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Joined: Sep 2001
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Hello all the good people of MB.
Well, still getting along, still single and happy. Been dating a little and working a lot. LOL! I think I have finally made it. 5 years of hell, 6 months of separation and 2 years of divorce and I think I can safely say that I have made it. It hasn't been easy and it hasn't been fun but I had to go through it all to get where I am today. I'm healthy, happy and content with my life and me. My children are happy and that makes it all worth it.

I do have some concerns though. I find it very, very hard to have a relationship! It's like I don't have time for a life! The lady that I am dating now is divorced, has children, a 6 day a week job and tons of extra things that she does with her kids. (ball, etc.) It seems like when she has time for me, I can't spare it for her and vice versa. What is it that makes life after divorce so hard? I finally feel that I can have a relationship but it seems like life just gets in the way. Anyone else have any feelings about this?

Joined: Mar 2004
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I have been divorced for a year and based on my experience, dating life sucks at 32. Everyone kind of has there own life developed already and it can be hard to combine the two. Much more difficult at our age I think. Everyone has so much baggage. I have accepted that I may be alone for the duration...and that is ok too.

Joined: Sep 2003
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I will say it again, What Lucky said. We have to prioritize our lives. Kids first, us second. It is what we get for doing what we had to( I know some are thrown into D with no choice.) No better job than taking care of our kids though. We have to face the fact that we may stay alone. I will be happy just to find people to go do things with. BBQ's Bowling etc. Doesnt have to be a date. Just have some down time, then get back to the reality of life.

Joined: Jun 2002
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Hey folks, what do people mean by "date" anyways?

Are we talking about getting know someone?

Or are we taling about sex? Or talking about looking for a partner for life??

Geez...I'm talking about getting to know someone...a friend...as in getting to know oneself and someone else as well. They go hand in hand. Nothing serious....just a "date".

Yes, the kids come first...if anyone would ever try and step in the way of that, there's no quicker way to be dropped from my life. Whether friend, family, or whatever.

Joined: Apr 2004
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In the earlier post:
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I have been divorced for a year and based on my experience, dating life sucks at 32. Everyone kind of has there own life developed already and it can be hard to combine the two. Much more difficult at our age I think. Everyone has so much baggage. I have accepted that I may be alone for the duration...and that is ok too.
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Does everyone agree with this. This really scares me. I am about to get divorced and really would like, at some point in time in my future life, be able to be with someone again. I have gone through a very neglectful marriage and am looking forward to some time with myself and my 5 year old son (who I will have sole physical custody of). However, I don't want to be alone the rest of my life, I just don't want to live the rest of my life in the situation I was in.

Don't get me wrong, I will cherish every moment of the rest of my life with my son and my son will always be number one in my life, but to think how difficult it would be to meet other people after divorce worries me.

This may sound a bit self centered (I hope not), but just wanted some responses to this claim.

Joined: Mar 2004
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Been Hurt Before,
I am involved in my Church, don't do bars, very busy at work, and have joint custody of my son. I have had several dates and one 6 month relationship. I have met a lot of nice women. Maybe it is just me, but it just seems that so many people say that they want something serious and long term, but when it comes right down to it, they bail. I have heard this from others. I guess it depends on everyone past relationships/marriage and why they ended, but I just get the feeling that tons of people at our age are so guarded against getting hurt. If they could ever just let their barriers down a little and let someone just love them, it would make things easier. I was also in a marriage that was pathetic. I was the giver and never received in return. I would love to find someone to spend the rest of my life with who would just love me and adore me. As of right now, I am still looking for the big love.

Joined: Sep 2001
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Gloom and doom huh?
I love taking care of my kids and doing things with them. I don't have a problem with the sexual side of things, not that I use anyone. No, what I am talking about is finding someone for something other than a romp in the hay or a free meal. I do think that I have grown and learned. I want to find someone that I can share my life with. I feel I have a lot to offer and I am willing to do my best. It just seems that all the decent women that I have been out with are too busy with their own lives. One of them actually wants a relationship but just can't seem to find the time. Time together is one thing that I know is very important to a relationship. Oh well! I just take it as it comes because it doesn't come easy. But there again, nothing in this life that is worth having comes easy!

Joined: Jun 1999
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RN and others,
For me dating has been lots of fun. When we were married, we kind of fell into the rut of going to a movie or out for dinner and then home because we had kids and didn't want to pay the sitter a fortune.

Now, I can do what I like when I don't have the kids, I can go to dinner and a movie and then stop for drink afterwards.

Of the women I dated, one had a small child and her x worked different weekends so we never had a regular dating schedule. The second was unmarried and love sports and here dad had season tickets for the Indians.

The third has 2 boys my kids ages, but her x lived out of state and only saw them in the summer. She/we did lots with her big family and she was really outgoing and knew tons of people so we were always invited somewhere.

The current woman now I would marry tommorrow. We have a lot in common and she is lots of fun to be with. Her kids go to their father's the same weekend my kids go to their mother's. For mots of the past 3 year we had full weekends(every other) together) but this year has been tuff and one of kids always has something going on.

This weekend is our weekend together and it looked like we woudl get the whole weekend to ourselves. Howevere she told me last nite, one has a soccer game on Sat and both have band concerts on Sun and my son has a baseball game in the afternoon. Since we live 70 miles apart we can't be at all of their events.

So we make the best of it that we can. Sun's are tough when it comes time to leave. Sometimes I think it is not worth the pain, but she is worth it.

I have gone into all of my relationships with an open mind, I was just looking for someone to share my time with, I wasn't particularly looking for a wife. So far that has served me pretty well.

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Bumpity bump!

Joined: May 2000
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Roughneck:
<strong> I think I can safely say that I have made it. It hasn't been easy and it hasn't been fun but I had to go through it all to get where I am today. I'm healthy, happy and content with my life and me. My children are happy and that makes it all worth it....

....What is it that makes life after divorce so hard? I finally feel that I can have a relationship but it seems like life just gets in the way. Anyone else have any feelings about this? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My x has been gone for YEARS. I've been divorced for 5+ years and life is still hard.

I know I have given him up. Don't care for him. Don't wish him too much ill. He just is - mostly he is the children's father. That's how I phrase it, "G's dad" or "N's dad" but not "my x" - usually.

As for a relationship. Well, I have a fabulous one with the Diplomat. But I have decided that that may be all I need now. Someone who can meet some of my EN's - like affirmation and conversation. And he is a wonderful listener. And I am becoming a better listener.

But to add a full-time adult into my life now. Even one who expected a big chunk of my weekend time. I just don't know. Maybe God has me where I am relationship wise because He knows what I can handle. And it's not much more than what I have now.

I was talking to a friend Sunday and we talked about this underlying current of anger and annoyance. We didn't do anything for our x's to walk out. But they did. And here we are - holding the bag and trying to juggle everything all by ourselves.

Man, I think there should be some sort of breach of contract suit you could file against your WS. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />


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