in general that Mom has dated a few times, but have never ever met anyone. This is largely because of two things:

1. I saw how upset they were when their Dad came home with a new live in girlfriend. They lived together for three months before the girl moved back to her home, and in that time, my kids actually grew to like this woman. I am not about to allow my kids to become attached, on whatever level, to someone I'm seeing unless I'm positive that this person is in it for the long haul. So far, in six months, I've not been lucky enough to find that person.

2. I decided for myself and for my boys that this time, I'm going into life with my eyes wide open. I have to be even more picky with my choices now, as if I screw up a second time, it screws up three people's lives YET AGAIN. Not gonna put the boys through the ringer like that. Or myself for that matter.

For me, dating hasn't been so much to go and find someone for that "forever and ever" situation. Sometimes I miss being with someone every day, sure. But as a general rule, I feel like dating a few times with different people is helping me to sort out what I like and don't like, and is really a huge confidence builder. Just reminds me occasionally that I "still got it"...

Good luck with it!
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