XH called and agreed to ... deep breath ... sit down and talk about this changing schools idea of mine.

The call started out pretty typical puffed-out-chest Humperdinck but he seemed to calm down when I stayed level and confident. He tried to say that I was in violation by not giving him copies of the public information I'd found on the Internet about the public charter school and public school district MEAP scores (I shot that right down, and that's as argumentative as I got) ... he backpedaled bigtime about having his mind set against the change and just claimed he wanted evidence and that I "changed the subject" when he asked for it (sillyness) and that he thought I was making it up (absurdity) and still clings to the claim that he saw in the paper that the current school is one of the best in the state. Good, he can find the article. ;}

He is against the idea that our DS needs special education services (okay, he definitely has a problem with labels) and tried to say that my whole argument was based on cliques and had more to do with my bad experience in school than with DS! He dished out crap time and time again, and I politely and persistently refused.

He is supposed to call me when he gets the copy of the motion I filed today. I told him if he wants to sit down and talk about it, that's fine. If we can reach an agreement, I will cancel the hearing. If not, we will proceed with the hearing and let the judge decide. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to pay any more attorney fees... I almost forgot that his relationship with the 'rents wasn't going so well lately (according to DS) and maybe he's afraid they won't foot the bill. ;}

Well, that's my news. I am about as shocked as I've ever been.

<small>[ July 01, 2004, 11:34 PM: Message edited by: xpButtercup ]</small>

Pats on the back for another Princess.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> XH called and agreed to ... deep breath ... sit down and talk about this changing schools idea of mine.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is good news. Find a neutral public place, present your findings, challenges, etc. Let him know you're exploring it and just want to make the best decision where the kids are concerned.

I don't blame your XH for being concerned about having the children labeled ADD, ADHD. While your son may be exhibiting behaviors attributed to ADHD, he could just be underchallenged or bored. IEP's and Special Ed is primarily designed for childrent that are having difficulty with the work and as a result the grades are suffering from it. From what I understand, your son is a straight A student???

Before you request an IEP or have him placed in Special Ed I would explore the consequences, both positive and negative of doing so. From what I understand being labeled special ed will be placed on his transcript and follow him through his entire school years. Because it is on his transcript it can affect his college applications later on.

Good Luck.

In order to have a child receive an IEP - there has to be substantial reason for the testing - grades are low - problems in the class room - all involving school work - When it is requested by a teacher and by the parent - the school will then have the child core evaluated... An IEP is for children with learning disabilities - for example in some classes - say the entire room has 25 math problems for homework - well the child with the IEP may only be expected to do 15 and is usually taken aside in class or sometimes even taken out of the classroom and assisted.. It is different with every child that is why it is called and IEP - Individual Education Plan - and each year you meet with the teachers at the end of the year and go over how the child is progessing and how the plan needs to be adjusted... I would say if your son is a genius - than he should just be in advanced classes - I would not think an IEP would be appropriate for him or even something that would be offered...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> An IEP is for children with learning disabilities </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And at least nine other disabilities including
-autism
-developmental delay
-intellectual (mental) impairment
-sensory impairment (hearing, vision, deaf-blind)
-neurological impairment
-emotional impairment
-communication impairment
-physical impairment
-(other) health impairment
-specific learning disability


Even the gifted little first grader with a lisp has an IEP if s/he is receiving the services of a speech therapist or pathologist. (at least they do in my state, so I am assuming other states, too)

Obviously, there is a difference between a special ed student and a brilliant child with special needs.
e.g. A brilliant child who has an inability to build or maintain satisfactory interpersonal relationships with peers and teachers MAY qualify for the services of the emotionally impaired teacher (in some districts in our state, this teacher is the called the SEI teacher--socially, emotionally impaired. In my building, this teacher is called the ED teacher.) It may be recommended that a child be placed in this class during all or only a portion of the school day. Or it may be recommended that the child receive services on a "consult" basis only.

Some kids with ADD or ADHD are determined to be "other heath impaired"; and some of them are placed in either the LD or the mentally impaired classrooms. Others receive no services at all.

