Hi I'm at my wits end I think I'm at the edge of a nervous breakdown. I have been married for 4 years and 4 years of verbal abuse. I have cried almost everyday for 4 years because of something he has said to me. How can someone who has vowed to love you treat you horribly?? I have confronted him thousands of times to which I get responses of "Oh your overreacting or your too sensitive". We have an almost 3 year old son who barely knows his daddy because daddy is also a workaholic. I have been so unhappy for years and I finally got enough courage and strength to move out 3 weeks ago. NOW all of a sudden we matter and are the most important thing in his life. He has apologized a zillion times and says he will do anything and everything to make us happy and for us to be a family. We have gone to some counseling. I am to the point in this marriage where I don't know if I want it work out anymore. My parents are soo mad at me (they have been married 50 years) that I won't try to make this marriage work. I have tried for 3 years. HELP!!! I need any and all advice I am sooo scared and alone right now. Do I trust him and jump back in and then he continues the abuse months down the road... I don't know if I can trust that. Do you think people can REALLY change???..

Yes, people can really change. But you need to get into counseling with him, and see the changes before you move back with him.

Also read here about how a marriage should be.

I agree with the previous poster. He will have to show you he is a changed man. That doesn't happen overnight, so I would stay out or have him move out and see how much work he's willing to do to keep his wife and family. If you make it too easy on him, you'll end up right back in the same place that you've been for the last 4 years.

I agree with the previous poster. He will have to show you he is a changed man. That doesn't happen overnight, so I would stay out or have him move out and see how much work he's willing to do to keep his wife and family. If you make it too easy on him, you'll end up right back in the same place that you've been for the last 4 years.

this is my first time putting anything on here but after reading what you wrote (masonsmom) i felt i had to add a reply. My husband and i were married for nearly six years, and for all of it his behaviour was similar to what your husbands was like. Not a day went by where i wasn't made to feel like the stupidest, lasiest, ugliest and fattest woman on the face of the earth, everything i did was wrong. Every time i tried to please him by doing what he wanted he got even angrier and more insulting, even when i did what he wanted it wasn't good enough, for example he always criticised me to anyone who would listen telling them i was lazy and wouldn't work, in the 6 years we have been together i have had 15 jobs, i always had to leave them or got fired because he wouldn't care for the children when i needed to work or he pressured me to stay at home. Just before our marriage ended i was working at 4 parttime jobs one of them involved night work i would go for days with no sleep. I was paying all the bills and for the first time in ages we had money to spend on our selves of course it was his money he went out drinking with his friends, buying himself new clothes, video games, all kinds of things, while me and the children where left with nothing. in the end i became so stressed i fell seriously ill and was hospitalised for 2 weeks, i immediately cut my work load down as i found out at this time i was 4 months pregnant, the damage of the stress had been done though and the constant badgering about having cut my work load down didn't help i lost the baby at 7 months. That was the only time in a long time that i remember us being close. That was three years ago now and we have two children ages 5 and 6. My husbands controlling behaviour alienated me from my family and friends, ruined my career dreams, and turned me into a scared and lonely individual with absolutely no selfesteem. His behaviour became worse about a year ago when i finally pulled myself together, i got an excellent job that payed well so i only had to work parttime, i got back into my college studies, found myself a group of good friends and generally felt good about myself. The insults from him became worse, he tried even harder to control me and started to become phys and sexually violent with me. Eight months ago i had to kick him out for my safety and that of the children, he then became very apologetic, and suddenly started taking an interest in myself and the children wanting to get back together with me. I found out 2 months ago that he has been having an affair with the wife of a close friend of ours for more than 3 years, she has left her partner and has moved in with him. I spent six years of hell thinking i was doing the wrong thing trying everything i could to keep him happy and yet feeling desparately lonely, apparently with her he is tender and loving, talks with her endlessly etc.. all the things he should have been doing with me his wife. And to top it all off when i was he left me at the hospital after losing the baby he went to her..... Since he has left i have found life to be wonderful i know have a life of my own, i have lost two dress sizes i have confidence, WOW the only down is having to put up with him when he gets the kids at the weekends.