You all should get a kick out of this. I just received my NLJ (National Law Journal) a few minutes ago. I read up on all of the cases going on across the country. Sometimes they prove to be a help in dealing with some of our own cases here in our firm. Well, I turn to the Verdicts and Settlements page and I see:

Man must pay $567,000 for breaking up marriage.

Wow! Apparently, this guy sued his wife's lover and divorced his wife. He claimed the man, who was a doctor (his wife was a nurse working under him, literally <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) had an affair with this wife and thus destroyed their marriage. He sued the doc for alienation of affection and criminal conversation, claiming that Doctor Feel Good encouraged his wife to cheat on him. The case is Kinlaw v. Harris

Now...you all KNOW I am about to sue this other man. Hey! It may be a long shot, but I'm thinking I'll sue him for about $100,000. That sounds reasonable.

Go for the cool mil... then settle for 250k!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

That is awesome, what state is that in? It has to be an at fault state I would imagine...

Ah man. I just spoke to attorney about this and he said, North Carolina, the state that it took place, is one of the only states that recognizes the statue that allows this type of thing. Other states have the statue but it is just archaic. I don't know though. I'll still be interested in at least trying. Maybe I'll do it pro se and see what happens.

Just put a call in to my attorney... I know what she'll say though...

Yeah, I should be living in N. Carolina. Apparently, may people are trying to abandon this statute altogether. People look at it as a revenge type law. But I bet in these states adultery is much less comman.

WMWB, I meant to ask you, do you have any conversation with your wife today? Or is it just strictly business re: the children? That is how it is with me and my wife and it just amazes me that this is the woman I grew up with, lived with, slept with, cried with, laughed with, brought children in this world with...it is amazing to me that we do not even speak now. Mindboggling if you really think about it. I was just wondering if you all were the same.

Well, the truth of the matter is that I am afraid to talk to her… so I don’t. I keep things strictly business… just about the kids, or her getting the last of her junk out of my (that’s right… MY…) garage. The few times that I have actually allowed myself to converse with her… it hurt too much. I usually ended up bawling on the couch for an hour after we hung up. I think this will get better with time, but for now the wounds are still to fresh. Generally, when I would talk with her, things would go along just fine (almost like “we” were just fine and one of us was out of town or something) then she would say something that would just bring me to my knees. The last couple of times I don’t think she was trying to hurt me…. But something just triggered that pain to come flooding back. Then there are the times (this happened just the other day) when she will call up… from the @ssholes house (a mere 150ft. from my door) and want to be all chummy with me… like we are pals or good neighbors or something. THAT, really p*ss’s me off… big time! We are NOT pals, we are NOT friends or nieghbors... nor will we ever be while she is still cheating, period!

I find that I do much, much better if I can stay callous and indifferent towards her… keeps things short and relatively pain free.

<small>[ May 25, 2004, 03:29 PM: Message edited by: Want My Wife Back??? ]</small>

Me and my x are like machines. When the kids are present it is like nothing is wrong. If we try to work anything out it is a war. We actually talked civil over the phone last night. I'm sure I will get a letter from her atorney confirming our conversation!

Yes it is funny, at one time we were madly in love and now we are just mad. We use to talk and wish it would never end, now we can't wait for it to end. I feel real sorry for the guy that is going to marry her this June. Just knowing what is in store for him keeps a smile on my face.

half a mill,,, hmmm...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by STP:
<strong> I feel real sorry for the guy that is going to marry her this June. Just knowing what is in store for him keeps a smile on my face.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is sooo funny that you say this!!! I have thought this same thing about my WW! I've often thought of going up to the @sshole and slapping him around and just ask him... "Do you even know who you are dealing with here...??? Oh, no... not me, I mean her?!?!?" And just spill ever ounce of dirt I have on her. Then sit back and let him experience it for himself... That does keep a smile on my face too.

You know the old saying... (warning ladies... slightly chauvanistic...) No matter how hot and sexy you think any given woman is... no matter how wonderful she seems, there is some guy somewhere who is absolutely sick and tired of putting up with her sh*t!

I can't wait for this little fantasy that WW and the @sshole have to come crashing down on them...

now that is interesting. Hmmmm. With me, I think that if my wife and I carried on a cordial conversation at least, I'll say 5 times in a row, we would be on the road to getting back together. The thing is, we cannot have a decent conversation. She is always on the defense or on the attack. The last conversation I tried so hard to be cordial, she ended up, and I am dead serious, saying out of the blue, "I do not want to be with you, okay?". We were talking about registering my daughter for school! I mean, the conversation was like, Me: so when can you complete her registration Her: I'm not sure. I don't have that money right now Me: Do you want me to call and ask if we can get an extension? Her: Look, I don't want to be with you, okay?