Definitely xpB's son would NOT be placed in a special ed class should he even qualify for special ed services. LRE (least restrictive environment)....but we don't need to talk about that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

WOOHOO!! Way to go Buttercup!! You did great!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ June 24, 2004, 06:50 PM: Message edited by: TheFeminineSide ]</small>

Thanks all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Faith, he was recently diagnosed ADHD but I've suspected it for years. He has a lot of social skills problems in addition to the inattentiveness. But is very bright and can work well above grade level IF FOCUSED. I believe he needs social skills help with a trained professional and he will do even better academically. College classes in high school, if he is not allowed to 'dumb-down' in these key years.

wow... are we expecting a blue moon?
Yes. July 2 & July 31 are full moons, so July 31 is the "blue" moon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well, the shock has definitely worn off... and gave way to the frustrating return of the Prince Humperdinck I know and loathe...

He decided that since I want to sit down and talk with him rather than going to court, that it was all a bluff, and that I have no compelling evidence for changing schools, and that I am running scared.

I said, "Do I sound afraid to you?"

Blah blaaah blah blahhhh ... he offers NO compelling reasons to KEEP them in the failing public charter school yet tells me I need to show him MORE compelling evidence than the four years of MEAP test scores before he'll consider agreeing to changing schools.

When he accused me of threatening, bullying and intimidating him to get my way, I just about bit through my tongue.

I told ya'll long time 'go... there is no negotiating with a brick wall. See ya in court 'Dinck.

xbuttercup,

I am sorry that your x is being so difficult, specially when all you are doing is looking out for the best interest of your children. I hope that you get your son in the school that will be best for him. My son is a genuis but was still on an IEP, there is not a label with an IEP, an IEP is an Individual Education Plan, that means that it is a plan that is set up to meet the needs of your son. Mine only left the classroom once a week he was with everyone else the rest of the time. So keep in mind what an IEP is and what it means for your son.

But I do have to laugh at your title!! I was on a road trip with a bunch of teens and parents and everytime one of the parents would pass one of the others they would get "Blue mooned" blue jean clad moons up against the windows!!!! Just thought that I would share, hopefully it made you smile!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I hope I did the right thing.

I called and canceled the hearing scheduled for next week. I have been told by two attorneys now that Friend of the Court gave me wrong information and that I do NOT have to go to court to change schools. I do not need XH's permission. I have done my part and advised him of the proposed change, shared information with him, and invited his input. If he wants to fight this, I am to let him go through the trouble of trying to get an injunction.

I hope he doesn't see this as another sign of "weakness" ... if what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I'm an elephant! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


(Thanks Dawn, that did make me smile. *g*)

Oh man. I am getting bad anxiety attacks over canceling that hearing now.

I called XH's attorney. What a slimeball. I said my name, and that I had some legal custody questions. I noticed that he was pretending not to recognise my name but that he KNEW I was his client's ex, and the things he said... truly manipulative! Things that were specific to the judge that we would see, but he'd add that he didn't know what judge I had but so-and-so would side with the father on this... said the fact that the kids had been at the same school since kindergarten would have a lot of weight with the judge; basically tried to intimidate me! HA!

Bring it. I fear no man!

(Which doesn't help explain the shaking, chills and nausea.)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I called XH's attorney. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not a good idea, and I'm surprized he would even talk to you. Don't even waste your time. He is paid to represent your H and will tell you whatever is in the best interest of your H.

If you have questions concerning the custody agreement, you should be contacting your own attorney that you have retained to represent you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have been told by two attorneys now that Friend of the Court gave me wrong information </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you retained either one of these attorney's? Are they familiar with your case from start to finish having read through the court transcripts and custody agreement? Do you have what they told you in writing? I would be very carefull "shopping" for the answers you want to hear. If you go to the court and tell the Judge that you were told by two attorneys contradictory to what you were told and is probably documented by Friend of the Court, you could be up the proverbial creek without a paddle.

Frankly, I'm a bit surprized that you need H's permission to change schools, but it depends on how your custody agreement is written. If it's joint custody, you may indeed need his permission. Joint custody in some states can be very limiting.

Good Luck!

Joint legal custody in Michigan is not well defined at all.

Some things I've found make it clear that the parent with primary physical custody can make these decisions. Other sites claim that the parents must agree or go to court.

Very messy.

