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I'm in a new mood this morning. At least the feeling is stronger than ever before, I think. I'm wondering why in the hell would I ever even think about wanting to get back together with someone that would so easily give her self to others with no regard for the pain and chaos it causes the ones who really cared for her. Time to take care of me so I can be the best father possible.
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<small>[ August 30, 2004, 06:17 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>
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LL: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When you let go of a woman who wants to continue in this... and don't go into self-inflicted purgatory... and... why in the hell would you... as you say...
where does she go? The purgatory she created? Is that the chaos and pain? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If by letting go of a woman who wants to continue this, you mean a woman who wants to continue in the M, that would be incorrect. All WW wants to continue in is her A and our D.
Where does she go? Beats me. If she is in purgatory she hides it well, looks more like bliss. My understanding of purgatory is that it is a temporary hell before going to heaven. I think she would be getting off too light.
The chaos and pain is the tearing apart our family and the destruction of our marriage (at least the marriage I thought we had).
I will look at Caricatures again.
<small>[ June 04, 2004, 09:45 AM: Message edited by: deafjeff ]</small>
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<small>[ August 30, 2004, 06:18 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>
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One of my biggest fantasies for her is that someday she realizes what a mistake she has made and can come to me with enough respect to come clean and tell the truth from when the lies and deceit started to the present. Probably will have to stay a fantasy. She's staying blissful and out of purgatory now by rationalizing her @$$ off and being blind to the damage she has done to the kids.
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<small>[ August 30, 2004, 06:19 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>
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Makes sense to me L. From most of the stuff I've read, even though WW acts like all is rosy now, its not and she knows it. It would be something of a comfort for me if I could tell but that hasn't happened yet. My dad seems to know her better than anyone, he's predicted her moves more acurately, and he says its an act, she's suffering. We'll see if she falls off the edge when she realizes I'm done, its over, I'm not going to be there for her anymore.
The one thing I remember reading that didn't really go along with the usual scenario as I understood it was the thread on mid life crisis. That one made a lot of sense too and I could see WW fitting in there. As I understood it, she could come out of this Ok. Little or no regrets other than maybe waiting so long to do it.
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L
<small>[ August 30, 2004, 06:21 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>
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<small>[ August 30, 2004, 06:22 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>
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Thanks LL, hope you had a good weekend. I know the emotional/ relational 180 would be the best thing I could do for myself. I even understand the concept. I have a little trouble with the execution but I think I'm getting better. The divorce was her decision. Her cheating was her decision. I don't know that there is a way I would like her to come back.
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<small>[ August 30, 2004, 06:23 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>
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I get it. Maybe the 180 is difficult because she is constantly in my face. Kids, ball games, small town. When I see her crap starts flooding in. I hope I am done with the "drive bys" to see if she's home. I haven't really worrried about her since this started. Wondering, well probably need to work on that some. Emotional rollercoasting, please somebody stop this thing and let me off! Actually, its not as bad as it used to be. I hardly ever get panic attacks anymore and when I do they aren't as strong or last as long. Sometimes I can even think about other things besides the situation I'm in and function like a normal human.
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<small>[ August 30, 2004, 06:24 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>
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Thanks LL. Yep, slowly (seems that way) but surely I think I am getting there. The truth has smacked me square between the eyes and acceptance is sinking in.
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