Wow! My wife never ceases to amaze me. I am convinced more than ever that she is not herself and is taken over by a demon, alien, whatever.

It was only supposed to be a scheduling conference. We were only supposed to be meeting to set up the times of trial, mediation and what have you. But this woman says she wants a hearing on visitation because she is not happy with the way things are now. So my attorney comes to me with her proposal. I am surprised by what she is asking because she knows how involved the children are on the exact nights she requested. And seeing that she has distanced herself from everyone we know, she does not involve the children in these activities. So I simply say, no.

Now, yesterday was my daughter's graduation (4pm). Our conference began at 9:30am, so I knew that I would be out of there at least by lunch. I was going to take my son (son did not go to school but was at her school waiting for me to return). I was to take son and daughter to lunch and then get my daughter's dress ready and her hair ready and all that for graduation. My wife knew this. She said, if she does not get what she wants then we will just have to see the judge, which would have been AFTER 1:30pm. Oh, boy. Why did she say that? I went off!!

To make a long story short, we are in a room with the mediator, me and my wife and the two attorneys. I went off on my wife, not being mean or shouting (too loudly) just calling the situation as it is, "we are not here to discuss what's best for Rhonda or what's best for Solon, we are here for the children and what is best for them...you left because it was best for you, no one in this room had to see the pain in my children's eyes when that happened, and now she wants to open the wounds that are now beginning to heal and take them away from their home?!"
My wife starts crying. Then her attorney says, "well what about 5 weeks with you and 5 weeks with her?" Oh, boy. Why did she say that? I went off on her. Again, not being rude or mean or shouting I just kindly asked her about her kids and what's best for them. She was stupid enough to engage and I caught her to where she realized how foolish she was being. They both end up walking out of the room.

So its just me and the mediator or whoever she was in the room. My attorney left out with them to discuss things because they did not want to be in the room with me. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> She would come in and tell me what they said then go back out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> It went on like that until I said, "enough is enough tell them to get back in here". They come in and her attorney says, "Well, we're not sitting down".

Anyway, to avoid having to wait for a judge to hear this custody issue, I agree that she can have them Sat. night, Sun. night, and Monday nights until our PL Hearing on July 16. Now get this, out of those three days of the week for the six week period (until the 16th) I still get them 4 of the six weekends. Why? Because they have a life. They already had things planned and she refuses to be seen by the people they have the things planned with. So we took all that time only to decide to have things the way they are now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

So I made it to my daughter's school (she graduated from pre-K) and she looked beautiful!! My wife did get away with only having to pay me $475 a month (which is SO unfair), but to avoid missing my daughter's graduation I agreed to that...but that is only until the 16th.

Her attorney hates me, but is obviously afraid of me. I am sure she is going to viciously attack me on the 16th and then again on the official trial date in November. But I'm ready for her.

So you are the custodial parent and your W (WW?) is paying you CS? It is a comfort to know that it can happen. Did she walk out and leave them with you? Will you get to keep it that way when things are finalized? I don't have very high hope of coming out that way. My WW walked out but took the kids and she is the custodial parent on the temporary order and I pay CS.
Is she saying things just to p!ss you off? I think thats what mine does, especially in public. She tried me after the ball game last night but I didn't bite and I think that p!ssed her off. The hotter she gets over nothing the better I like it.

She was so pressed on getting out so she can live a scandalous life with this OM, she did not bother "taking" the kids with her. The children did live with her for a time M-Th due to my schedule at work, but I had that changed and have been picking them up ever since. Home has always been home and I always tried my best to establish that.

She is now trying to get them more than 3 days a week. That money she pays goes directly to the school. If it were going to me, huh, she would be more delinquent than she is having to pay the school. I am about to hit her up for some money right now though. We do not have an official order stating me as the CP, but I pray that on the 16th we will have that. I am in good position for this to happen considering I take care of all the children's needs and they live with me, at home, for the majority of the time.