The last time we had a string of cordial conversations was around Xmas and afterwards, she was considering coming home. That is until I had it out with her man and she went back to crazymode.

For me, I think my nerves and my spirits would be elevated if we could just talk. It's interesting to hear that those pleasant conversations are hurtful. But I can see it. It would be like, how can we talk so cordially and be separate? But I think the more she talks with you cordially the more it might make less sense in her mind to be with the guy. I don't know. But for me, cordial conversations just cannot happen. Not with her. Something is wrong with her.

I had high hopes for an Alienation of Affection suit just about D-Day then I looked into it and it was done away with in my state a couple of years ago. If I had only known about her previous A at the time it happened.................
It looks like you guys don't do much better talking to your WWs than I do. Sorry to hear that but it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone.
DTIA: You had it out w/ the OM? How? How did it feel? I have been strongly advised to stay away from my WW's OM at least til after DV-D. I do look forward to it though.

DJ, well first, I contacted him and asked him politely to allow me and my wife to work on our marriage. He did not. We exchanged words and basically we agreed that she is a grown woman and can make her own decision. But I told him that my children are not grown and that if I EVER see him around my children, or hear that he was around my children...I stopped and just said, "I'm ready to die for my kids...". Anyway, that was that.

Then, earlier this year, I did some more research on the guy, found out how much of a loser he is and I told my wife about it. She went back to him about it (he had lied to her about some things) and he called me and threatened me. I could have used this as an excuse to attack him, but I just went and filed a peace order. At that point he could not contact me in any way or be around me, and since I have the children the judge included the children in that order. And that made sense. I have this order from him. He threatened me and clearly is an "enemy". He could be around the children and kind of force me to break the order due to what he may say or do with the children. So, to play it safe, he was ordered to stay away from all of us. So, when the children are with my wife, the few times they are, he cannot be around. Well, the order has passed so technically he can, but if he does, I will just file again. So that is that.

But he is a born loser. Which is why I really believe that he and my wife will remain together. She has no one. He is her everything. She has no family. One other friend. And that is that. She is dependent on him emotionally and dare I say, sexually. He, is a loser. Almost 40 and living at home with moms. Three kids, two from a previous marriage, and a jackleg job. He needs her too. Two people who cannot get anyone else usually stay together for a long time. Have you seen Shrek? Well there you go. No one else will have them. My wife, I think is pretty. She has gained MUCH weight since she has moved out, but I think she is pretty. Before all of this, she was a very sweet person. Soft spoken. Very affectionate. She can be a very good wife. But she has turned her back on her family and her beliefs. So I don't know. I often wonder if they will get married and be happy together (I know I should not even entertain thoughts like that). Who knows. I am working on myself these days and really focusing on being proactive, not allowing outside circumstances to affect my attitude and behavior. That is a HARD thing.

DTIA, thats very interesting. My WW's first OM (that I know of)lives in our same town, his place of business his about 3 blocks from my house and his house anbout 3 blocks the other side. He's a real sleazeball. When I first started hearing rumors of their A, I went to his used car lot and asked him, he denied. When I had it confirmed I went back and asked him if he would testify in court, he didn't admit, deny, or want to get involved. I told him he got involved when he started Fing my W. I see him in public occasionally and make "comments", if I can just get him to take the first swing............. Its gonna happen, I will see to that.
The current OM is going to be tougher. He lives 2 hours away. I have several games in mind and plan on screwing with him probably past when its even fun anymore. Also, if I can come up with the eveidence I'm looking for as to when their A started, he could lose his job. I haven't figured out how I can get physical "restitution" without getting arrested which would cost me my job, but I'm working on that too. He has been talking to my kids on the phone and that bothers them, I talked to WW about it and I don't think it has happened anymore. Much more contact with my kids and my job may not matter anymore.Paybacks are a b!tch.
I have wondered and asked WW how serious her thing with OM and if they have plans for the future. Haven't gotten a straight answer and couldn't believe her if I did. I think maybe this A may be on the downslide but she will stay to get the cruise they have scheduled in July.

DJ:

As a guy who had very similar circumstances...I want to try to convice you to spend your time doing other things than trying to start trouble with the OM.

My advice to you is let it go...and begin to do some constructive things for your children and yourself.

Jeff..I know this is hard..I had to deal with my own very volatile emotions...but the more I told myself it won't serve ANY useful purpose...the calmer I became.

I am sure you believe that these other OM's have gotten one over on you...and they may think that too...but the bottom line is...it won't make any difference in the grand scheme of your lives.

