I lurk occasionally, so some of you may not know my story. I think I'm the poster child for the marriage that was never really a marriage. Very, very long story short, but my STBXH is a serial cheater. After learning of my affair, my STBXH took it upon himself to 1) never forgive me & 2) engage in a number of affairs - each worse than the last one (to my knowledge 5 in all). Because of my guilt, I spiraled into a serious depression & didn't get the adequate counseling I needed until about 2 years ago. Since going to counseling, I have learned a lot about myself & how to effectively deal with my bouts of depression (no meds involved, but I am able to identify the beginnings of it & put it in perspective to deal with it).
My STBXH's 4th affair resulted in an OC and I continued to *try* and work on our marriage. Last September, I decided that I had enough & began the process of healing myself & preparing for divorce. In January, I told my H to leave, I had enough & I was sick of him, OW, OC & his lies and inability to be concerned about what he was doing to my life & our daughter's. The end of Feb, I filed for divorce. It's not yet final (90 day waiting period) & no court date has been set yet. I know divorce is not an instant process, so I'm sure it won't be final for a few months.
At any rate, my stupid, stupid STBXH is getting on my LAST good nerve. He is constantly asking me whether or not I miss him - I don't, and has recently started pulling religion out of his hat. I have always been active in my church & during my depression didn't go much at all (main reason - my STBXH had an affair with a church member <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ). Since re-evaulating my faith & getting back in touch with who I am, my STBXH has somehow decided that he's going to start talking about going to church, praying & just recently that he has just a "mustard seed" of faith that we are going to get back together.
The last time he mentioned that every thing in his life but "us" was coming together, I blew it big time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . I proceeded to tell him that after all the crap he dealt to me that he really had some ^(&#)^$^ never to start in on that with me. I told him I was sick of him & just wanted to move on with my life.
Saturday - STBXH came by to pick up the remainder of his clothes, and he again starts in on - I can't believe this is happening, I think in 3 years I can when you back (WHAT?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ), blah, blah, blah, I have just a mustard seed's faith that we can get back together. He just moved in with a room mate after leaving the OW's house and he keeps this mess up. I have been to see my counselor & he said that my STBXH has a history of thinking he can do just enough to get back in my favor. I am sick of this. When I am finished - I am finished. It annoys me to no end that this man can think he can do this forever.
He won't change, he never will. He doesn't know the value of hard work - he's never had to do anything alone. I have always carried the hardest & heaviest weight of this marriage. From trying to fix it to finances. I have been all of it. I'm tired. I just want to live in peace.
How in the WORLD do you get them to see this. Is there a such thing a FOG when you are in the process of getting divorced? Do they not realize the magnitude of their actions? Am I to blame for carrying a Plan A for too long? Did I become an emotional doormat? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
How do I make this go away? If me going off on him didn't help what will?????