I hope your prayers are answered. My WW works for the local public school and has been going around telling teachers how wonderful D is, you get every other weekend off and get all this child support, and has encouraged some of them to do the same. It looks like our only battle in court is going to be custody and the odds aren't good for me.

DOIT and DEAFJEFF:

I live in NJ...and CS rights vary from state to state...I put my xWW on the defensive right away.

By the way, I did what I considered a very good Plan A for about four months..after that..all bets were off because I knew with her alchohol addiction and living with OM that it was not going to change and I threw in the towel.

I went to the county courthouse and filed for custody,visitaion shedules and child support. I did not wait for a judge to decide the issue during the divorce. What I discovered is that the when my wife wanted to discuss different visitaion at the D hearing...he told her that she would have to re-file for another hearing.

This was part of a two-fold plan.

1/ To ensure our childrens safety and welfare.

2/ To send a message that I was traveling down the path of divorce...and that she needed to wake-up and smell the coffee.

3/ The next step was a good Plan B.

4/ By November 18th of last year the D was official.

To do this, if your state allows requires documentation...financially...bills..pay stubs for jobs she has etc.

And, you have to weigh this against any leverage and deals you can make that are most favorable to you and the children.

I feel fortunate in the sense that I got custody, though at a considerable sacrifice...and even suggested to her that if she signed over the house to me...I would forego CS...as I knew what the proceeds would be. In the short run she gets cash..in the long run she will pay 3x the amount back in CS than if she had just signed obver the house. O well..So much for financial sense.


Luckily, I do not have to pay alimony either. But, I took some short term hits...which are almost over.

Your sTBXW may be angling to get the kids and have you pay her support too. But, if she has worked in the past...a judge may tell her to get forget it...given the circumstances of what she has done. And, if you can..have your attorney name the OM as a party to your suit, for whatever your state allows as a reason (usually adeltery or alienation of affection) If it is not on paper, a judge will not consider it normally.

Once the divorce is over though...remember this..it will be time to be a little more flexible...unless she has a substance or violent history.

My X hardly wants to see her own children..but I ascribe that to alchohol abuse...and the feeling that she is not a good Mother. I agree with her on both counts.

good for you Gregg. Sounds like you had your ducks lined up. I'm glad you got custody as I feel that the BS should, in most cases, always get custody.

It is unfortunate Jeff, that she took left and took the kids. That would have been the prime time to fight against it. She should have left and allowed the kids to remain home. But I'm sure it may be difficult for you to over turn that now...although it may not be. Ask your attorney what would need to be done in order for you to get the children back home and have the issue revisited with the courts.

As far as alimony goes in my case, I seriously doubt I will have to pay considering I will only be working part time while in school. In fact, in addition to child support, I am tempted to seek alimony from her! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm looking into the adultery charge. Alienation of affection was done away with a couple of years ago here. The judge has appointed an attorney ad litem (at my request and my expense) to represent the kids and make make a reccomendation back to him. That is my best hope of getting custody, this judge does not do joint its all or nothing. My attorney give odds of 70/30 in her favor. I was tempted at first to just settle, the D could have been final in March. My dad, a 2 time D veteran himself, said that I need to be able to show the kids that I did everything possible to fight for them. Made sense to me, the fight is on. They are almost of age to decide for themselves who they want to live with and both are so unhappy with their mother, I know I will get them then. And then she can pay me child support. She makes more than I do and would have to pay more per month. I may be the financial loser now but I believe I will come out ahead in the long run. The real loser is the kids, they have been thrown into a turmoil that never should have happened. I do my best to keep it as painless for them as possible.

Hmmmm. You are right, they are the one's that matter. I would just suggest that you do all you can do for them and with them. I never really made it a plan, I moreso just wanted to get them involved with so many things that the pain of what was going on would not be as prominent. So I involved them in all kinds of things. We started doing so many things together. All of my money and time went into them. Next thing I knew we had this bond that even their mother would not try and touch now. All of their teachers know me well. The whole community. My advice to you would be to focus on them. Do things with them that you have never done before (and always invite her). This is still your family. They will always be your kids. Give it a fight...and win!

I am doing more with them than ever before and I have to give credit to anti-depressants for a lot of that. We've gone back to doing fun things we used to do, just not often enough. I try to make as much of our time together real quality time as possible. Doing new stuff too. Helping coach a baseball team- thats a real new one for me but it was planned before I knew any of this BS was happening. Real good stuff planned for the summer. We're gonna have fun.
As far as inviting WW, no way. We are seperated and divorcing by her choice. She has an ongoing A with OM. Pretending like we are a happy family again ain't gonna happen.

Hi Deadtoitall,

I am a divorced custodial parent (mom)and I must say I commend you for the way you have taken on the role of mom/dad. I was really touched when you talked about getting your daughter ready for her grad, dress hair etc. Their needs seem to be your top priority and I really hope you get to keep them. Not many men take this step, I think the courts make it really hard on them.

Best of luck and keep up the good work !

Marie

Well we know she won't take you up on it. It will just establish the fact that this is all her doing. And when you say, "I did all I can with the family and she chose to exclude herself from me and the children" you won't be lying. The family shouldn't suffer because of her selfish choices (don't mean to call your wife selfish).

I scheduled a vacation to Orlando for August. I knew she would not go, but I invited her anyway...in writing. Think she is not responsible for paying half? Her choosing not to go is in line with her choice to separate herself from the family. And when you think of it, it really is crazy. If I'm involved with another woman and my wife arranges a vacation for me and my children, I don't care WHO is going, I'm going to be there. And I don't have to pay either? These women, well let me say my wife, she is crazy about her OM. She was invited to a free trip to Disney World for five days with her children and she said, "no". Oh, I'm stressing this to the courts next month. You mean to tell me that she loves her children SO much that she refuses to spend a vacation, her first vacation, with them? Based on the fact that the man she created the children with will be there? Come on now. Something is wrong with my wife? Won't you agree? Couldn't she just tell her man, "Look here, Baby. This is free trip and I have never been to Walt Disney and these are my children. You must understand". That is all the proof one needs. My wife is out of her mind.

But anyway, I digress. If you were to invite your wife, she would not go. But just think if she did. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> You might be able to woo her back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks, MCM. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm afraid I have told WW about this site and she might find me here so I can't say anymore about the big plan for the summer as she or the kids don't know yet. You can call her selfish and a lot of other stuff before you offend me. Asking her in writting and getting turned down sounds good though. If it could be used as evidence. As far as her going and me wooing her back. Nope. That ship has sailed. She would have to re-become the person I thought she was years ago and woo me and I already have my guard up. Burn me once thats her fault. Burn me a second time thats mine. This is actually the third time. Three strikes, I'm out.

I hear you on that. After all my wife put me through it would take some serious, serious wooing. I'm talking about some Shakespeare, Romeo type wooing. Flowers, cards...hidden notes and treasure hunts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

But I understand what you're saying. But just do all you can to position yourself to get custody of the children. The attorney for the children can be your best ally. Get in good with the guy, or gal. Let them know exactly what happened, i.e. wife met this guy, fell in love, dragged the children in it so she would not have to pay child support, teaching children that having a boyfriend while married is acceptable, etc., etc. Also, teachers are great allies too. Get in good with them too.

I just wanted to chime in and say that I really commend you fathers on this site. If only there were more like you.

My situtation with my XH is very similar to yours. I have primary custody, but now my XH after a very sketchy parenting history wants them 50/50 and will stop at nothing to get it. I have honestly done all that I can think of to work with him, but it has all been for nothing because the rules are always changing with him. He is driven by selfish motives and doesn't seem to care who is hurt in the process. Your wife seems very much the same.

I really wish you luck. This is definately something I would wish on even my worst enemy.

Take care and God bless!

K

Oops that was supposed to be something I would not wish even on my worst enemy!

K