Where to begin... My husband and I met three years ago and took one look and I knew, as corny as that sounds. We were togther for two before we married. Two weeks before the wedding I found out I was pregnant. Which after some medical problems seemed impossible for me. Things began to change after that, the baby seemed to be the best thing going for us and now seems like the only thing. There is animosity between his family and myself, there is an ex-wife and a child he helped raise with her. I have issues as well but as they parallel in quality they do not in quantity. He and I have come to the point it is no longer "hey, how are you?". Our relationships is now a room full of egg shells each atop land mines. I see the path that led us to this point, I just can't see the one that will guide us back out. The scary thing is there are times when I think I don't want to find it. I can't tell but hope that is just all the hurt and anger rather than my love and desire dying out. cootiebeansmom@yahoo.com

have you read HNHN?<p>I guess the best road out is the same road in. You have to go back over all that same ground. Slow and painful, but it has to be dealt with. <p>You both must decide on a common stance to take in relation to his family, the ex wife, that child, and all your issues. You both have to be in agreement. 100%.
please read som of Dr. Harley's articles. Especially about lovebusters. Then try to discuss your problems calmly and openly. And with empathy. Without ugly namecalling and so on.<p>best wishes,<p>Anise

Hello, I am the boring back to basics guy. I discovered this site after reading one of Dr Harleys books. And ever since I read posts like yours of pain and panic that comes of knowing there is a problem and not understanding, it let alone know how to fix it. So READ THE BOOKS! "Love Busters" teaches us about our bad habbits that destroy romantic love and how to eliminate them from our relationships. "His Needs Her Needs" teach us how to meet each others needs and to build up romantic love. I recomend you order the books (online here or amazon) and until they come in read "the basics" until they come in. There is lots of other good materiel here but get the books, read them (I recomend LB first), both of you.
Where you are at is scarry stuff! But as you( both of you) read these books you will see that there is a few very simple rules we should have been tought by our parents, schools or somebody, but weren't. You will learn that by by agreeing and adhearing to a few simple rules like "the policy of joint agreement" and "the policy of radical honesty" all this mess can be history. All you need is to be tired of the mess enough to make a few basic changes. Change sometimes does not seem natural, but if you try it for a while you will be hooked.
You may still need counceling, but I have learned that change comes from within, councelors only guide us. There are times that we are in so much pain that we become irrational, guard against this, if you cannot, then see a councelor for sure. HNHN has info on how to select a councelor. With or without counceling, having read the books you will have wonderfull resources to work with.
Also while you are waiting for the books download the printer friendly versions of "Love Busters Survey" or is it questionaire? Any way and the printfriendly version of "emotional needs survey" and both of you fill them out. These will give you a clue to your problems. You can also us the search feature to find the policies Imentioned.
Marriage is one place where ignorance is not bliss.
May God be with you both.