Please try and be the bigger person ...I think I did just that...and have gained more respect from people than I ever thought possible. Did I have the ooprtunity to take my shots...yes...but I did it only within the constraints of boundries I put in place. Even when I had several convos with the OM. I made the rules.....and they had to follow them. If you act decently...no court will be able to serve an RO on you.

And as someone once said " The best revenge is a life well lived "...

Do it for you...and set a good example for your children too.

Hi guys,
I think we are all in about the same type of situation with the other man involved and we would like nothing better that to see him hurt. Please don't take this the wrong way, I read this on the board about 3 months back when I had actually already called the other man and told him to stay away from my family. The other guy only gets what the WW is willing to give him.......... That hurt me a great deal when I read it. But it's so damned true.

David A

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by David A:
<strong> The other guy only gets what the WW is willing to give him.......... That hurt me a great deal when I read it. But it's so damned true.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I read the same thing... partly responsible for the shift in my attitude towards my wife. I started seeing her in more of a culpable light. The reality of it is... she is the one who threw away her vows, not the @sshole. But, it just seems that something needs to be done to a person who prances in and aides in the destruction of a nuclear family. It feels wrong just throwing up my arms and saying "oh well, you win." and letting go. It feels wrong just letting them get away with this. I don't know for sure, but I think I would feel as though justice was served if something horridly grotesque (in a mob hit sort of way) happened to him. Perhaps that is a bit petty or childish or whatever... but hey, eye for an eye... tooth for a tooth. I would never do to him what he did to me, however painful and humiliating castration would work.

OK, I've done some less than honerable things. One night I was plowing snow in borrowed dump truck. I plowed a huge pile of snow in the end of her driveway because she got my snowblower in the divorce.

My buddy was out one night and drove by the rental house that he owns and his x was using. Her bf was at the kitchen window so he took a laser level and pointed it at his head. He could see the guy crawling on the floor throught the sliding glass door! He just kept moving the red dot like it was a video game.

When they made a furniture settlement he loaded all the stuff in a dump truck and "unloaded it" in her driveway.

Ahh, divorce, brings out the best in us all.

OK first of all I want to say HI guys long time no talk .. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OK I actually had to open another browser so I could look at and respond to a couple different people here ...

Stp wrote ... "Yes it is funny, at one time we were madly in love and now we are just mad.." way to funny .. although I think shes insane and not just mad .. you have heard that joke about the husband & wife at a Steak house .. Husband orders a steak rare ( not knowing about the Disease that is going thru town ) ,, the waiter ask "what about the mad cow " .. husband responds .... she'll get what ever she wants, ask her .. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ( just kidding ladies )

DJ ... until the divorce goes thru ,, you should stay away from the OM .. it will only hurt you in the long run of your divorce .. trust me on this .. I also confronted the OM .. matter of fact I sat in his Driveway until he came home and waited for him ( he was opening his garage door with his remote and pulling in so he wouldn't have to face me ) ( he lives next to my house ) So him and I had it out in his driveway (just verbal) .. I threatened him with physical violence he tried to press charges on me .. I did go back a second time and pounded on his door ( d-day ) but he wouldn't come to the door. I have to be careful what I type here because I know the neighbors that helped my wife have her affair reads this site from time to time .. so now I'm waiting until all of it's over with .. then things will be different and him and I can have a talk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Gregg M ... you wrote "I am sure you believe that these other OM's have gotten one over on you...and they may think that too. Please try and be the bigger person ...."

I haven't read your postings or your story .. but it is extremely hard to do these type of actions when the OM is one or two doors away .. and you see him everyday .. or them everyday. I go thru angry moments everyday when I go to work and come home from work .. like today .. I saw my wife outside with him in his front yard .. my childrens bikes were parked in his driveway and one in his garage .. ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ok sorry starting to vent ..

I do agree .. we need to get over it and heal .. but we do part of that by talking to each other here .. by venting and talking about how we are feeling .. I would rather they do that here then actually in person to the OM .. JMHO ... L&C

LOL - D2IA ... I had to come back on and edit this and say HI .. I am also looking into a lawsuit against the OM .. I can show that he has done this befor.. and as WMWB says .. I don't even care if I get a penny just as long as everyone in town and the surrounding area knows what a low life piece of ... that OM really is .. if A newspaper picks it up and prints it I'll be happy ... I know it sounds petty .. but we all have to have our dreams right? He took mine away .. or she gave them away however you want to look at it .. what is a dream worth ? what are all those memmorys worth?

<small>[ May 27, 2004, 08:55 PM: Message edited by: Lost&Confussed ]</small>

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 05:51 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 05:55 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 05:53 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>