I have been married 11 years. I was 16 when I moved in with my husband and 18 when we were married. I’m not sure how we ended up getting married so young, but it happened and that’s a whole other story. We have no kids. After 2 years of marriage we were fighting like cat & mouse. He would work late and I was going to college full time. When he came home he would sit in front of the TV and ask to be left alone. There was quite a bit of pressure on him to pay the bills, but I was feeling unloved. I told him I couldn’t take it anymore, but he talked me into staying. Things haven’t changed. I know I should have left at that time. We were young and didn’t know how to communicate. I started having an affair with a co-worker after three years of marriage. It has been going on for the past 7 years. He has been my best friend, a person I can talk to and be myself with. My husband intimidated me so much that I lost touch with myself over the years. I haven’s seen him for almost a year, but I feel terrible for my husband. He is not a bad person, but I don’t think he is the right person for me. How do you decide between a man you had a 7 year affair with and a man who has been your husband for the past 11 years? I love my husband, but I don’t like him. He is willing to work on our marriage and learn to communicate, but is communication enough or do you have to genuinely like the person you are married to. We have no real hobbies in common. We have tried counseling, but he dominates the conversation and points the finger at everything, but our relationship. I know that Dr. Harley tells us that we are obsessed or addicted to the person we are having an affair with, but dosen’t my husband deserves more than me. Someone please help any advice is appreciated.

You're asking if you your husband deserves better??? What about you? You have no kids together, you don't like him, you don't communicate, why would you stay with him? Just because you feel guilty about your affair? (which I don't think it right either) But why would you stay with a man that from the very beginning you've never gotten along with or been happy with? What do YOU want? I think that is what you need to answer for yourself. What was your husbands reaction to your affair?

Anita,

have you tried any counselling/retreats for couples? First you should exhaust all the possiblities on making your marriage work. I mean, your affair of 7 years has had probably a very negative impact on your relationship with your husband. You cannot expect him to be nice and dandy about you in light of your involvement with the other man. How would you feel if he did that to you for 7 years? Drop your relationship with the other guy and concentrate on your husband. Love heals all the wounds.

Good luck.