The idea of having to pay for an attorney when I should not have to go to court at all just sickens me. XH has not given me ONE reason why the kids should stay in the sinking ship! He just denies that there was ever an iceberg!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

well....let's see -- Queen of Court speaks once again...

I moved into a new city because the ex (whom I have a restraining order against) would not leave me alone (another story)

With the move -- it involved moving the kids to a new school. I moved in August, so the kids could start Grades 7 and 9 in a new school. Three days AFTER the move, the ex had me in court because he opposed the move. (and yes...it was me that advised you to just move <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ) For six months I drove the kids back to the other school before I could have the courts overturn the first decision (and the judge who finally overturned it was totally disgusted that the ex did what he did and that the kids were dragged through all this for six months! -- driving back and forth for 6 months)

If the ex is going to be a jerk...the ex will be a jerk. If he's going to oppose it and be controlling, he will use the courts to do just that, control and oppose. There is a point where these people don't *care* about what's good for the betterment of the children, all they *care* about is how to get their own way.

Sorry you have to deal with this crud. I was hoping he'd be more communicative. As for the rest of the crew -- follow their advise. If this is what you feel is in the BEST interests of your child, seek legal cousel and do it the right way.

Well, I was able to UN-cancel the hearing ... we are still on for Thursday morning.

However, I found out he retained the services of a lawyer (officially) on Friday, and I have not been able to get one yet due to the time on Friday I found out, and the holiday weekend. So I'll be scrambling in the morning.

His main arguement to keep them in the charter school is that they have been there since Kindergarten. Well, that's four years for DS and only ONE year for DD ... and because the school is K-8 (and may soon change to K-6 but that's rumor) the change to public school is going to happen eventually anyway.

The attorney I talked to on Friday, said that he is paying only 1/2 of what he should be according to the revised child support formula and estimating his income. I haven't bothered with having his CS evaluated since it was set when we separated, but the atty thought it might be good leverage. I don't like lawyers. Wish we could have settled this without one.

Found out more today.

He is claiming that I want to change schools because I am relocating (I am, eventually, like most people do, but I never told him this so he's getting it from the kids, no moving date set) and I don't want to have to drive the kids. (Subtle hint that I'm lazy and selfish.) He claims I want to change schools to suit my schedule, not in the best interest of the children. (My schedule is the same no matter what school they attend!!?) And he is saying that I am the one that refuses to negotiate!!

Gosh I hope the judge sees through his crap, otherwise I may vomit in the courtroom in involuntary protest!

Have you hired an attorney yet?

If not, you need to present your argument to they Judge in a practical, rational way and not an emotional way. Quit worrying about what XH thinks about you or is going to say and start worrying abour what you are going to say.

There is no law against relocating. I would argue that you are relocating because....(reason here). Keeping them at their current school will cause additional upset financially because (enter financial reasons). In addition, you anticipate the stress and inconvenience of keeping the kids in this school will cause further upset in the home.

Reasons for changing schools are:

1) This is a well respected public school that offers quality educational programs and services like, lunch, after school programs, activities, etc.

2) Financially it makes good sense.

3) The kids will adapt to their new home and make new friends and want to attend the same school with them.

4) Because of the proximity to your new home, it will cause less upset resulting in allowing you more time with the kids and creating a more stable home life.

I guarantee the only way the Judge will see through XH's crap is that you need to present a convincing argument in a calm and rational manner. I would not even mention test scores. Be prepared to argue however if he brings it up.

Good Luck!

I did pay a retainer on an attorney recommended by my divorce attorney. I wish I felt more confident about her.

I guess for some reason, I want to shy away from mentioning the financial advantage to me of changing schools. XH is already trying to paint me as lazy and greedy, only wanting to change schools for my convenience.

I did not mention the financial benefits of changing schools to my attorney, but I will send her an email today.

Thanks for the advice. This is so frustrating. >:/

That took about 8 minutes.

The judge said that the primary physical custodian gets the final decision making authority.

YAY!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Humperdinck may still ask the judge to reconsider, so maybe the HOURS of research I've done will still come in handy.

The judge didn't seem to give much weight to test scores or the fact that our son is gifted/ADHD/possibly AS ... he saw that we had discussed the change, didn't agree, and THANK GOD gave me the power to do what's best for those kids.

YAY!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />